Dropsie

So glad you came back.

I agree with everything everyone else has said.

You don't have to eat the whole cake.

We are here for you.

Dee74

Welcome back to you too jhonnyspa

Definitely do not beat yourself up but maybe think about what else you could have done besides drinkin g.

Sometimes we need more support, sometimes we need to use the support we have more effectively.

The more self aware we are I think the better we can stop the rising panic or pressure before it explodes and we drink?

D

Delilah1

I'm glad you are back today.

Babescake

Shake it off. Do it again. You've got it!

Hevyn

Hi hpdw. I think this painful episode will serve you well. You've learned something & are now ready to go forward, even stronger than before.

hpdw

Morning , I slept not too bad ,4 hours then 3 hours .
Up at 7am feeling a bit nausea and shaking and an uncomfortable feeling of fear .
I know this will pass eventually .

I have had a meeting/assessment with our new drugs and alcohol addictions team only last Friday and it was a very in depth one to one with a psychiatric nurse . My case is looked at by a team of physiologists and addiction experts who meet once a week to decide which type of help I need .

I am baffled that I was at that meeting on Friday then drank on the Sunday but there yo u go , it happened its in the past but let me tell you this , even after one drinking session which actually wasn't massive I suffered the fires of hell and was up during the night dry heaving and all I could think about was 10 am coming to get to the shop .
So please anyone thinking that you will be fine with just a few you will go back to where you were no matter how long sober .

OK so back to day one but that isn't bothering me i,m just happy I didn't continue and this community was a huge part in helping me through the day and night ,

In my opinion this community saves peoples lives , we save each other ,we reach out when we relapse and lots reach out while thinking of relapsing then pull through . I should have made more contact prior to relapsing I know that now.

Thank you all

Dustitoffman

Hpdw
33 weeks or 8 months that is a lot of good quality time.
Time for healing time for living.
Of course you will knock yourself, that is only natural and will reinforce your resolve.

Please for the love of yourself and of life in full bloom, finish this dance with the devil.

The sooner you get free and sober the better.
Remember this! Tomorrow never comes it will always be tomorrow. Today is what counts.

Be strong and keep posting. Dusty😎

Dustitoffman

Hpdw
Glad that you are back with us on the road Marching one foot in front of the other as the phrase goes😉

hpdw

A relapse is a relapse but thankful this one only lasted a day and a bit but that was still enough to make me ill . This being my full sober day I am slowly picking up and made a curry and stir fry for later on today .
I do feel gutted when I look at some of my old posts about how I would never drink again ,how this time is different and so on . No wonder in AA they say alcohol is cunning baffling and powerful .

Milo09116

Morning. Don't beat yourself up. It happens. You're on your feet today, yay! I was a CHRONIC relapser until 295 days ago when the Son of God rescued me. It can happen to you too!

BTW, meeting makers don't necessarily make it. There needs to be more than just sitting in a church basement for an hour.

John

Endeavor

What is important here is that you have not drank and have been healing for over 8 months. Regrets, well, they can dig at your soul and it sucks, I can certainly empathize. Yet its better to regret a mistake once a year than every passing day as many of us had lived through in the past, for years. If you're anything like me, you're upset because you didn't live up to being the best Dad you envision yourself to be. Refocus your efforts, think about whats important to you and you'll make better choices.

Also remember that you have made MAJOR positive changes to your physical health. Give yourself a little time to allow you mind to catch up, it will happen. It takes time, but there is no square one or ground zero. There is only a cumulative series of positive choices we make for ourselves and our families that can and will far outweigh the occasional questionable decisions we sometimes make.

We all make mistakes, don't beat yourself up too bad about it and consider this. The remorse you have now was never strong enough before your commitment to be a better man to stop you. That's a new found strength friend.

Best to you and your family.

RVer

Keep going forward and forgive yourself. Put another layer in your plan to keep it from happening again!

hpdw

Great post Endeavor thank you .

Feeling so so physically ( running to the loo is the worst , sorry )
I'm still struggling a bit with depression but I,m sitting too much . I need some physical action now . Got a vacuum cleaner to strip down and fix to get me started .

Great advice and support from all of you guys which I deeply appreciate .

hpdw

Harder to get motivated than I thought , got stared the diy job but I cant concentrate , I'm sad and p***sed of . I feel like all I want to do is stuff my face with junk food and hide in a corner . Hoping this mood will lift .

One F***cking day and a little bit of the next drinking was enough to send me into this crazy feeling of gloom .

Endeavor

Drinking poison is bad for you! remember these lasting effects, so not worth it.

Some light physical activity might help, drink a lot of water and less sugar will be better right now. Also try doing something you really enjoy doing instead of a responsibility, might bring you back up to speed.

Stride34

Hi

I know it feels bad but if you were sober for 8 months and drank for just a day or 2, you are not starting back at square one, at least physically. Feel fortunate you had all of that sober time because it will give you a much better chance of bouncing back from this quickly. Hang in there.

golfreggie

I don't want to throw a wet blanket on the encouragement that you so desperately need, but I must add a story of realism and the fatal nature of our disease. Some of you may remember a professional baseball player named Daryl Porter. He was a catcher for the Kansas City Royals and later won a world series with the St. Louis Cardinals. He was an alcoholic and an addict. He got sober working the steps and having a renewed relationship with his Lord. He wrote a book about his journey called "Snap Me Perfect". Title meaning he wished God would just snap him perfect, no work on his part. He did marvelous for many years. Spoke extensively, remained active locally in KC. I got to meet him at a charity golf event for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes in Kansas City. He was a really good guy to talk recovery with. All looked great in his life. Married, great family life, etc. You name it. Unfortunately, he later made a decision to "experiment" again. I am not familiar with all that transpired, but the bottom line is they found him dead of an overdose in his car in a parking lot by the river in KC. Tragic. My point, none of us is immune without us maintaining our recovery. The Big Book calls it our spiritual condition. I agree personally. We are not cured. In my mind relapses surviced are an escape from certain death. That scares me enough to keep up my spiritual principles of recovery. They are lived out in the working/and living of the steps. Daryl is a tragedy. That same fate is just waiting for all of us who are addicts/alcoholics. There can never be toe dipping and coming back, at least for me. There is no guarantee without continuous living out the principles. I pray that this will be the wake up call, not only for you, but for those who may read about you and the accompanying comments, that we all need to make that lifetime commitment to a new way of living. God bless you and those who have read my post. Recovery is possible, and so is death, which one do I choose today.

hpdw

Glogreggie thank you for your post which made me realise just how dangerous it can be for addicts/alcoholics to try and see if they could be OK after one or two drinks . I knew before that first drink touched my lips I was acting crazy , I knew I couldn't have 2 and stop . I knew I had crossed the line a long time ago and have said it many times on here .
I,m not making excuses but our household is a very tense place to be right now for reasons I don't want to go back over , as I say I should have found a different way to cope .
With God,s grace I was able to quit half way through the second 35cl bottle the next day .

My mood is much better today and I apologies for the mini rant a few posts back .

I am not throwing my 8 months away but as is customary on SR I must count yesterday as my new day one although sometimes I feel could this ( not in my case ) be detrimental to some with a certain spell of recovery ,perhaps saying " oh no not back to day one again " ! ?

Thanks again

golfreggie

A sober day is never thrown away. What could happen is we may throw away our future by dwelling on past mistakes, and the old excuse of "why bother" can arise. In my opinion, that is why it is so vitally important to work the steps, and have someone guide you. Once you get past step 4/5 and begin the actual changing of character we find it becomes a thrill to be sober and working on a new "Me". I encourage you to value Day #1. Also, as I tell the folks I work with (sponsor), we only need 1 sobriety date, having more than one can get dangerous. Give yourself a break, but do all you can do, because after all, all you can do is all you can do, but make sure you do all you can do! Enjoy your day!

Stronger2017

I miss you hpdw🙂 Try to start posting again if you’re struggling. Also, don’t be afraid to use AA. It seemed to be really helping you before.

All the best,

Stronger