Lost for words
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 752
First off thank you for your support it’s highly appreciated!!!! Y’all are good people and bless to have this site!!!!
I’m very ashamed of myself... I don’t know what got into me and what was going through my mind... it obviously wasn’t me thinking I let my addiction take over!!!! It’s very scary how alcohol can control you and make you think and do things while under the influence...
I really should of went to the ER last night but I was scared of what they would have done and i would had to call someone to take me then admit to them... If I called 911 i was scared I would get arrested and my took my guns!!! I was to scared to call the number because I didn’t know what would happened!!! It’s depressing that I set there with a gun staring at it for minutes and putting it my head thinking o well!!!! I didn’t want to...but something kept telling me it’s the only way out which I know that bullish.t !!! I could of easy acted on a split second or accidentally Shot my self!!! But over what drinking, drugs, family illness, mental illness??? Then leave my family in pain without answer and suffer....
I thought the only way to keep myself from self harm was to keep drinking until i blackout while drinking which doesn’t make any sense!!!! I woke up with a couple empty bottles and a gun by my side don’t remember getting that!!! But with this experience and whoever reads this don’t be an idiot like me get help stop drinking and count your blessings!!! One wrong mistake and it’s over and it’s not worth it!!! Guess why???? When I woke up my mom still has cancer I’m still an alcoholic and still feeling depressed feeling awful nothing changed but other then made me worse!!
I HATE addiction it takes everything away for a quick fix and it’s never happy or satisfied!! It turns me into someone I’m not I’m tired of the cravings and struggle and becoming weaker to it I have to stop feeding into it and starve it out!!!
Something every upsetting and unspeakable happened to me today well was said to me today and I really don’t know how to process it and what to do about it really hurts but maybe I’ll forget about it and move on but I know drinking isn’t one way to handle it
Thank you a million everyone!!!! I actually feel loved and cared about!!!
I’m very ashamed of myself... I don’t know what got into me and what was going through my mind... it obviously wasn’t me thinking I let my addiction take over!!!! It’s very scary how alcohol can control you and make you think and do things while under the influence...
I really should of went to the ER last night but I was scared of what they would have done and i would had to call someone to take me then admit to them... If I called 911 i was scared I would get arrested and my took my guns!!! I was to scared to call the number because I didn’t know what would happened!!! It’s depressing that I set there with a gun staring at it for minutes and putting it my head thinking o well!!!! I didn’t want to...but something kept telling me it’s the only way out which I know that bullish.t !!! I could of easy acted on a split second or accidentally Shot my self!!! But over what drinking, drugs, family illness, mental illness??? Then leave my family in pain without answer and suffer....
I thought the only way to keep myself from self harm was to keep drinking until i blackout while drinking which doesn’t make any sense!!!! I woke up with a couple empty bottles and a gun by my side don’t remember getting that!!! But with this experience and whoever reads this don’t be an idiot like me get help stop drinking and count your blessings!!! One wrong mistake and it’s over and it’s not worth it!!! Guess why???? When I woke up my mom still has cancer I’m still an alcoholic and still feeling depressed feeling awful nothing changed but other then made me worse!!
I HATE addiction it takes everything away for a quick fix and it’s never happy or satisfied!! It turns me into someone I’m not I’m tired of the cravings and struggle and becoming weaker to it I have to stop feeding into it and starve it out!!!
Something every upsetting and unspeakable happened to me today well was said to me today and I really don’t know how to process it and what to do about it really hurts but maybe I’ll forget about it and move on but I know drinking isn’t one way to handle it
Thank you a million everyone!!!! I actually feel loved and cared about!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
I’m glad you posted Nichole and I’m glad you’re okay. Do you have any support or a plan to help you turn things around? Last night was awfully dark for you, how are you going to not be in that same situation again?
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Well I tried to talk about it today and the answer I got was very disturbing really don’t have any support other then here I’m hoping to get on the right medication and think happy thoughts again just got to figure this drinking thing out
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Originally Posted by xxxNICHOLExxx 
Well I tried to talk about it today and the answer I got was very disturbing really don’t have any support other then here I’m hoping to get on the right medication and think happy thoughts again just got to figure this drinking thing out
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Originally Posted by xxxNICHOLExxx
Well let’s just say there is a slight issue with AA and support groups unfortunately!!!
I know for me AA and the connections I’ve made there to other women just like me has really helped me get sober.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 312
Nichole, I'm so happy to hear that you're ok. Good idea to talk to your doctor, and of course you have us here to talk to. I know it's hard, but try to focus on the positive for the next few days - that you are back here and moving forward with your recovery. Take care, hope you feel better soon.
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Originally Posted by Anna
Nichole, guns and alcohol are a deadly combination. If you are keeping your guns, I really hope you get rid of all your alcohol and don't get anymore.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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Very relieved to see you posting, Nichole. Drinking is only making you more miserable & unable to cope with things. It doesn't help us the way we once thought. You don't need it. Please get free of it & you can rise above this bad time in your life.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Thank you hevyn I didnt realize how bad I was last night until I woke up today and read through everything.!!!! No wonder y’all saying call those numbers and 911 or ER !!! I guess alcohol fooled me again only thing it kept telling me keep drinking and it will be fine you call those number or ER you’ll get in trouble and only bad thing will happen turns out the total opposite when sober imagine that!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
So glad you posted Nicole.
One thing I frequently think of, I need yo stay sober for my parents as they are and may face illnesses. I don't want them worrying or not focusing on themselves. You gotta stay sober and present for your mom. Could you imagine her grief had you killed yourself, on top of her cancer diagnosis. Alcoholism makes us selfish. You have to be present, support her, love her, spoil her. You cannot drink. Think of it that you don't havd the right to hurt her more, if thst hrlps.
One thing I frequently think of, I need yo stay sober for my parents as they are and may face illnesses. I don't want them worrying or not focusing on themselves. You gotta stay sober and present for your mom. Could you imagine her grief had you killed yourself, on top of her cancer diagnosis. Alcoholism makes us selfish. You have to be present, support her, love her, spoil her. You cannot drink. Think of it that you don't havd the right to hurt her more, if thst hrlps.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Nichole, I'm SO glad you're OK. I really do think you need to take action to ensure that nothing like that ever happens again...your mom, and your precious, adorable little kids need you to be alive and well. I know you said your husband "forbids" AA, but that is an issue in itself. I really don't think it's his choice anymore. It is literally life or death, for YOU. 
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