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Old 03-05-2018, 06:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Scared


Hello everyone wasnít even couple days ago I was on here drunk and thinking self harm!!!! Well whatís really scary is thinking about it sober!!! Iím trying so hard to be happy and positive and ignore it but I keep going to this dark place!!!! When your alone itís worse Iíve tried to talk to someone and they didnít care and said itís all my head my addiction my depression and thoughts of ending everything they said go a head you wonít do it !!! Iím trying to be strong and here for my kids and my mom but I canít even be here for myself!!! Iím about to my end I canít take it anymore but I know itís wrong to end your life....Iím scared to go to the hospital because I know they will admit me and I donít what they would do I have my kids and animals to take care of... rehab I donít want to be away from my kids and I think Iím beyond AA but Iím tried of suffering Iíve took my Ativan to try and chill me out and it hasnít worked Iím feel awful bugging yíall but I donít know where to turn I just want things to be better and love my life again not end it but it seems to be on my mind more and more I donít know whatís wrong with me I can set and deal with it I can drink on it I can try and find help or take the easy way out each option honestly scares me and Iím ashamed to admit this because I know this truly isnít me... Iím sorry
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Old 03-05-2018, 06:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Sorry you feel that way.

For me: I have to be healthy mentally and physically in order to take care of those around me properly. I'd do whatever that takes in order to help myself and be the mom I need to be for my son.

If you're thinking of self harm, please get help.
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Old 03-05-2018, 07:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I was all over the place mentally during early recovery. One hour I was 'doing the damn thing!'...the next I was 'hating my past/present/future self and all the crap that came with my drinking.' Took me a couple weeks with here and some AA meetings to keep me sain. Even after over a year, I'll still have days with a lot of free time to reflect on my past and sometimes it gets me down(it's a good thing though). Now I try and work through it on my own. If I can't figure it out, I post here,pm someone who's been there or hit a meeting. Please know that drinking will reset your mood and in a couple days you'll be feeling what you're feeling now. Best to go ahead and get it over with. Stick close to here for a few days. Post,respond to others seeking help or just read instead of drinking.

Edit: Also..no need to apologize to us. We've all either been through the same... are going through it...or just starting. Nothing to be sorry for. You're at a good,understanding place.
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Old 03-05-2018, 07:25 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Old 03-05-2018, 07:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by xxxNICHOLExxx View Post
Hello everyone wasn’t even couple days ago I was on here drunk and thinking self harm!!!! Well what’s really scary is thinking about it sober!!! I’m trying so hard to be happy and positive and ignore it but I keep going to this dark place!!!! When your alone it’s worse I’ve tried to talk to someone and they didn’t care and said it’s all my head my addiction my depression and thoughts of ending everything they said go a head you won’t do it !!! I’m trying to be strong and here for my kids and my mom but I can’t even be here for myself!!! I’m about to my end I can’t take it anymore but I know it’s wrong to end your life....I’m scared to go to the hospital because I know they will admit me and I don’t what they would do I have my kids and animals to take care of... rehab I don’t want to be away from my kids and I think I’m beyond AA but I’m tried of suffering I’ve took my Ativan to try and chill me out and it hasn’t worked I’m feel awful bugging y’all but I don’t know where to turn I just want things to be better and love my life again not end it but it seems to be on my mind more and more I don’t know what’s wrong with me I can set and deal with it I can drink on it I can try and find help or take the easy way out each option honestly scares me and I’m ashamed to admit this because I know this truly isn’t me... I’m sorry
You need to think long-term not short-term. Short-term it is going to suck to be away from your kids but long-term going to the hospital and getting professional help is probably the best decision you can make for yourself and your kids. If you don't go to the hospital and end up killing yourself or not getting the help you need you are not going to be the mother your kids need.

We can help you on this board but there's only so much we can do. A trained professional that will be able to talk to you in person and constantly be around you can do so much for you. I'd seriously consider it.
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Old 03-05-2018, 08:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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You don't 'know' they're going to commit you - you're scared they might but thats pretty unlikely Nichole, especially you don't agree. They need court orders and all then..

We're all ordinary people here. None of us are crisis workers.
All we can do here is try and point you in the direction of competent help.

What about calling one of those crisis lines you got the number of last time?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...resources.html (Crisis Lines and Resources)

Some good reading in this link too:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html (If you are feeling suicidal please read:)

I know you're scared about calling numbers too - but is being scared you'll do harm to yourself any better?

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Old 03-05-2018, 08:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Sending a big hug xxx
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