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Day 7 without drinking... most of those days I had a nasty head cold but here I am on a Saturday night and all I want to do is drink a bunch of vodka and smoke a pack of Marlboros. I don't even smoke unless I drink. But when I do I chain smoke and feel like hell the next day. I have been a binge drinker since my teens. I am now 45 years old. I hate looking back at the person I become when I am drunk. Dominate every conversation, talk incessantly, so happy, ridiculously positive and so happy. Too much to handle. The next day, regret, shame, sickness, guilt, disgust.... and then a few days later all I can think of is how much I need...deserve...a drink. I might last a week but that's about it. Its like I have two different people inside me. I am scared. When that other voice takes over it is so strong. I am a wife, mother, daughter and friend but feel like I let everyone down. Some days I am great, take care of everyone, but the hungover days I am in bed and everyone just leaves me alone. I hate the example I am being to my two teenagers. Sorry this is so long but I guess this is the first step. I cant even count how many times I have said this is it. No more. And then just this last time because...... rough day, stress , anxiety blah blah blah. I always find some excuse. So very sick of feeling sick. Just want relief and some peace.

Welcome, Rae - it's so good to meet you.

Congratulations on your Day 7. We know how hard you worked to get there. Weekends are a challenge in the early days, but it gets easier as you get more sober time behind you.

I had a similar routine for many years - but because I didn't do anything about my drinking, I became completely dependent on it. Just before coming to SR and quitting, I was drinking 'round the clock - very close to destroying myself. Alcohol turned me into a person I didn't even recognize, and I was leading half a life - putting myself in danger & risking everything. This won't happen to you. You'll be free.

It is very hard in the beginning. I am also a wife and a mother. My mom passed away 3 years ago. I hated being too hung over to do anything with my family and popping Advil an coffee just to get through.

There are a lot of people here who are extremely supportive. I hope you stick around.

Hi Rae :)
Welcome - you'll find support here. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to not drink but with the support and advice here I made it - I know you can too :)

D

Thanks for the support!

Welcome Rae! Congrats on 7 days! It’ll get better.

Congratulations on 7 days! Some nasty days are behind you. You are doing great. Stay close to SR and continue to read and post. You don't have to feel this way ever again. As you gain more days, you'll realize how strong you really are. Hang in there.

Welcome Rae and congrats on 1 week!