darlingtangles

Hi everybody,
I guess I'm just gonna post my story here to get it off my chest. It's been 1 week since I last drank. 5 days since I was released from the hospital for the apparently intentional OD on various pills I don't remember taking cuz I was hammered on gin for 3 straight days on little food or sleep, guess I just fell apart. I guess I did some blow too, don't remember that either, but I tested positive for it.

When I woke up in that hospital with all the tubes and wires and bruises and blood, I was so terrified. I was in a room alone, didn't know what day it was or how I got there, what had happened. I started my investigation into my activity and whereabouts over those 3 days. For a young woman, I can really put back some gin.

There are little fuzzy memories here and there, but I knew i started drinking Friday and didn't stop until Monday morning, and only cuz I became unresponsive. A friend thankfully found me in time.

I was sober for 5 years beginning 2008. Went back out in 2013 after a divorce. Nothing too crazy the first few years, but the last 2 I just got progressively worse. When I woke up in that hospital, even without knowing exactly what happened, I knew that the alcohol had a lot to do with it. At that point I was done. I don't want to die and I don't want to feel like that ever again.

So, here I am. 1 week in, happy to be alive. It's my birthday tomorrow (today technically, 3/13) and I think feeling like a human for the first time in a really long time is a pretty great gift.

Thanks for reading, happy to be here.

Sophie11

Hi darlingtangles, and I’m so very glad you made it through your misadventure- it sounds like it was a close call... And congrats on one week sober! I’m on day 8 and am with you entirely on wanting to move forward and get away from the hideously destructive behaviours of my past. Welcome to the community 😌

darlingtangles

Thanks so much Sophie11! Ive currently got myself on self imposed house arrest while I finish out the remainder of my withdrawal. Ugh. The insomnia is making it super hard to ignore all the Facebook posts about all the "fun" my friends are out having right now without me. Haven't told anyone yet about my decision to get sober. So for now I'm gonna read the threads on this forum to distract me from FB. Thank you for the encouragement and congrats on 8 days! Super glad to connect with other people who get what this battle is about.

Sophie11

I heard someone call Facebook ‘depressbook’ one time, ha. You know everyone is exaggerating how much fun they are having anyway!!!!

I can relate though. I have FOMO and it’s weird NOT being ‘the last one out.’ Interesting experience for me last weekend though: I went to the pub with friends who all got drunk and I stayed sober (an aside that everyone on here strongly recommends NOT going near alcohol at all in the early days) and although I enjoyed their company and I’m sure they had fun... it just wasn’t something I felt like I’m missing out on. I left a little bit earlier than everyone else. Next day all the texts were about how awful they all felt. Much of the evening wasn’t even remembered by some...

I’ll still absolutely go out with friends to the pub and such, but I felt reassured to feel like it’s no biggie to NOT be the last one out. And not even in a lame ‘no really, I PREFER my green tea to your beer’ (weeps silently into green tea)... I genuinely felt it.

darlingtangles

I know that FOMO well. And I'm definitely always the last to leave. It's funny though, cuz the last few months had gotten really bad, and I was going out, making a fool of myself, getting really emotional at times about situational stressors, passing out wherever I ended up (always had to hit the afties!), waking up sick, ubering home and laying on the couch all day cuz I was so hungover. Missing gigs (working musician), stripping myself of the energy to rehearse or be creative, so my shows sucked, this all ruining my relationship.. and I just thought to myself... Why do I like to do this?! This stuff isn't fun at all!

But I guess that's where the disease comes in...

Dee74

Really glad to have you join us darlingtangles - looks like you had a pretty close shave.

August252015

Glad you're here!

Jack16

Yes, that right there!

Welcome darlingtangles

I am so glad that you have joined the SR community. Have a look around, get to know people, and post away! You'll find a huge amount of support and love on here.