Day 63 ish
 

Well I still haven't drank this year. Been over 2 months now, which is the longest since I was a teenager.

Anyway the last two days have been hard. Nearly caved earlier.

I think its because I am at point 'A' in life and want to be at 'B' (have my own business,married, in love, kids etc) and although I'm still not 100% exactly sure how it will turn out, the amount i need to do is colossal!

I just feel flat. I feel like i'm at the bottom of a mountain and i can't even see the top. It's gonna be so much hard work. And at the moment i am struggling for energy.

Maybe I should just go back to my own way of not caring and having a good time and **** life off.

Anyway that's my vent for now.

You and I are around the same day count. Congrats on sticking with it for so long, it isn’t easy, it takes a lot of work mentally and physically, and the effort to stay sober can’t be put into words. Many times when I’ve been at the point of F it, I really rely on other wisdom and experiences and believe that it will get better, if I drink again it will get worse and if I did start, tying to stop again is harder and harder each time.

I know in my hard weeks or strides I have to ramp up my blog reading, watching others rave about being sober, write in a journal, vent, make lists of gratitudes that at the moment seem rather annoying, and grit my teeth through it with faith that it really is worth it!

If being sober wasn’t so great not many people would reach out to others encouraging them to stick with he hardship of the first few months to year.

I truly hope you can muscle your way, the top of the mountain is there even if you can’t see it. You deserve true happiness and health!

Just sharing my experience here, for whatever that's worth. I tried controlling/moderating my nightly drinking. I would promise myself every single morning that Tonight I would only drink 1 bottle of wine. But , by 3:00pm I would get very anxious about having only 1 bottle of wine at home. I'd given in to my Addiction and buy more.
I could not fight my desire for alcohol. I could not find whatever "muscle" you guys are referring to, I could not read enough of anything to stop that desire to buy more and drink. No amount of crying from my son. There was nothing in this world that I could tap into to make me stop drinking myself into a blackout every night of the week.

Well, I'm on a plane and no time to finish my post.
:grouphug: Bobbi

Well done on your time. Push through this blah phase, I bet you’ll be glad you did!

Well you could do that, but would drinking help you get from point A to point B?

Maybe the trick is learning to cope with the challenges in life. And also learning how to allow yourself to have a good time (f-it all as well) when that is what you need. Just cause the booze is removed doesn't mean ya can't tell everything to go away and do something fun/nice for yourself. I actually think it is so important to learn to do just that. Being sober doesn't always mean working, being serious and being the one that 'does it all'. Balance.

I don't know if you 'go in' for AA but I have learned soooo much about how to live life, how to cope with stress, how to set boundaries, stick to my values and take care of myself in those meetings. A lot of that is in the steps for sure, but a lot of it is just listening to how people cope with day to day stuff. I just didn't know how to do that....so everything would pile up and I'd say "screw it' and drink.

Al,

Love your honesty. I never made it 2 months in the end. I would always cave around 9 days to a month.

For me, at 90 days clean I was losing my mind and i had serious craves for well up to a year.

I came to sr and learned it can take years to normalize. Years. The brain has to rewire.

Relapse looms the whole time. I am craving a bit right now. But, I am off to the gym and shopping.

I had to make a lifestyle changes and always remember why I quit.

I am educated all about booze. I have learned that it is a highly addictive neuro toxin that insideously damages our brain and body.

I was dieing a slow, ugly, pathetic death. I am not going out like that.

I work on my recovery, as required, daily.

Thanks.

Hi Al

It got so I was thinking feeling flat was the price I'd pay for being sober...but things got better after 90s :)

Don't leave before the miracle happens - its not a cliche :)

D