I had crazy dreams as I slowly healed.
I still have them now, but not always. The dreams sometimes leave me traumatized and it takes me a while to calm down and go back to sleep.
But, It is awesome waking up a strong as possible, drug free.
I periodically think this: The only way I could ever rationalize waking up with a hang over was ok was because I was physically addicted. A relapse today would be sad for me, my family, my coworkers, and for many here.
It will never happen.
I hold myself accountable. Accountability is huge in a normal life. Whether it is to ourselves, our family, our boss...accountability is what keeps this addict clean.
I have good and bad things going on these days. Each day I am able to face these things with a good conscious knowing I am all that I can be.
It is what feeling normal is all about. I am not there yet. I still crave and think about relapsing when things go good and when things go bad.
If it wasn't for SR, I would have relapsed hard many times by now.
When I crave I think of the next day after effects:
high blood pressure, sleep issues, strength loss, immune system compromise (sick).
BpSSS. My mantra.
Studied "alcohol kindling" and "alcohol PAWS."
Last intoxication: 8 May 15.