No more rainbow
 

I used to drink because I was sooo freaking happy. My life was really something. I was proud, and earned it.

Then, progressively, it took a few more drinks to "feel" that same level of happiness.

Then it took all day to reach it.

Now it takes all day to feel anything. I drink all day to finally feel: deep sadness, deep depression, real anger at myself, real hatred of myself.

do you want to stop drinking, PB?

theres a bigger picture available without alcohol that is quite an awesome scene

yes i do. and yes i've heard. but here i am. again.

welcome back picturebigger :)

quitting drinking is hard - but if you can get through this rough initial period, you'll find happiness, a real enduring happiness that beats chemical euphoria hands down.

D

thanks Dee. how long did it take for you to feel that? i've made it ~30 days in the past (omg i was so close). i felt great, but failed. i hear 90 days is where it really takes a turn for the permanent. you?

What you are feeling is the result of alcohol replacing the dopamine in your brain. Your brain naturally produces this "feel good" chemical, but so does alcohol. Once you consistently consume it, your brain stops producing the chemical so the only way to "feel good" is to drink alcohol. If you Google the brain and alcohol there is a ton of info available. The brain can recover, but it will take some time.

It took me close to 90 days before I started to think that, yes, maybe I really could feel happy. I think it's just something you have to stick with and get through those early days. Things really will improve.

Quitting drinking was the best choice of my life, in the last many years it never did me any good.
A speaker i heard put it very well, the drinking career of an alcoholic is like this; first you have fun when drinking, then comes a time when you have both fun and some problems because of drinking, and in the end you have just problems and no fun because of drinking.

Looking back I cant seem to remember last time I had just fun with alcohol, it's certainly many many years ago - the last decade I drank, at least, was never really fun even though at the time I might have tried to convince myself it was...

I have loads of fun now, and none of the fun I have these days cause bad consequences.

I can completely relate to this verbatim picturebigger. But I have realized alcohol has been taking my happiness away, my real happiness. It may take 31 days, or 60 or 90, either way all of those days will be better than one more day drunk. When I was truly happy I never woke up the next day miserable because of it.

Welcome back.

God I want that. I got a mild taste of it after ~30 days. I felt fantastic. Then something stupid insignificant like a bird chirping made me relapse. Then I quit again for ~30 days and something else stupid got me.

At least I know now, for sure, and through those two failures, my next quit MUST be the big push to get beyond 90 days, no matter how awful I feel. If for nothing else, just to get a taste of (what I imagine is...) truly fresh air that only gets better from there. At least my last 2 quits taught me how vulnerable I still am after 30 days (no matter how great I felt) and to not give in so easily next time. I feel like 90 days is the first real trophy-- now that I learned (twice) that 30 days is anything but.

It's really amazing how everything else in my life (holidays, birthdays, work deadlines, etc.) comes and goes in 90 days so fast. Time flies for everything except the notion of 90 days of sobriety. My addicted mind has me fully and physically convinced 90 days will take 10,000 years. Crazy. I can't explain that backwards logic, but I do find comfort feeling like several of you on this forum understand exactly what I mean.