Having a bad day
 

My bad days seem to be getting harder on some level. When I had bad days my first month everything was about rediscovering ways to handle them. Now ways that I found worked aren’t really working and I’m beginning to feel suffocated by some emotion I can’t name. It’s like sadness, resentment for not having me time in my family situation, confusion about what I want, sorrow for processing loss. So far the emotions pass, music so far is my best go-to, but even with the music today I feel like I’m going stir crazy in my thoughts. I feel like I’m searching to figure something out but I’m not sure what. I feel unsettled but I’m not sure what to do with it.

Normally this was my favorite emotion to drink away. The let it all go, go a little crazy, and feel the warmth of wine flow through me. So as you can imagine this is still he worst feeling to have to sit with. I’ve had it my entire life, a kind of feeling like I need to go do something but I’m not sure what. Antsyness maybe? I don’t know.

Anyway, I’ve never wrote about it, so this probably seems so vague but ugh... I feel like screaming, crying, doing something wild, celebrating, and going crazy all in one.

(((((Readygo)))))

What does that mean? I’m newer to this so I’m just curious 🤔

Then do it. None of them require alcohol.

() = hugs
Lots of ((((())))) = lots of hugs.

I've been where you are before. Sending you hugs and hoping that you can handle those feelings. Do whatever you can buy, don't drink.

Ready,

For me, when I felt like that it was suffering.

It lasts for a long long long time. I am coming up on 3 years without getting drunk.

3 years without turning off my mind with booze. That is what booze does. It turns off our analysis for a short time. Our problems melt away. Why was I ever stressed out.

This worked for years and years. Problems that seemed so big at first, the next day were gone. So it did work for the silly little problems.

But, obviously it was ruinning my mind and physical health.

When I quit all the little problems didn't go away. I would obsess over them. Sometimes for the whole weekend or what ever.

But, I came here and talked about them. I went to AA meetings and talked about them. I googled how to deal with obsessions and anxiety.

It is so much better now. I get frustrated still, but not like before. It is a whole new and better world.

It is how I was designed. I was not designed to be drunk all the time. None of us are.

Like they have been telling me since my first post on SR... it got better and better.

I still suffer, but I roll the tape and know that a relapse will only hurt me.

Booze is poison.

Thanks.

I've only been sober for few days, but I know EXACTLY what you mean about the constant discomfort of always feeling like something's off or missing, but not knowing what. Had that my whole life, eventually even when I was drunk. Just wanted to say reading that you're still on top of your drinking after more than a month... I think.. And knowing you've done it with that same nagging need to flip out and do something extreme and self destructive...has really given me hope I can do the same. Keep at it, you can do it :)

Also, as a side note, I've always found sprinting down the road for a minute..you know like Phoebe's mad running in Friends...has always really helped me shut that feeling up for a while. And I hate running!

Doing something physical always helps me feel better, too, tho I draw the lne about running.
I have this rule about not throwing up after exercise.
Call me whacky, but there it is.

Everyone has bad days, in recovery or not. I hope tomorrow is better for you readygo :)

D

You articulated this really well, I think. I know this feeling you describe. And I know that because alcohol chased it away, so too did it make it worse. And then the bastard is still there when you quit. The only way out is through. I’ve learned to sit with it, if I can, as long as I can, and find its inverse. I focused on gratitude, even though I was resentful about forcing myself to focus on and feel it. Resentment is as sneaky as an alcoholic voice. I think they’re so closely aligned that they are often the same thing.

And then, everyone really does have a bad day. We have to keep going. It gets better.

B

I think Prince felt this way sometimes, too.

please read 'the unexpected joy of being sober' by Catherine grey. when my heads starts to go walks....i pick this book up. it truly is my booze bible. youll laugh, youll cry youll resonate with everything in it. so brutely honest/touching. beautiful book