xxxNICHOLExxx

After relapse after release after bringing back old addictions I seem to lost my fight .... I used to be more active and eat healthy not anymore cause I don’t care.... I used to be more active on here and now to the point I force myself on here..... between drinking to blackout smoking pot to where I can’t function and eating pills for the rush I’m to the point I don’t care about anything anymore I don’t know why I’m even posting this !!! I’ve put myself through hell and back and it hasn’t woke me up sometimes I think this is the life for me even if i don’t want it ....is there anyone else lost the fight but keep going and now In sobriety or recovery how do you take on multiple addictions???
Take care y’all thanks

PalmerSage

Hi Nichole, it's good to hear from you! What happened at the hospital? Unfortunately I don't have experience with multiple addictions, but I know many people do. Hugs to you.

AnvilheadII

actually the other side of that FIGHT is SURRENDER.

surrender to the fact that USING is no longer something you do. life is sooooo much easier when the drugs and booze are out of the picture!!! the trauma you are putting yourself thru RIGHT NOW would cease. no one is made for a life of using........

SayAnything

Hi, Nichole,
Sorry I don't have much experience,but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and wishing you strength through your struggles. I hoped the hospital might be able to give you some relief or resources. Big hugs to you!

least

I thought I was a lost cause and would never be able to stop drinking. But I kept trying and now have over 8 yrs sober. If I can do it, so can you.

Anna

Nichole, did you go to the hospital a couple of days ago when you posted?

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so down. I hope that you choose to not give up. Have faith that you can do this and that things will get better. Make a choice to post on SR every day, and, to eat well. Small changes will have a ripple effect on your recovery.

xxxNICHOLExxx

Yea I went to hospital for bipolar was having uneasy thinking but this is day 2 of new medication so really no relief I can’t get relief from self medication anymore I think I’m screwed no matter what for awhile at least

Rar

Hang in there Nichole. I felt the same way yesterday and like you, just didn't care. I listened to the folks here and today, woke up sober and to a better day. I know the days aren't always going to be good days (like today), but as I accumulate more sober time, I'll be stronger. You have to fight Nichole! Don't give up.

JayTee33

Nichole, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. My thoughts and best wishes are with you to feel better soon! I don't have bipolar so I can't completely understand what you're going through, but I do relate. A few months ago I had a huge crash, my anxiety and depression just plummeted. I was self-medicating with alcohol for quite some time and feeling worse and worse. I finally got up the nerve to see my doctor and she changed my anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds. But I wasn't patient enough to let the new meds do their work, and within a few days I was drinking again. I was upset because I didn't feel any better, so I drank more, and felt worse, and drank more. It was a stupid, destructive cycle. Then I hit rock bottom almost 4 weeks ago, and finally made the commitment to stop drinking. Well, 4 weeks in, and I feel so much better, more centred, calmer, less depressed. Between stopping drinking (alcohol is a depressant, not sure how I thought it was going to improve things!), and letting the new meds do their thing for a few weeks, I really feel like I've turned a corner. Not every day is awesome, but I just want to give you a sense that there's some hope not too far in the future if you can just stay strong a little longer. I can tell you're a strong woman - hell any mom of a couple of little kids has to be strong. Do it for yourself, do it for them! I know you can!

goodbyeevan

You do have fight left or else you wouldn't be posting. I used to think one day sober was impossible. 2 days, gtfoutta here. Now I'm looking at 3 weeks soon and btw I dumped my weed out on Sunday. If i can do it, you can too. Maybe listen to AA speaker tapes? There's a website with links to many of them if you Google it. You can search names, I recommend a lady named Teresa. They've been in some rough dark places and still found the will to fight for their sobriety.

xxxNICHOLExxx

Thanks y’all
Guess I’m just tired of waking up and fighting the same fight every single day sober or not still a fight it’s getting old I thought this would be a breeze easy just don’t drink ha it’s showed me who is the boss it’s controls my day even my life it’s hard to work on my health and addiction which they do go hand to hand but just one day without cravings depressed angry crying for no reason sure would be nice

Rar

Try to notice the improvements in your recovery every day, rather than the negatives like anxiety and craves. There may only be a few at first, but improvements are surely there. Try to concentrate on those and the negatives will be more tolerable. Eventually there will only be positives.

Forward12

Stop drinking, get a plan in place. Unless you just want to waste your life away,...

CreativeThinker

Obsessing and cravings in the beginning made me crazy! I found that staying busy helped. It was important for me to have structure in my days. Having a daily routine was key for me. I began reading a lot and learning as much as possible about alcoholism, working out daily, watching movies, organizing my home...anything to keep my mind preoccupied. Once I began getting further and further away from my last drink I began to feel better. The better I began to feel, the more in control I felt. Eventually, I stopped fighting and made it my CHOICE to live a sober life. Surrendering and accepting that my life is SO much better without alcohol in it made all of the difference. Give it some time, I know it feels like forever...but once your body, mind and soul begin to heal, you WILL begin to reap the rewards of sobriety.

Hang in!
CT

xxxNICHOLExxx

Thanks everybody I’ve had action plans I stay busy and routine but seems nothing works of the evenings My mind is so warped around escape it’s sickening once it’s stuck there it’s hard to think about anything else more I think about struggling the more I want to take the easy way out I hate addiction why didn’t I see the warning signs

DangerZone

I have experience beating multiple addictions (alcohol, weed, cocaine and meth). I don't think there is any secret to getting sober. If there was no one would struggle. We would all get and stay sober on our first attempt. It's just not that easy or simple.

In my opinion the key is to keep fighting and never give up. Eventually you will figure it out. But you've got to be able to deal with failure and not let a relapse turn into constant self-pity or giving up hope. If you relapse learn from it then get right back to trying to quit. And don't be afraid to try new tactics after each relapse.

Also don't beat tourself up too much if you see other people getting clean and you are struggling. Everyone is different. It might take you a 100 tries and it might take someone else two tries. Who cares? It is about the end result.

If you keep fighting eventually you will beat your addiction(s). So keep fighting Nicole!!

Komplex

((((((Nichole))))))

xxxNICHOLExxx

Lots of good advice need to rethink before I throw in the white towel

Hawking22

I don't know if you were like me, but I would really like to think I know exactly how you feel. AA members would tell me my disease was going to kill me. Yeah, so? When is this miracle going to happen? I worked the steps, I tried yoga, went to outpatient twice, tried going back to church, started seeing a therapist, switched up my meds, tried different new hobbies and I would just sit in bed and ball because I missed drinking so much and start up again real soon. Nothing has kept me sober successfully yet. I feel like I sincerely lack purpose in this world and have entirely lost interest in it too. It makes me wonder if bottom truly does have a basement...but then I found this site...after the night I told you about. I was on my third bottle of wine, crying to Celine Dion ballads while my roommate was out getting A beer with a guy (still don't know how normies can do that), thinking I'm going to die alone...and it's the most beautiful thing in the world to realize I'm not the only one that has experienced this, or had these thoughts, or made the same mistakes and that fights this sickening, soul sucking battle. And I want what they have. So badly. And I don't want to disrespect the kindness and power in everyone's wisdom here by being a suffering addict anymore. Maybe I'll relapse, I hope to God I don't, but use this place, Nichole...lets all be an SR family no matter where we are on the spectrum....#Day3

Dee74

The more I drank and smoked, the less motivated I became. Its like my addictions anesthetised me. I saw I was falling deeper and deeper into trouble but I couldn't rouse myself to do something about it.

Your addiction is squeezing you like a Boa constrictor Nichole...I hope can find it within yourself to fight back.

As others have suggested the best fight here might be surrender -it may be necessary for you give yourself completely to the idea of things like AA or some other meeting based group, or some kind of rehab?

I know there are those in your life who won't like that - but this is your life Nichole.

D