Rar

Hi All - For the last few days my AV has been presenting many reasons why I should begin drinking again and they are starting to make sense. The conclusion I've reached from AV's chatter is that there are few, if any positive things happening in my life - in fact quite the opposite, with no foreseeable improvement.

I'm in pain with at least 1 foot surgery in May. and another later this year. Because I'm walking on the sides of my feet, my hips are hurting now, making walking an extreme hardship. I can't even ride my bicycle now. My shoulder still hurts from last year's surgery. I have to try swimming, though.

Presently my husband has finished his drinking, eaten a very early dinner and was sleeping by 4:00 p.m - a most every day occurrence.

I spoke with the veterinarian today who informed it's almost time to put my 14 year old cat to sleep. He weighs 7.4 lbs and the vet informs when he reaches 6.9 or 7 lbs, its time.

I miss being out on my own, shopping and doing woman stuff, but am dependent on Husband's good will and patience in letting me browse. I haven't done any of those things in 7 months. Oh, wait - I do get to go to WalMart sometimes and I went to Target yesterday.

The biggest reason my AV has given me is that I'll be 69 years old this year and I have no foreseeable quality of life. I might as well sit on my nice warm sunny porch and drink. I had hope when I quit 69 days ago. I don't have it anymore.

MindfulMan

Maybe your foot surgery will help. Maybe the swimming will change your outlook and help with walking and bike riding.. Maybe you should get another cat when the time is right (don't think about this right now tho). Maybe you should lead your own life and not make your happiness and fulfillment contingent on a drinker's behavior.

Your quality of life will decline precipitously if you drink addictively, and your time on your nice warm sunny porch won't be all that enjoyable for long.

Snowydelrico

Oh rar, you are in a pickle.
It is tiring keeping your guard up but things do get better.
Alcohol doesn’t fix anything.
Your quality of life will diminish to nothing fast with booze.
Sit on your sunny porch and have a soft drink (na)
69 days is brilliant.
Keep going it’s just a low point you are going through.
Swimming is a great idea.
Don’t give up

PalmerSage

Rar, I can relate to some of what you posted. At 93 days, I'm struggling too. One thing I'm trying to remind myself of is that we only have to commit to not drinking today...we can't snowball and catastrophize the future, right? Let's not drink today and see what happens tomorrow.

DarklingSong

Support to you. It sounds like a really rough patch in recovery. Keep reaching out here. It is the one thing that has always helped me.

Snowydelrico

You will need the good health of a non drinker to go in to surgery so you can bounce back.

Anna

Rar, getting older is difficult and there are health issues that come along that we just have to deal with. I hope that your foot surgery will successful and that you can be back walking before too long.

Is there someone other than your husband who you go shopping and growing with, or could you just go on your own? Sometimes getting out, even if it's painful walking, could be just what you need.

I'm very sorry about your beloved cat, but as pet-owners and animal lovers, it's up to us to make the end of life decisions for our pets. And, no one wants their pet to suffer at the end. You are so lucky to have had 14 years together.

entropy1964

Oh Rar I'm sorry you are so down. You have a lot on your plate. Do try the swimming....maybe with a kick board so you can support your low back and hips. Heck just floating will feel good. Have you tried any Aqua classes? The ladies at the gym all seem to really like them.

Shopping? Uber. Once you get through your rehab after your surgery. Uber. Leave husband at home to nap!

Counseling? Might be nice to have a lady close in age to share this stuff with.

Hawkeye13

Sobriety often gives us a clear sight of things we were pushing down with the bottle.

I found I couldn't "unsee" some painful truths about the compromises I made to keep the peace and get by.
Not saying that's the situation with you, but might be worth a mull.

Hope foot surgery goes well, and I agree about Uber

Ladysadie

Oh Rar! You're one of the strongest women I know here on SR! You've been so positive and supportive to others! You've many friends on this site that you have helped with your compassion. I hope you get past this AV in your head! Sending you hugs!

biminiblue

I have a lot on my plate too. I'm not trying to discount your very real issues but I hope you can find better solutions to them than drinking.

Age - not a dang thing to do about that. Failing health - there is help for that.

The cat...ugh, both my cats are going downhill. I don't know if I'll be getting any more pets at my age. I just don't know. It's tough either way, but they do bring a lot of joy and comfort and there are thousands of cats near you in shelters who need forever homes like yours.

A drink will not fix any of this, and it won't be one drink, will it? Play the tape forward.

I agree with finding a lady friend. What about womens' AA meetings, or a craft class at the local Senior Center or volunteering at a food bank or answering phones for some charity?

Dee74

I would re-read old posts RAR - drinking was not a funtime playhouse for you either.

I firmly believe there's nothing so bad I drink won't make worse.

My lifes not great either - but my attitude is - and thats down to being sober.

D

Sophie11

So sorry you’re struggling Rar. And I’m sad to hear about your cat. They are such good friends and it’s awful to lose one. I’m sure you have given them a wonderful life, and when the time is right you’ll know that they are ready to be at peace. 14 years is a very good long life.

And, this may sound dumb as I’m sure you’ve already thought of it but: could you get a mobility scooter? To get some if your independence back....?

Hang in there! I read someone else on here say: I never woke up after NOT drinking the night before and regretted it...

least

Berrybean

I'm with Dee on this. Reread your old posts.

So sorry to hear about your cat as well. I lost mine a couple of months ago. She was 25 years old. Still seems strange round here without her.

BUT Alcohol wasn't the answer then, and it won't be now. A definition of insanity told to me is 'repeating the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result'.
More drinking would just make the same situation as before.

BB

Rar

Good Morning Everyone. I took Dee's advice and re-read my posts. I was stunned to read a post I made almost exactly 4 years ago in 2014. Coincidentally it was also at 69 days sober: Clearly, things haven't changed that much:

Hi All...... I don't think I can hang on and not drink. I am on Day 69. I don't know where to begin because it seems like everything is wrong with my life. For one thing....I don't feel well. My health problems are beginning to affect the quality of my life. Though I have medicine to help my breathing, I think my emphysema is getting worse. Like many older folks, I also have arthritis. What really hurts is the arthritis in my toes and painful bunions. It hurts to walk and at times, it even hurts to swim, though I try to swim most days. I have a huge painful bump on my elbow, which worries me. I am worried that it will prevent me from golfing this summer. I have arthritis in my hands and that may affect me riding my motorcycle. I am also seeing a dermatologist next week for a multitude of skin problems. My husband of 40+ years aren't getting along presently and that makes me sad. All in all, I am super discouraged and no longer see any benefit in not drinking. In fact, I'm beginning to think I will feel better if I drink. At least it will numb me somewhat. I know this is a big rambling list of what may seem like trivial issues, but I just can't seem to cope today. (unhappy sigh) My husband purchased a 30 pack of beer today.

Eventually I did succumb to alcohol in 2014, but it was several weeks later. As BB pointed out yesterday, drinking would just just make the situation the same as before - AND IT DID! Today I woke up to my 70th day alcohol free. I will just have to take ODAAT.

Thank you everyone. On to live another day alcohol free.

Dee74

Awesome rar

2ndhandrose

Talk about a great way to start my SR perusing, Rar!!!

For me, I believe there is no situation, good or bad, that alcohol will improve.

I am 10 yrs behind you, at 59 yrs, and some days I feel like I am 20 yrs older than my years, uuugh.

I have been following your posts and you have so much to offer here at SR

So happy to read your post Rar, own this day!

Eaglelizard

Hi rar, I had foot surgery a few years back (same problem as you, sounds like) and it really improved my quality of life. I was miserable from the pain of walking and it limited my life big time. Don't underestimate your ability to improve. Everyone can get better, but it is important that you don't drink, not least because you will need to heal.

Dropsie

RAR,

That made my day.

When it clicked for me was when I accepted on a deep emotional level that just one sip and it was back to the roller coaster, and I was tired of the ride.

Once drinking was totally off the table, things got easier.

Make it a non-option, like shooting a gun in a crowded theatre full of your loved ones, because for me at least, it would cause about the same amount of pain.

You are great.