Smilax

I didn't drink any more last night, just the same bottle of red wine I've been drinking every night. But I got 3 hours sleep at best and spent most of the night trying to ward of a panic attack. My head was buzzing with anxiety the whole ******* night. Felt twitchy and all I got was little micro sleeps interrupted by terrible anxious dreams. I don't even know why as I haven't been drinking a huge amount relatively speaking. It could be that the alcohol is just triggering my already underlying anxiety which is quite likely as I've been drinking because I've been terribly depressed and anxious. There is also the fact that I take medication for depression and anxiety. Ssris. So it could be an interaction with that. Anyway I am definitely stopping. What to do with my depression is another issue.

chowchow

Anxiety is awful. Drinking just made mine worse. I had terrible thoughts and fears. I still have anxiety and am working with a psychiatrist on it but at least the alcohol is out of the equation. I was always anxious I would end up with liver cancer or cirrhosis. That was scary too.

I hope you keep coming back here and posting.

Buckley3

I believe it is of great importance that we alcoholics understand it's a progressive disease. Kudos for you for stopping it now before it does the inevitable to you or before you find yourself in a situation much worse.

I've also come to believe that - as far as the issues of anxiety and depression go - it's impossible to judge the severity or source of those issues as long as we continue the vicious cycle. For me, I've come to realize I spent tremendous energy and time and emotional effort managing alcohol even in my sober moments. Now that I'm sober for two weeks I can say - despite quite the mess I have to clean up as a result of my drinking - that I don't experience anything close to the anxiety and depression I used to.

So, yea. Quit. We're glad to have ya here. You'll find plenty of support and we do care. For now stay focused on stringing together a few days - things get clearer and you'll see the way to deal with the other stuff once the poison is out of your system.

-B

PS - Of course, I'm not a doctor. So if you find the anxiety and depression get really bad don't hesitate to talk with a doctor and do whatever you need to do to manage those things as you get clean.

Delizadee

Alcohol kind of cancels out or diminishes the effectiveness of antidepressants.
Removing the alcohol and getting yourself better is a better time to deal with the underlying issues. Nothing will ever get better while we are drinking. Alcohol is a depressant.
It is amazing how much better a person can feel with time even if we feel we are doomed to a life of misery. Some of us have to work harder at it, to get to that level and maintain. But being healthy and taking care of yourself- will go a long way to making yourself feel better.

SoberLeigh

Sobriety has so many gifts, Smilax, and you deserve every single one of them.

Go for it!

Smilax

Thank you for saying that! One definitely has to be sober to reap said benefits. I guess what I worry about is that I've always been depressed, anxious, and terribly lonely my whole life. It is not the alcohol that has caused that. I've always drank because I feel alone and depressed. I've done through long periods of my life sober and in even good shape. And while I felt physically better there was always something major missing from my life. Some hole I couldn't fill. I know that will be there still. I'm not saying that's a reason to drink. But I know how I will feel.

brighterday1234

That hole that you feel is the very thing that recovery programs such AA fill as part of their mechanism of action. It is very common to hear in alcoholics that there is a void that only alcohol could fill. Recovery when it works will fill that void.

Smilax

As a life long atheist I have always been wary of AA. I am not looking for spiritual help. I know that people say that the higher power spoken of in AA can be redefined for one's own needs. But I know how it's structured. There are secular 12 step type programs though that I should look into as well.

JayTee33

Hey Smilax, sorry you had a rough day yesterday. I too suffer from anxiety and depression and take an SSRI medication. I'm just over 2 weeks sober and I can tell you that when they say anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds don't interact well with alcohol, they speak the truth! For almost 6 months I was in a spiral, with worsening anxiety due to work, self-medicating with alcohol, and on it went. But after 2 weeks sober I'm starting to feel clear-headed, calm and level again. I can only conclude that yeah, mixing liquor and these meds wasn't a good plan. If you're like me, after a few weeks of no drinking, you'll feel much better. Best of luck on your journey!

Forward12

Google SMART meetings or addiction center and give them a call, there likely will be numerous that can get you going with your sobriety plan.
Be sure to do it first thing in the morning and not make excuses. Excuses are the AV's best friend.

Dee74

It could be all those things - also check up on alcoholic kindling.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...lly-again.html (Tolerance and kindling - Why alcoholics can't drink normally again)

The thing is... fear never lasts.

Work out what you're going to do differently this time to stay sober Smilax

d

Sophie11

Hi Smilax,
I’m an atheist and AA never appealed to me. I do SMART and I like it. It’s science and research based, focuses on CBT techniques and practical strategies to address problematic behaviour. I have been using their website and workbook tools for a while now and attended my first (anonymous, laid-back) online meeting with them last week...which I was a bit skeptical about but actually I found it hugely useful- not just for my drinking but for therapeutic tactics as well (I too am a depressive on SSRI’s). You may want to check out their website and watch a few of their videos? I’m not sure I’m supposed to say this on here but FYI: I don’t find their forums very active though and prefer the forum community here. Between the two I personally have found the support I’ve needed and am grateful for both. Everyone is different and I think i needed to realise that it was okay to create the ‘recovery package’ that worked best for me.

Sophie11

PS your account of the night with microsleeps and anxiety and anxiety dreams is SO HORRIFICALLY FAMILIAR. When absolutely nothing, but nothing, helps.

When I’m bad I walk my brain through benign movie plots. When I’m really bad I walk myself in my mind through the house I grew up in or the pre-school I went too. When I’m really really really bad I sing over and over and over ‘just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming...’

For what it’s worth, and in case it’s an added motivator:

I’ve had at least the ‘movie plot’ level of anxiety probably 1-3 times a week for about 3 years now (as long as I’ve been drinking heavily).

I’m only sober 6 days, and in the first 24 hours I was ‘just keep swimming’ level most of the day- ie awful.

Day 2 I was at ‘school walk through/ movie plot’ level.

Since then, I’ve been anxious, but not on ‘the scale’. I haven’t had that feeling that you may get enveloped at any minute and are just barely pushing it away. I feel what I’ve always known: the alcohol was making it much worse. The anxiety is still there, but it’s... less jagged.

That may only make sense to me! But In short: I’m 99.9% certain your anxiety will improve as you quit. And from someone who is a few days ‘ahead’ of you I assure you it is so wonderful and so worth it.