Its been too long
 

Its been a while since I have checked in. About 3 years ago I knew my drinking was an issue, mostly binge drinking. I feel overall I have done well. I will be honest that I haven't been prefect but trying. Last night I "tested" to see if I could drink and live a normal life. Nothing bad happened but I did get very drunk and made a idiot of myself. I keep thinking I can drink and live normally but I know I can't. I need to revisit my plan more often, including this site. I guess I feel time heals everything but in drinking time doesn't heal and I need to improve and make sure I am 100% done.

I have a great support from friends and family, but I have been down lately and stressed and I think that opened up drinking again. Sorry for the vent be I just needed to get it out. Thanks

Welcome back!

Alcoholics can never drink normally again.

Hopefully you can come up with some healthy ways to deal with the stress in your life.

Welcome back Golf.

I probably don't need to do this for you, but I went back and looked at your previous threads. Almost a decade ago you were here, knowing you had a problem with alcohol. Yet your AV/beast has you out drinking even last night!

Please know I am NOT judging. I too have come and gone from this site, and sobriety, for years now. You can see I joined in 2013.

However, I am determined to stay the course this time.

What about you?

Yes I want to work harder at this and stop these issues I have. Day by Day.

Testing the waters...that's been your downfall. This, from your previous post to SR:

Many alcoholic pursue "normal" drinking to their deaths. Don't be one of them. Take drinking off the table. For good. Because nothing good will come from it.

I have also recently had to accept that I will never be able to be a 'normal' drinker.

I just can't be satisfied with a couple, I always have to drink more and like you I am a binge drinker.

The biggest obstacle for me is time. As time passes, I start to forget all the idiotic things that I did when drunk and start telling myself that this time I can handle it and drink in moderation.

Never happens.

Good luck with your abstinence and I hope I can do the same.

I keep thinking I can only have fun by drinking. It helps me relax in public, but then after the few hours at night I have to rehash what happened and sit back and say the next day why did you do this..... I even know when I start its not a good thing but still do it. I think my plan for myself has to be to check in here more often to remind me of what the choice is. Steve time is my issue also. With more time I get to feel comfortable and need to not be comfortable.

Golf - please go back and read your old threads. I did that myself and it helped me.

It's clear, like me, you cannot drink.

That sounds pretty bad to me.
Haven't been in that position since I stopped drinking.

I had to put in time and effort to find fun again - when I did, I realised I'd had sober fun before, but my years of drinking has convinced me there was no fun without booze.

It's a lie - don't listen to to it golfinmidwest.

Early recovery was hard - not knowing how to have fun, feeling different, self pity, feeling deprived, having to change a lot of things in my life...but it was worth it.

I'm glad I rediscovered the real me. I hope you'll give it a shot too :)

D

I agree! I almost drank the other day. I took advice and read my old posts and thankfully, it was motivation to continue my sobriety.

For me I was never successful, until I finally accepted the fact that I could never moderate my drinking. A very simple fact, but tough to accept. Once accepted, life gets much better!

Thank you for the messages. I did go back and look at older posts and it is basically the same from then. My true test will be in few weeks if I feel the same as I do now. I don't think I have understand that in working toward getting drinking out of my life I have to remind myself of the past life with it in there and look at today being much better then before.

You just have to remind yourself, "I don't drink anymore. Period." Then it doesn't matter how you feel in a few weeks. You've quit.

You have, haven't you? Quit drinking? Don't base it on how you will feel in a few weeks. Everyone here, I'm guessing, felt like drinking at some stage of their sobriety, but didn't. They were committed to their sobriety, not to how they "felt" at any particular moment.

Yes that is true I am done drinking. What I meant is when I have a weaker point I need to remember that I am better now then I was before.

What are you doing to improve this time?

Reading anything? There is so much out there. Great stuff.

AA Meetings?

What is going to be different?

I am going to try an AA meeting. Also I am going to make it a goal of mine to spend at least a little time on this site each day just for support and ideas in moving forward each day. I have never been good coming back here just once and then a few months later I stop back.

Everything about that statement reeks of AV ambivalence.

Do you have anything to read? I suggest Jason Vale or Carr's book. Easy, clear, insightful stuff.

It's good to have you back with us, golfin. It eases our anxiety to talk things over here - where people really get what we're going through. You will do it this time.

Welcome back, golfinmidwest.

After thousands of failed Day 1s, I know with absolute certainty that I can never drink in moderation.

For me, making a fool of myself is a bad consequence; the return of myself-respect has been hard earned and invaluable to me. My bet is that it is for you, too.

Stay close.

We care.

There is value in learning to Surrender. Give that some thought. Also, if you have a Big Book, read it often, and if you need a Big Book you can get them on line at aa.org or at most local AA groups.
Attend some meetings, remember to follow directions, as it is pretty impossible to recover following "your own plan". I had to leave behind my flawed way of living and try something else. I only had to change one thing, everything! Also, relax, there are a few folks who have gone through what you are, just different locations and people, but they mostly recover in a very similar fashion. Abstinence is the only must, the rest of it is growing into a way of life that is based on love and service, good luck to you, One Day at a Time,

PS, I am originally from the Kansas City metro area. Lots of great golf courses there!