chowchow

My husband thinks I am boring and crabby now that I stopped drinking. He does smoke pot every night after dinner. It is legal here. I notice now since I am sober that when he is stoned he sort of lurches around me and it gets on my nerves and I want to be away from him. He does think I am crabby and dull and have no sense of humor. But I don't want to go back to where I was and if I tried pot I would end up drinking again.

Any suggestions?

Dee74

Well when I was drinking and toking I thought everyone who wasn't stoned was boring crappy and without a sense of humour.

I wouldn't put much store in the opinions I had back then.

but,,,I was probably was a little dour to begin with - sobriety is hard....but it gets easier.

The joy will come back Chowchow.

D

least

Stay sober for yourself, no matter what he says or does.

D122y

Chow,

Once or twice when I was around drunk people I pretended I was a little drunk.

I tried to have fun with it. It was pretty easy to do.

Some drunks get so serious, solving problems etc. Some are happy and silly. As long as they don't start yelling at me or worse, we are cool.

Thanks.

Muunray

Keep on taking care of yourself- everything else will fall in place.

entropy1964

Well I'm only hearing your side but it sounds like he's being, ehem, a two year old? When my daughter was two she would whine, hover (is that like lurching) and say she was bored and I'm no fun. I'd respond kindly, only boring people get bored. But I'd giggle and try to find something fun to do.

I'm assuming your hubbie isn't two. Is it your job to entertain him? That's what I would ask him. In the morning, when he's not stoned, lurching and whining.

teatreeoil007

Yes, well, you're sober....and compared to being drunk sober is well, different, but different in a good way....stay strong...you know how much better you feel overall and how much more peace you have and you don't need to smoke a joint to experience "peace". True peace in this world is becoming more and more rare as so many are caught up in various things that don't really bring peace. Try not to take his accusations and complaints to heart. You know you're not a boring person. And the longer you stay sober the better you're going to feel and will have even more passion for life.

Nonsensical

I was definitely crabby and dull for the first few months.

One of the things I had to learn was how to be sober, but not crabby and dull at the same time.

Another thing I had to learn was that my wife was never going to fully understand why I can't drink any, at all, ever - and that's OK.

Hang in there ChowChow! You're doing great!

daveglass1

You will become far more interesting than a drunk or other addict - fact. The longer youre sober the greater the effect. He might not notice from behind his clouds.
Dave 🤠

JayTee33

I was reading "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace, and there's a chapter on the myth that drinking/smoking make us more social and fun. She does a pretty good job of tearing that myth apart.

She also highlights that when people pressure you by saying you're "boring" for not drinking/smoking, their main motivation may be to get you to partake so that they don't feel awkward or ashamed for drinking/smoking alone.

Stay strong, and I agree with those who said have a talk with him when he's clear-headed about your need for his support.

Good luck!

Maudcat

Myself, I find people who smoke pot boring.
Hang in there, chowchow.
He’s messing with you.

AnvilheadII

yeah, your H doesn't sound like a day at the state fair himself.

try to stick to your own routine and keep some space between you. stay sober and many things will become much clearer than they might be today. i'd rather you be a bit crabby and sober, then "life of the party" and face down drunk. so crab on, m'dear!

Hawkeye13

I found that being sober dealing with a stoned / drunk person is just not much fun either.

My spouse continues to drink when I don't, and I think we both feel bored with the other.
We're simply on different pages mentally and emotionally if one of us is using.

I just go on and do my own thing most of the time.
What I regret is giving in and drinking to try to "connect".
That's a pretty foolish solution, isn't it?

DontRemember

I was that way towards my now exAgf when I started working on my sobriety. I was no longer the, mostly, 'entertaining clown' in the room/bar. I was 'serious' and in my head/thinking more than 'normal' about "what's best for me and those I care about?" It's a lot of work/time invested to get/stay sober. My,already strained, relationship didn't survive my getting sober. Turns out there wasn't much there beyond the drink/drugs/money and it took me getting sober to realize that. Sorry for the ramble..never let anyone,especially an active user, get in the way of how YOU want to live your life from here forward.