I was all over the place mentally during early recovery. One hour I was 'doing the damn thing!'...the next I was 'hating my past/present/future self and all the crap that came with my drinking.' Took me a couple weeks with here and some AA meetings to keep me sain. Even after over a year, I'll still have days with a lot of free time to reflect on my past and sometimes it gets me down(it's a good thing though). Now I try and work through it on my own. If I can't figure it out, I post here,pm someone who's been there or hit a meeting. Please know that drinking will reset your mood and in a couple days you'll be feeling what you're feeling now. Best to go ahead and get it over with. Stick close to here for a few days. Post,respond to others seeking help or just read instead of drinking.
Edit: Also..no need to apologize to us. We've all either been through the same... are going through it...or just starting. Nothing to be sorry for. You're at a good,understanding place.
'Dumb' it down as much as you can....makes it WAYYYY easier!!