daredevil

this thread has over 40 replies, so enough people are interested.

Even those who say they aren't interested are sufficiently interested, at least those who posted that they're not interested in such threads.

I like this thread. Helps me, for sure. I can relate to some of what I've read.

Finalround

There are certain threads that I just do not read because for me they disrupt my process. I certainly won't read them just to offer my opinion of how useless they are.
If these type threads were posted by active drinkers, I would not read them nor do I think the admins would allow them to continue.
I find the threads of success and milestones most beneficial for me. When read in conjunction with "where I've been and what I've done", like this one, it provides a pretty good measuring stick as to how far and hard the road can be.....but it Can Be.
Just MHO.

Ladysadie

For what it's worth, some of us do come from rural areas and have not had the benefit or experience of listening to AA meetings of sharing. If not shared here, then WHERE and with whom do we share??

Please, if these threads of sharing low times with others are of no benefit to you personally, be willing to close them out. Lucky you who have healed and reached a point where you no longer need them.

I personally read them and find comfort in knowing there are others who've carried similar shame around. For me, these are low points in my life I can never re-do in spite of asking for forgiveness, and these threads can be cathartic for some of us. For those of you who say these threads are useless causes me to pause and reconsider whether this forum is truly a safe place to share.

I wanted to share as a point of reference for others who may be in pain (like me) but will rethink being so open in the future. And no, I have been sober for a while now (20 days today) and still fight my AV.

J50

Agree! I posted a similar concern a few posts up. This is a newcomers forum. While this question has come up before, there are new people joining and posting everyday. Responses such as the most illogical thing was drinking are not helpful. We know this, but putting our replies down can help us to see how foolish our thought processes were and can be part of the recovery process.

lessgravity

I don't know what is and what isn't helpful for a given person.

By responding with honesty, without judgment, I think we are each providing each other the possibility of finding someone who might be like us in our fight against the Beast.

I know for me, having someone who told me not to focus on my "war story" type posts and thoughts was very helpful. Although I didn't like to hear it, in the end I see (FOR ME and perhaps people like me) turning away from these stories was valuable. The reason was that I really believe it refocused my unconscious mind on things other than the horrors of what I do when I'm wasted.

So I only posted my responses to give someone out there, who might be like me, something to consider.

I hope that OP and everyone else doesn't take my responses as anything other than another voice fighting the fight.

Anything that helps us not pick up is a tool, so if this thread does that for you, I certainly would encourage you to read it and contribute.

wayforward

I think less was just playing the part of the agent provocateur with his first response, trying to get people to think and discuss, not trying to shut down conversation.

Recovery is a wild thing. Some of us have attempted this a few times and when that happens, you can't help but learn a few things about yourself, but you also question a few things about your old habits (even your old recovery habits). We become professional prodders and mini-philosophers. Discussion and the greater good are always the aim.

I liked tomsteve's response, because that's technically the most accurate for me. But also, I have to give a shout out to Dee for using the word "prurient." Love the word, but never have been able to use it in practice, ha.

Ladysadie

Less, maybe you had put in the work up to the point that you were ready to "hear" your advice (of not to focus on your war stories). Maybe you had sufficient good days of sobriety to understand the concept.

I dare say at the beginning of your personal journey you, like many of us finding our way to this website, had to establish what brought you here (being desperate, as a last resort, in health crises, in the final stages of our alcoholism) and process it in a healthy and safe manner (its anonymity being a huge draw for me).

Many of us can NOT go into AA meetings and share to what seems like an intimate group of fellow neighbors, coworkers, church members, and driving to another town is not a feasible option.

I liken this thread (and the stigma of addiction) to Brook Shields when she first opened up to the world about her post partum depression. She shared her truths with an open heart but was (and still is) harshly judged for being so forthright. Some of us could relate, but most of us couldn't. I think compassion for others, no matter where they are in their recovery, is always in good taste.

anxiousrock

The worst I ever got was drinking at work (my first job).
This was about 10 years ago now.
Of course at that point I realized I couldn't work that job anymore, it was so boring. So I quit and got a job that I like.

BodhiMarshall

Yep

BodhiMarshall

I have to throw in.my 2 cents worth. Driving drunk repeatedly was probably the most illogical, then again maybe it was falling off the roof tyring to a handstand getting in fights with bottles, getting hit by a minivan, cheating on my wife while she was pregnant in the hospital, or just loosing money gambling while having a complimentary liter of grey goose on the house..sometimes on the house but sometimes on me.. swimming accoss a river and nearly drowning less than a year after the mother of my children drowned
..I'm just getting warmed up.

Flower2327

A large part of my drinking had to do with feelings of isolation and negative self worth, particularly about my weight. Alcohol and the terrible food I ate when hungover made me gain weight...which made me even more self conscious...which made want to drink...which made me gain weight.... on and on.

16YearsDrunk

Spending money on alcohol when I needed other things. There were points where I was wiping my backside with newspaper because I spent the last £2 on a 10% beer. If I ran out of money I would ask my mom to loan me money just so I could buy alcohol. By the time I got paid again I was broke.

I never ever want to get into that situation again.

Razorback

I used to do happy hour at my neighborhood Cantina. I met many truly interesting people there who came in handy networking-wise, but most often I hung out with a jewelry designer who wore an eye patch. The guy was really sweet on me, and...I came close to taking him up on it as I really didn't ask much for myself.

Ran into him on the street yesterday. OMG, he was married the whole time and I didn't know it! I mean, he was coming on strong and never mentioned a wife. He'd had a terrible medical event that seemed to be the result of a bleeding ulcer -- he'd thrown up blood and then later his adult daughter found him unconscious in a pool of blood. He flatlined at the ER and they somehow brought him back. The missing eye is the result of an aneurysm. And now he's having ALL his teeth replaced with implants as the result of opioid addiction. And I almost got to know those rotted teeth intimately (never did).

He's my age (58) and although a jeweler, he is painting apartments at his complex to pay the rent.

He was with a similarly screwed up HH buddy who then proceeded to belittle
my career, which, despite my best attempts to ruin it, is very good. What on earth was I thinking????

thankful61

I missed the best opportunities to live the life I would have loved and personalized. Instead I've lived a default, dumbed down life society prescribes and anybody could live. When I've been sober long enough, my goal will be to find my path once again and enjoy what might be special about me. Right now I'm just working the day to day, my long term goal is to go to bed sober.

Ladysadie

Like Lessgravity says, no one is coming to save us. How true that is.

If you are young and just reading these, ready to stop drinking, how lucky you are! You have the whole world ahead of you. Some of us waited until older to mess our lives up. Still, it is NOT TOO LATE. All I know is once I quit drinking my whole life in all aspects got better.

MLD51

For me, the most illogical aspect of my drinking was drinking to overcome my shyness and lack of self-esteem. I really didn't like myself much at all. Never did. When I drank, I didn't feel so self-conscious and felt better about myself for a while. Where it got illogical was when my drinking behavior made me feel even worse about myself, because I was doing and saying things that really went against my values and morals on a regular basis. So a short-term, immediate solution to my feelings of inadequacy actually created a downward spiral of self-loathing. Highly illogical. And I knew exactly what I was doing to myself, but by the time it became apparent, I was a full-blown alcoholic and I couldn't just "quit." I had to get LOTS of help.

Feeling better about myself as sober time goes on, though.

goodbyeevan

Hmm. I feel alot of regret and shame when I think of all the dumb stuff I did. It definitely doesn't awaken the AV, instead it makes me happy I'm here and sober. And knowing the past is behind me.

Mostly just driving drunk, even after DUI, staying in an abusive alcoholic relationship with a gross boy in college, more recently all the suicidal tendencies I developed, not good in a house full of guns. Just overall self destruction, every single night. So happy we're all here now. I hope these past memories help us stay here.

anxiousrock

This is so close to home....I can relate EXACTLY.

Jotick

A few moments.....
-lending my car to a complete stranger at a festival
- losing my car key, paying £250 to a car locksmith and finding key in a different handbag
- deciding to move the furniture in the lounge and having no memory of it
- having no money for food but always for wine (regular occurrence)
- finding the curtains from the patio door on The floor after I apparently sat on them when I fell through the door
- being pushed home from the pub in a wheelchair as couldn’t walk.
- cooking various things, forgetting about them and setting off smoke alarm
- chip pan fire
- leaving front door wide open all night
- sitting on a radiator which then came off the wall and leaked everywhere
- falling down stairs and breaking my ankle
More drunk clumsy than illogical, I could go on 😆 definitely time to grow up!

saoutchik

I once spent £49.95 - not very intelligently - on a book about a particular make of automobile that was in Italian, a book I could not read since I don't speak Italian.