soberquest

Ok, this is a very strange topic, but bear with me. My last blackout was my last day drinking. I lost an hour, and I've been trying to fill in the holes. I've done this everytime I've blacked out, but usually there is someone else with me that can inform me of my actions. This time I was at home by myself and I can't remember that hour. So.....my imagination is running wild coming up with all kinds of rediculous what ifs. One in particular, my neighbor ran into me and my husband a few days ago and acted weird, so my mind of course started making up ideas that I ran into him while blacked out......
I know I didn't run into him, but I can't seem to stop my imagination from trying to worry me. Anyone else experience this?

Andante

I always used to worry about what might have happened when I blacked out, too. You don't say how long ago this happened, but if it was within the last week, you may still be experiencing effects of acute withdrawal. It's pretty common for the brain to make up all kinds of weird stuff as it re-stabilizes after being sedated so heavily that you go into blackout.

I'm glad I quit drinking so I don't experience blackouts or the horror of withdrawal anymore. Could this be an option for you?

lessgravity

Yes, I have experienced this, I'm sure we all have on different levels, at different times. In high school it was funny - Oh haha I don't even remember doing -insert dumb irresponsible thing here-.

As an adult I think about my blackouts and they are terrible, shameful, disgusting episodoes that shake me to my core to think about the times I truly don't remember what I did or said or with who or where.

Just another reason not to give in to the beast.

No one is coming to save me.

biminiblue

I haven't had a blackout since I quit drinking.

I didn't usually even know I'd blacked out unless there was some evidence staring me in the face like a wrecked car or someone yelling at me or waking up in some place I shouldn't be. Scary stuff, that.

DreamCatcher17

I never knew what I did during a blackout. People would tell me what I had done, there is 1 person in particular that I didn't really believe. But I would have to let it go before the insanity of the situation kicked it. It was unhealthy to think and stew when I know for a fact those events will never enter my subconscious.

lessgravity

Also Soberquest - you just posted this line in your Can't Find the Why thread:

" The problem is, this is the happiest I've been. "

Have to say that statement really rings pretty false after reading this post.

soberquest

This was exactly a week ago. I wasn't a daily drinker, but when I did I binge drank. It's been my cycle for the last 3 years. I'm completely done drinking, I am one week into my sober journey and I will continue down this path.
I have extreme anxiety and depression, so I'm sure it's a combination of that with the withdraws. My husband is the only one I can talk to about any of this, and although he's drank side by side with me and is quitting as well, he doesn't seem to have any type of reaction at all.

Sophie11

Ugh this is so familiar. Even with the neighbour: I know one time I went over to borrow a spammer when half tanked and have a vague recollection and can only imagine what he thought. Especially as he is the standin landlord for my property as the owner lives abroad. Makes me feel sick.

Also, waking up to go back through my sent emails and texts to see what I’d sent out. Not a good feeling AT ALL.

The only thing I can say is: we are only human and I think you have to forgive yourself in order to move on. People make mistakes and the best thing we can do is to move forward towards sobriety. Never give up giving up.

Sophie11

Also- I have extreme depression and anxiety as well so can relate to that. I’m so sorry well done on being a week in though. I’m planning on finally getting some regular therapy to deal with my mum’s death as I know that fuelled my drinking- although I have just straight up depression too so also hope to improve my med regime. Have you seen anyone for the depression and anxiety? You deserve to not feel that way. I know it’s easy to say that and not act on it, but I do hope you’ve got support. Sending empathy. Xxxx

Anna

I experienced some blackouts towards the end of my drinking days. Blackouts are really scary, especially for a woman. I hope that you decide to never experience another blackout. Congratulations on 1 week of sobriety.

soberquest

Thank you Sophie! I am seeking counseling currently. I've found a place, making a phone call today to get started. I'm not sure what originally fueled my drinking, but I've experienced a lot of hardships throughout life that I'm sure is an accumulation of the reason. Thank you for your kind words, I wish you the best in your sober journey!

Wastinglife

I have lost entire weeks at a time. I wake up and don't know what day it is and can only string together vague memories. I look at my bank statement and see I was at some bar yet I will have no idea how I got there or what I said/did. Scary....