Readygo

I’m 70 days or so and i can’t get past this loneliness with people that are just every day chums or even some family that I hadn’t felt lonely with in the past. I can talk to them about anything and every thing but I’m having such a hard time feeling a real connection.

I don’t know if that has anything to do with recovery or maybe that’s my personality and I used the drink to bridge that gap??

Gottalife

No, I had more friends than ever in the fellowship of AA. I do relate to feeling lonely among friends but that was because I had not yet got started on the program of recovery, so I didn't have so much in common. When I got started, the lonliness left.

A big part of my problem was not feeling connection with the people around me. That was because I had a way of living that kind of insulated me from them. Again that changed with the program.

Dee74

If I'n being honest I was lonely long before I stopped drinking. Thats was one of the things I had to wok on in my recovery.

It took me a while to work out how to do even the most basic stuff sober...like interacting with people...but it all come back to me, in time..I'm sure it will for you too readygo

D

Eaglelizard

Hi Readygo, I can relate at a little over a year. I'm not an AA guy so I can't really say whether that helps or not, but I would say that I've felt more distant from family since quitting and that this has not really changed much with time. I don't feel like I have much to say to them and I also don't trust them enough to tell them about everything that has been going on in my life. Also, I have a bit of a hard time socializing with acquaintances or people I know through work--just find myself wondering what the heck is the point of this?. No problem, however, hanging out with my close coterie of long term best friends.

MyLittleHorsie

I was more apt to isolate when I drank, so I was lonely in alcoholism. I didn't want anyone to know I drank, or how much I drank.

We have a very large social circle and I have an event and fundraising business, as well we attend a lot of functions, so emerging as you will in sobriety has been phenomenal and I have reconnected with a lot of folks. My social life as a sober person is far more full than it ever was when I drank. The caveat being, I didn't have drinking buddies, I held everyone at more than arm's length so they didn't know my secret - even my best friend. I had acquaintances when drinking, I have friends sober.

2ndhandrose

Thinking back, I did feel lonely.

I think it was because I just getting to know myself anew, without the alcohol. I didn't know who I was yet.

The further into recovery I go, I find that my true self is continually being revealed to me, much like peeling an onion. Or, let's say instead, like a beautiful flower, opening one blossom at a time

The more comfortable and familiar that I become with myself, so have my relationships deepened.

I hope this helps a little bit

Anna

I echo what Dee said. I didn't really see it, but I was terribly lonely before I stopped drinking. When I began recovery, I realized how much I had isolated myself. So, I began to try to build new and healthy relationships in my life.

MLD51

I remember feeling an aching loneliness for a while - it was really difficult. It was a combination of not hanging out with friends I drank with a lot before I got sober, and a fear that I'd never make new friends. Well, some time went by, and I started making new friends, and deepening connections with a few old friends who were not just drinking buddies. I also began to like myself more, so that when I was alone I didn't feel so lonely. I made friends with myself. In my drinking days, I hated myself so much that I'd be friends with just about anyone so I didn't have to have much time alone. So it just took some time to adjust. I rarely feel lonely anymore. Plus, I can always go to a meeting if I need someone to talk to, and my full-time job I did not have when I was drinking keeps me around people (more than I'd like sometimes!)

MindfulMan

I got very depressed and self-isolated when I got out of inpatient rehab after 5 weeks. Medications helped, and AA got me out of the house and seeing people. That got me through to outpatient, and another crop of friends.

At that point I was ready to start socializing again. Fortunately I didn't have to leave my current social group, as I didn't have a problem being around them if they had an occasional drink. Still don't. Isolation was always part of my addictions.

Wholesome

I've found quitting drinking to be a solitary journey. I don't go to meetings and most people don't really want to hear about it. I certainly spend more time alone than I used to, now that I don't have partying plans every weekend, but I've enjoyed getting to know myself again as a non-drinker. It took awhile, but I remember who I used to be before I let drinking take over my life. I'm going into my second year and this year is going to be about rebuilding that social life, I'm excited about it. I've got plans! Cool things that I wouldn't have done when I was a drunk, for example we are going to Japan in May. Or, I went ax throwing a few weeks ago, and I was a natural, I came second in the tournament. It takes time though, at 70 days I was still normalizing and obsessing about how I wasn't drinking.

Komplex

I feel lonely sometimes. Everyone and everything in my life is different now that I’m sober. I have AA though. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt as much of a part of the group as I do there.

Enigma1969

I only drank alone and now that i don’t drink, i feel lonelier than ever.

LadyBlue0527

I felt lonely in the beginning too. it was hard to understand and accept there were people who probably weren't going to be a part of my life anymore, at least not until I had some really good sober footing.

Hang in there, you may feel lonely but you aren't alone.

grayghost1965

If I'm alone now, it's because I choose to be and I'm comfortable with it. I deal with a great deal of people on a daily basis at work, and get my fill of people. I'm not an AA kind of person; not knocking it if it works for you, but it's just not for me.

My loneliness while drinking threw me into darkness I don't care to revisit, even to the point where I contemplated ending things. I wasn't like that every time I drank, but it got more often towards the end, which is part of what scared me into change.

I found at first that I was a bit socially stunted, except at work, where I knew everyone and it wasn't a big deal. The bigger issue was my own family, neighbors, etc. I had to get used to actually being around and interacting constructively. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but it's great now. It will be great for you too.

miamifella

Being in recovery there is so much you go through that you cannot really share. You do not want to trigger AA people and non-addicts get freaked out.

It is tough, but as my sponsor said, learning to keep some things private is part of growing up. But it is hard as you face the ordinary challenges of recovery on your own.

Septemberschild

Hi. I'm on day 86 now, and I understand you. I truly feel this is how (for some of us), our brain is slowly healing. It's hard to be quick witted or full of conversation. However, sooooo much is going on inside. Thoughts are there, sometimes very deep, but come out shallower. I had just about 5 years sobriety at one point, and what you are feeling will change and get better. I know I will too. Best to you and congrats on your days!

shortstop81

I'm almost 90 days in and I can relate to feeling lonely. I'm not lacking in friends and loved ones - I'm incredibly fortunate in that regard. Yet still I have this aching loneliness that is all pervasive. Like others have mentioned, I think this loneliness existed while I was drinking and now that I'm sober it's just there in all its stark glory.

I've always had issues feeling connections with others, and coupled with a lot of the internal emotional work I've been doing on myself - it's felt like a very lonely journey. But I have faith that it will get better.

Septemberschild

Hi. I have been reading but did not check in. I'm on day 322. I wish I could bring you amazing news...but it may be helpful to someone experiencing the same things.

My head fog continued to worsen, I still have horrible lapses. I saw a doctor and all of my blood work, including major vitamins, is normal. However, I continue with being very anxious, severe fatigue, shaking hands and the inability to feel whole. Like part of me has passed . Very down and blue in upon waking as well. Almost a hungover feeling. Head fog, and forgetful. Not wanting to be around a lot of people. So, I saw a head doctor who prescribed an AD, Trintellix. It started to work, but then caused fast heart rate and now vomiting. So will try something else. I surmise I had been ill while drinking and just covered it up. I've always had anxiety issues, but NEVER to this extreme. It's almost one year, and my eyes are still heavy/droopy and so tired. The prior 5 years of sobriety I had, I did not go through this. I'm 54 now and they say it gets worse each relapse. Not for me. God is gracious and I've damaged my brain. Getting to work at night is just horrible. I drag myself out of bed and go. My hands shake, involuntary tremors and it's embarassing.
The good things so far...I'm not really hungover, I just feel that way. Clean sheets, and the rare day of a clear head.

chiquen81

I think what you are feeling is normal for many people. When I first went into AA a year ago, I was on a major pink cloud for 2 months. I've been in AA for a year and relapsed a few times. I now have 2 months under my belt again, and I do feel lonely. However, I am not going to as many meetings as I should.

So for me it's like... do I drink and poison myself to get maybe an hour of relief from the loneliness, only to feel WORSE the next day...or do I push through the day sober and hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I choose the second option there for now. It is not easy.