Newly Sober, New to the Forum
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 10
Newly Sober, New to the Forum
Hello everyone. I am newly sober and throughout the past week or so, I have been reading these forums quite a bit. Some of the content is a bit jarring, but the vast majority of it is encouraging.
I am a 24 year old guy, and I have been sober for 10 or 11 days now. I honestly can't remember when I had my last beer.
The last time I tried to quit drinking, I had recently accepted my first 'real' office job at a law firm. From there, my drinking habits changed. I became a daily drinker. I was knocking down 2-3 beers and a shot for lunch damn near every day. After work, it was another 2 beers and shot before the bus ride home. After getting off the bus, I would buy another 6-8 beers at a bodega before heading home.
A colleague at the office noticed that I was miserable, and she offered to bring me to a meeting. I went to several AA meetings for about a week or so, but I eventually fell off the wagon. I suppose I was not ready. I eventually walked out of that job because I was failing to meet expectations. My performance suffered due to my alcoholism.
From there, I continued to drink. I recently tried to quit cold turkey again, and I found myself feeling extremely uncomfortable. I decided to taper down, and now I have been sober for at least 10 days. The first few days of not drinking seemed unbearable, but I was able to persevere. The next few days got better. I felt more awake, my eyes were no longer so dark and sunken. I was not hungover while waiting tables.
This evening, while working, I became overwhelmed by panic. I had to tell my boss that I needed to leave. I felt as if my legs were going to give out, that I was going to fall down and pass out. I felt my heart racing, beating through my shirt. I felt dizzy and as if there was doom right around the corner. I felt as if I could not take in a full breath... as if I was about to throw up at any moment.
At this point, I am rather discouraged and scared. While I do have a rather lengthy history of mental health issues, I have never suffered a panic attack. I have not been following my medication regime, which consists of mood stabilizers for my bipolar disorder. Due to my drinking, I have not met with my psychiatrist or therapist for months. I need to make a new appointment and inform them of my panic.
I am so incredibly scared of having another panic attack. I am not sure if this is a part of withdrawal (I have read about PAWS), or if it stems from my underlying mental illness. All that I do know is that these panic attacks are incredibly debilitating. I wanted to get sober so that I can realize my full potential, not to see my mental health deteriorate even further.
I am not very sure what to do anymore. I feel helpless. I feel as if I have really wrecked my life and ruined myself. I am afraid to go back to work now, I do not want to have another anxiety attack. Should I try to take a leave of absence to get my mental health in order and become more secure in my sobriety (I work in the restaurant business now, lots of alcohol around,) or do I 'tough it out' and just try to power through?
I really want to stay sober. I have to stay sober. I cannot allow the withdrawals to become worse due to kindling. I am so afraid of relapse.
Please give advice and support. I just really needed to vent. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story, which is quite honestly just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to me.
I am a 24 year old guy, and I have been sober for 10 or 11 days now. I honestly can't remember when I had my last beer.
The last time I tried to quit drinking, I had recently accepted my first 'real' office job at a law firm. From there, my drinking habits changed. I became a daily drinker. I was knocking down 2-3 beers and a shot for lunch damn near every day. After work, it was another 2 beers and shot before the bus ride home. After getting off the bus, I would buy another 6-8 beers at a bodega before heading home.
A colleague at the office noticed that I was miserable, and she offered to bring me to a meeting. I went to several AA meetings for about a week or so, but I eventually fell off the wagon. I suppose I was not ready. I eventually walked out of that job because I was failing to meet expectations. My performance suffered due to my alcoholism.
From there, I continued to drink. I recently tried to quit cold turkey again, and I found myself feeling extremely uncomfortable. I decided to taper down, and now I have been sober for at least 10 days. The first few days of not drinking seemed unbearable, but I was able to persevere. The next few days got better. I felt more awake, my eyes were no longer so dark and sunken. I was not hungover while waiting tables.
This evening, while working, I became overwhelmed by panic. I had to tell my boss that I needed to leave. I felt as if my legs were going to give out, that I was going to fall down and pass out. I felt my heart racing, beating through my shirt. I felt dizzy and as if there was doom right around the corner. I felt as if I could not take in a full breath... as if I was about to throw up at any moment.
At this point, I am rather discouraged and scared. While I do have a rather lengthy history of mental health issues, I have never suffered a panic attack. I have not been following my medication regime, which consists of mood stabilizers for my bipolar disorder. Due to my drinking, I have not met with my psychiatrist or therapist for months. I need to make a new appointment and inform them of my panic.
I am so incredibly scared of having another panic attack. I am not sure if this is a part of withdrawal (I have read about PAWS), or if it stems from my underlying mental illness. All that I do know is that these panic attacks are incredibly debilitating. I wanted to get sober so that I can realize my full potential, not to see my mental health deteriorate even further.
I am not very sure what to do anymore. I feel helpless. I feel as if I have really wrecked my life and ruined myself. I am afraid to go back to work now, I do not want to have another anxiety attack. Should I try to take a leave of absence to get my mental health in order and become more secure in my sobriety (I work in the restaurant business now, lots of alcohol around,) or do I 'tough it out' and just try to power through?
I really want to stay sober. I have to stay sober. I cannot allow the withdrawals to become worse due to kindling. I am so afraid of relapse.
Please give advice and support. I just really needed to vent. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story, which is quite honestly just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to me.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 96
Well done on not drinking! You should probably schedule that appointment with the psychiatrist sooner rather than later. I've had my fair share of panic attacks. You never know when one might pop up. You could go days without experiencing another one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 10
Thank you for the encouragement, REM. It means a lot to know that I am not alone in experiencing the overwhelming anxiety.
I will be placing a call to the doctor's office tomorrow so I can set up an appointment with both psychiatrist and therapist. I know they were both worried about me while I was drinking.
I have been taking the naltrexone that the doc prescribed months ago. I have found that it helps to assuage the cravings.
I will be placing a call to the doctor's office tomorrow so I can set up an appointment with both psychiatrist and therapist. I know they were both worried about me while I was drinking.
I have been taking the naltrexone that the doc prescribed months ago. I have found that it helps to assuage the cravings.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi LMSober
I believe any person at any age can develop panic attacks.
They're not fun but they're not necessarily a sign that anything else is 'wrong' with you either.
it might be a withdrawal thing, it might be a no medication thing or it could just be an anxiety problem.
I'm not a doctor but I have dealt with panic attacks all my life - I can tell you that I deal with them far better sober than drunk and they're at their least impactful now as I enter my fifties/
Someone your age has a great chance of finding out whats wrong and doing something about it
D
I believe any person at any age can develop panic attacks.
They're not fun but they're not necessarily a sign that anything else is 'wrong' with you either.
it might be a withdrawal thing, it might be a no medication thing or it could just be an anxiety problem.
I'm not a doctor but I have dealt with panic attacks all my life - I can tell you that I deal with them far better sober than drunk and they're at their least impactful now as I enter my fifties/
Someone your age has a great chance of finding out whats wrong and doing something about it
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Welcome, LMSober! It sounds like you've done a lot of research. Good for you for addressing this problem at such a young age, before things got even worse. I wonder, is rehab an option for you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 10
D, thank you for your encouragement. I appreciate that there are others out there dealing with panic. Hopefully, I won't be anxious forever. You all do such good work here. Writing has always been an outlet for me, I plan on continuing to post. This is the most writing I've done since I was in university, and it feels really good.
Palmer, I have been considering rehab. It is hard to discern whether or not these rehab places are legitimate. A lot of their advertisement makes me feel as if they are akin to a for-profit college. I'm not sure what my options are considering my financial situation and the fact that I am insured through Medicaid. Thoughts?
Palmer, I have been considering rehab. It is hard to discern whether or not these rehab places are legitimate. A lot of their advertisement makes me feel as if they are akin to a for-profit college. I'm not sure what my options are considering my financial situation and the fact that I am insured through Medicaid. Thoughts?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 10
Just checking in. My bipolar symptoms seem to be getting worse the longer that I stay sober. I continue to rehearse angry conversations with my boss/co-workers out loud. It's as if I am practicing screaming at people, even though there's nobody there. Having a hard time sitting still, lots of rocking myself back and forth. Might need hospitalization, or at the very least, a partial hospital program.
My sobriety is good though. I am drinking iced tea with lemon, enjoying healthy meals, and trying to take it easy. So far, I have not had any strong cravings which made me feel as if I was in jeopardy of relapse.
Sorry if I am writing too much about my mental health symptoms in conjunction with my sobriety, please do let me know if there is a more appropriate board to discuss these symptoms in.
Given that I am not having strong urges to continue drinking, should I look in to a more mental health focused facility, or continue to pursue an alcohol/drug rehab? I think an intensive program aimed at sobriety may be good for me, in that it will develop a strong foundation going forward. Although I've done a lot of research on alcohol detox/staying sober, I am "winging it."
My sobriety is good though. I am drinking iced tea with lemon, enjoying healthy meals, and trying to take it easy. So far, I have not had any strong cravings which made me feel as if I was in jeopardy of relapse.
Sorry if I am writing too much about my mental health symptoms in conjunction with my sobriety, please do let me know if there is a more appropriate board to discuss these symptoms in.
Given that I am not having strong urges to continue drinking, should I look in to a more mental health focused facility, or continue to pursue an alcohol/drug rehab? I think an intensive program aimed at sobriety may be good for me, in that it will develop a strong foundation going forward. Although I've done a lot of research on alcohol detox/staying sober, I am "winging it."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hi LM, since you mentioned both a psychiatrist and a therapist, can you consult with them and see what they recommend? Also, do you have a Medicaid case manager who you can ask about substance abuse treatment options? I'm no expert (obviously), but I feel like addiction is usually co-morbid with other mental health issues, so the professionals should be used to your type of situation. Please let us know what you find out; you are not alone. 
Here and now
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Toronto
Posts: 334
Well done so far my friend there is a lot of good information and support on the site. I just turned 27 myself and have a history of anxiety and have suffered many many panic attacks (went to the ER a few times). It started when I was 22 and went on until last year. That said, I no longer deal with those thanks for the most part to my sobriety. I promise you that it does get easier and can be beaten, that said I won't sugar coat the fact that the first few weeks for me were torture. It is so worth the fight through the hell. I'm standing right beside you, you can do it and you have your whole life ahead of you.
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