wayforward

Hey everyone. So I made 33 days, which was the most progress I've made with both sobriety and my mental attitude during sobriety.

But for whatever reason, last Thursday, I caved. There was no external pressure, no particular trigger other than maybe some disappointed feelings and a bit of boredom. I don't know what exactly drove me to going to the liquor store that night after so much positivity and progress, though. I think I was getting lonely and doubting my ability to be social while sober. After a few drinks, I started to call people, old friends. I went out, I had good conversation that I surely could have had while sober, but I gave into that dark association of alcohol and social ability and kept it going for a few days.

And of course, any of the benefits I perceived during my first night or two of drinking again were quickly diminished by my thoughts and behaviors on day 3, which were all based on just maintaining and not feeling crappy -- I was essentially back in service of the alcohol rather than the other way around.

I should have made a thread before going to the store. I should have made a thread after coming home. I didn't utilize these resources. There's also the fact that this is the only resource I have for my sobriety. I have to engage in-person resources this time around.

Either way, I'm back on board. I had a drink this morning to stave off a hangover, so it's not technically day 1, but after that I let myself suffer a little bit and stopped the cycle. I'm happy to be back and hope to go even further this time.

ProfessorD

I relapsed too. wayforward. Right there with you. We got this, friend!

SoberLeigh

So glad that you are back with us, wayforward and ProfessorD.

Shore up the holes in your plans and move forward. (Posting here before drinking sounds like a great way to plug and shore up the hole! )

Onward, together.

Sophie11

Never give up giving up! The fact that you got back on here and fessed up and want to try again are all very positive signs. Recovery is never going to be a bump-free road and I think you just have to learn from a slip up, then move forward, not back. 33 days is great and in fact I’m jealous as I haven’t managed that before, so you’re an inspiration. Thank you for sharing so honestly- it makes me feel human about my own past mistakes. And inspires me that I too can do this....

lessgravity

Get back up on this Way. Enjoyed your posts on my threads and others.

As you said, only you can do this for you.

Welcome back.

PinkPanther08

It happens sometimes the mind just takes over and we do things we know we shouldn't. I know I have. MANY TIMES. Just get back focused and back on track. Don't beat yourself up.

wayforward

ProfessorD and lessgravity, you are my February classmates so I feel a sort of e-kinship with you guys. Thank you for the encouraging words.

SoberLeigh: Onward together, indeed. Thank you very much.

Sophie11, I'm happy my honesty helps inspire you. Posts like yours very much do the same for me.

And, I agree, PinkPanther, no point in beating myself up. Just dust off and get back on the horse.

damascus1986

keep coming back!

Rar

I'm glad both of you came right back ready to commit again. I've relapsed before and it look me quite awhile to come back. I'm proud of you. We have to keep trying.

lessgravity

Keep it movin' Way.

What might you do differently this time? Are you reading anything good on alcoholism? I have torn through a couple classics and have reread a couple as well. Feels good to fill my brain with that stuff - like giving the subconscious some lifelines and perspectives to deal with the beast.

Keep posting. No one is coming to save us.

Babescake

You came here, you acknowledged it and you made it only a 3 day relapse. You're learning and hopefully progressing in your will/toolbox toward sobriety. Keep striving forward and good job on posting.

Dee74

Didn't you have a presentation or a project due last Thursday wayforward?

D

wayforward

I think a big part of my relapse this time around was just too much at once. I was on a restrictive diet, which made me kind of irritable, I was consuming too much caffeine which made me more anxious, and also going through some other major life changes.

Although I still want to keep up with the gym and other pursuits, I think prioritizing the sobriety will be key. As far as reading goes, I've downloaded so many ebooks related to sobriety, but I wouldn't say anything has particularly spoken to me. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot out there that is interesting, but I found myself getting more interested in the science when I think I really need more focus on self-work and psychology. If you have any recommendations, literature wise, let me know.

wayforward

That was actually the Thursday before last, but I will admit that the relapse was probably tied to me not hearing from the client I wanted to hear from (although I'm still technically being considered, but you know how that goes).

Dee74

Sorry, time flies

but yeah usually for me there were a number of triggers, and the pressure built up...I never asked for help.. boom.

D

lessgravity

I absolutely loved Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, though not alcohol focused. Spoke to the self I need to be to confront this disease, take responsibility and get my proverbial s--t together.

Dropsie

I also loved "Why we Suffer" also not alcohol related, but terrific, and Hip Sobriety, which is a great website and she does a class.

I had a weird experience yesterday.

I stopped drinking a number of years ago, but was walking through a train station in London and had the strongest desire to stop and buy wine. I almost never have this, so was thinking it was the stress, over tired, etc,

Then it hit me. I used to live in London and would have a glass or two of wine on the train ride home. This is a really tricky condition we have, so what I have learned is that the NO must be unconditional.

Once I totally accepted emotionally that I was addicted to alcohol and decided to stop and to never quit the decision, drinking was just no longer an option.

Simple but not easy. Even now writing the story makes me uncomfortable.

Needless to say, no wine, caught my train and ate a sandwich.

You got this.