Relapse - tough year - advice and hope
 

Thank you for listening... I celebrated 6 years sober on December 27, 2016. And thought to myself, maybe I’ve outgrown my struggles and why I used alcohol previously. So I began to drink that January 2017. Throughout these last 15 mos, I’ve tried off and on. To no avail. The longest I’ve stayed sober is about 60 days, 3 times. I relapsed this last time a week ago. It was absolute hell, at work, no one knew, but I am so ashamed and I’m telling you. I have been sober a week now. Struggling with anxiety and depression. Want to drink... but going to meetings. I am looking for inspiration and hope that I can do this again and this feeling gets better and Hope that I am capable. Feel so alone and this is my truly the last time I can call on friends to help me. Any advice to stay the course and ways you made it through these days and felt the same. For some reason at 60 days my mind rethinks itself. I want more time sober again. And anyone thinking of trying again, don’t do it, it’s true. It only gets worse and you go right back to your original drinking place. Thank you again, Anything you say will help. 💕

Hugs to you. You are wise to come here. Keep coming and posting. This group has got your back.

Hi SurvivorK, welcome back. You've obviously made some amazing inroads in your recovery if you had 6 years sober. Try not to think of it as going back to day 1, just a little obstacle in the road and now you're back on the good path. As someone pretty new to recovery and also dealing with anxiety and depression, I relate to your issues with them. By week 3 I felt so much better - clearer, calmer, less hopeless. Those feelings will start to go away and combined with your self-esteem and pride for not going back to the drink life will start to improve day by day. You can do this!

Welcome! I admire your bravery to post. 6 years is a long time, you can get back there.

This is my first time attempting abstinence (6th day today) so I salute you on the 6 years. That’s amazing and shows you can definitely do this. A quote I heard earlier really stuck with me “there are two things in life I can’t have, drink and drugs, what I can have without them is infinite”
Wish you all the best on your journey

Welcome SurvivorK, huge congrats on all your previous sober time. My advice would be to use this site.... draw on all the support and wisdom you will find on each thread. I recently celebrated 500 days sober and I absolutely wouldn't have got to this point without all the support and encouragement from the incredible people on this site. To begin with I found joining my class thread really helpful - you could join the March 2018 class. Nowdays I post once a day on the 24 hour thread to commit to another 24 hours of sobriety and to keep myself accountable. Whenever my AV rears it's head... this site is the first place I come to. There is always someone here to help.

Good luck on re-establishing your sobriety and thanks for the invaluable reminder that alcoholism is a very patient disease. Doesn't matter how long we stay sober for.... it never goes away. Let's ignore it together. Good luck :)

Hi SurvivorK. I am always curious about stories like yours. 6 years is a long time. How many people did you sponsor in that time? How many were you sponsoring when the relapse happened?

Surv,

I have had about 2.5 oz. Of booze in nearly 3 years.

I sometimes think that i might be a normie that just drank too much out of stupidity.

I so appreciate your post because it reminds me that the hell quickly returns.

What is the point of drinking anyway. An hour or less of euphoria followed by months of regret or worse.

Thanks.

Thank you JayTee for the words of wisdom and letting me know that the depression and anxiety will lift, I just worry this is my punishment now for my relapses. I screwed it all up. I'm such a worrier.

Congratulations on your new recovery journey, stick with it, from experience, its something I took for granted. The time we are sober is magical. And the people you help in just being an example never ends. I have to remember that myself. I want to do the work this time. I do not want to be in that place of shame and embarrassment and secrets, lies. It's so exhausting. I appreciate your kind words about self-esteem and pride. I'm going to keep coming back here, its what I need. A community at your fingertips that understand.

Blessings to you on your continued recovery! You can do it. You already are!

Hi Gottalife, you asked me about sponsorship, when I was 6 years sober. I never sponsored, I always thought it was too much for me. I would say I was active with my sponsor in the beginning, for the first 2 years, went to meetings, but then life happened, kids kept me busy, work, life and all that fell to the way side. I just stayed sober, it was what I was supposed to do. I went to a great treatment facility, someone close kindly paid for it and I was not going to let that person down, nor my family so I was on this high and kept moving forward. Kids have now grown, need me less, my someone close passed away, and I was like, well... maybe I can drink. I won't let them down. In reality, I now know I need to do this for myself, no one else, especially if I want to enjoy my kids, my husband, and honor the person who helped me in need. She would forgive me and ask me to believe in myself, again and always.

In summary, I need to be an active participant in my recovery, not just watch from the sidelines. Maybe I will sponsor in the future. I took out my book last night to start working my steps again. I wish the same for all of you. Never become complacent. Support others like you said.

Thank you Kenton, all great advice! First of all - congratulations, huge congrats, on 500 days sober. That is a HUGE number. One day is HUGE, as all of us know! I hope, I will crawl my way if necessary to get there! Good for you!!

I am going to search for the 24 hour thread, I appreciate any and all suggestions, and that class. Hopefully It is easy to find. I really really appreciate everyone's words of encouragement, support, God brought me to this site today for a reason. And all the quotes. Made such a difference today. Thank you! :)

Hi SurvivorK,

6 years of recovery is great and I'm sure you can get back on your recovery journey. I do understand how exhausting the secrets and lies become. You are absolutely right that this is something you must do for yourself.

I think it's important to make lifestyle changes to support your recovery. Since your kids are older now, are there things that you enjoy doing? I got back to simple things like reading, listening to music, walking a lot and doing yoga. What would bring you a bit of joy each day?

GL—

I am in no position to offer advice. I have been quitting a relapsing over the past year and 3 months I am currently on Day 4. But I am amazed you went 6 years. You plainly have it in you. Strength to you and best wishes and support as well.

Welcome to SR Survivor K :)

D

Welcome back.

Thanks for posting, many of us have those moments when we just want to take a break from not drinking and it is brave posts like yours that remind us that we can't take a break the same way that others with conditions cannot.

I know it stinks to have to do it again, but you can and I got a good feeling you will.

I love the Hip Sobriety site and course if you want to check it out.

XX

Welcome SurvivorK. I am only 12 weeks sober but couldn't have done it without this wonderful site. Everyone here is helpful and also honest. I see my recovery from both sides now. The benefit for me, which I am most definitely experiencing , but also from the friends and family page how my drinking was affecting the others around me. You can get back to the place you were at. Just baton down the hatch and start to mark the days off again. Soon you will feel that sparkle come back to you and this 15 months will have just been a little detour on your wonderful road to sunshine and happiness. Wishing you all the best. Xx

Support makes us stronger
 

I had a really rough time last week and all your kind words and supportive comments are very much appreciated. It really helps me hearing your words telling me that I can return to sobriety and forge my path with success.

This is my 2nd week being sober and this weekend I felt so good. I did have cravings but kept busy and moved on and reread all your posts. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Looking forward to writing and reading more! Wishing you a blessed Sunday and week ahead!

Yes, the support and wisdom here is wonderful. :) I credit SR for keeping me sober. :)

Dear SK,
I think you hit the nail on the head when you stated that you have to do it for yourself. I'm only 7 weeks into the sober thing but realize while others help with motivation, ultimately, it comes down to each and everyone of us individually I'm pulling for you!!!

Hi SK, thanks for your very honest and forthright reply. Of course I asked the question for a reason. A alcoholic who works in a big rehab in the States got very curious about why people with time relapse. It is a subject of great import to those of us with time. So he got to sit down with each one over a period of time to try and find the common thread, or cause if you like.

He began by thinking it might be that they were not going to meetings. That was true with some but not all. The prescription pad was another risk element. But there was one thing that stood out. In almost every case, the relapser was not sponsoring anyone.

I had an experience a few years ago when my wife was diagnosed as terminally ill. It never occured to me to drink. A friends husband was diagnosed with something similar, and she drank immediately. We talked about it later and compared notes. Right through my wifes illness, I continued with my home group and continued to sponsor one or two guys. She had never sponsored anyone.

After that I found this little passage on I think, page 14 in the big book. Ebby tells Bill that he will not stay sober without service and self sacrifice to others. He said there will be low spots ahead and we won't survive if we don't get busy. Crapes 2002 research found something similar in their research, the same as my observation over the years - it is the sponsors that stay sober.

That little saying "you have to give it away to keep it" is very apt in my experience.