From drinking everyday to binging.
 

Iam tired of counting the hrs and days before I get to drink again. I am a mean and intolerant drunk. I have made it once for 25 days only because I was held accountable from testing. Now it is a struggle to make it three days.Have tried AA but never found a meeting I was comfortable in. Pulling out some extra help now. Medication and out patient help. Last year was horrible. My brother committed suicide and things went down hill from there. Dui,wrecked my car, house arrest, insurance dropped us. That just makes me want to drink more. In a ten year span lost my dad to alcoholism, sister committed suicide, mother died who was mentally ill, then niece committed suicide. Moved states away from my only child to get married after being single for about 20 year. Found my drink of choice to help me feel good and relaxed which is wine. Since then the culprit has never let go. My husband has struggled with my addiction and he says he just cannot understand that everything I have gone through how I could even think of drinking. I cannot answer him. I feel so alone and isolated with this. Thanks for listening.

Oh Krews I can feel the pain from your post. I'm so sorry for all of your losses and for the horrible hold that this damned addiction has on you right now.
I too went from daily drinking to binging (failed repeated attemts to stop). I too felt hopeless and utterly isolated.
The change to binging for me accelerated the affect on my physical and mental health and it seemed like I was permanently drunk or withdrawing or craving badly. A living hell.
I can tell you hand on heart that stumbling on SR in a desperate search for connection with anybody was the best decision I ever made.
I'm so happy you have found us too.
I don't think anybody here has a magic answer on how they broke free from addiction but it can absolutely be done. I reached the point where I was so terrified of dying in my sleep that I was willing to fight with everything I had for sobriety. Hands up I was defeated and I accepted that I could never safely drink alcohol again. Not one sip. Ever.
So it began with one day. One horrible anxiety ridden never-ending day of withdrawal. But I made it. My only priority each and every day at first was to get my head on the pillow sober each night. Nothing else mattered.
I hope you choose to become an active member of SR. It really does help. Perhaps check out the Class of March 2018 and the 24 hour thread for starters. There is also so much to learn.
You aren't alone any more. I wish you well and look forward to sharing your journey with you xxx

I'm sorry for your pain, Krews.

I have a lot of past loss and trauma and I drank to blot it out, too. All my family has died - and I just couldn't cope.

Problem is, I never dealt with any of it when I kept applying alcohol to the problem. It made me depressed and blotted out the good parts of my life as well as the pain.

Best thing I ever did to quit drinking. In time I came to forgive and accept the past and learned to look forward with hope.

You can too. Please get some help if you can't stop on your own. Tell a doctor.

Go back to a different AA meeting. Meetings are uncomfortable, but they help in early days.

Just find a way to quit.

Thank you and bless you.

Hi Krews :)
when I came here I thought I'd never turn things around...but the support ant encouragement helped me do just that :)

No matter how deep of a hole we dig, there is always a way out back into the sunlight - don't lose heart :)

I feel your pain
 

I am so sorry for your losses...I know that feeling too when the normies think "how can you possibly even think of drinking when..." My longest string is 25 days too and for the same reason you mentioned. I'm seeking the miracle and "Ah Ha!" Moment too. I'm terrified I'm going to be a newcomer for the rest of my existence.