Nichole, why not call one of the numbers Anna gave you? You can talk this through with someone experienced in these type of situations.

They are there to help you, not make things worse. Give it a try ... make the call. You can decide about 911 after you speak with them.

1-800-487-4889

Never had called any of those numbers they probably track you down and alert the cops

I know you're scared but I've never heard of that.
They simply don't have the resources to track everyone down that way.

Its not why they're there :)


we wouldn't recommend anything that is not in your best interest Nichole :)

I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. Please take care of yourself so you can be there for her. I'm here if you need to talk.

Just over a week ago you said you haven’t done AA or rehab as you are trying to keep that as a last option.

Is it time yet? Or you think you want a bit more misery and a few more close calls?
You know, people do die through this illness. By accident and by their own hand. It might not be third time lucky.

Your parents offered you rehab. They love you and want to help you. Thing is YOU have got to care enough about yourself to accept that help.

You could get to an AA meeting today. There are people there who have been and felt just as hopeless as you, and they found the way out and can show you as well. But not if you don't go.

There ARE options. But you need the willingness to try them.

BB

Nichole, I’m worried about you and I hope you were able to call and talk with someone. I’m sorry to hear about your mom. You’re in my thoughts xx

We’re all here for you.
You are not alone.
Although you don’t see it now, you DO have so much to live for.

So sorry to hear about you mothers diagnosis.
My mother was diagnosed with breast and spine cancer a year ago along with heart problems.
I drank more every day to blank it out but it only depressed me to the state I couldn’t get out of bed.
I went to pre detox sessions for 6 weeks but stopped drinking before the actual detox.
I found my depression lifted and I found easier to find ways of coping with the things life throws my way.

As for the gun play.
Q: What are guns made for?
A: killing.
Throw the bullets away and get rid of it. There is enough danger in your life at the moment.

There is no shame in getting help.
It is extremely difficult to go it alone.
You are a loved
You deserve all this pain to be put into perspective.

Don’t feel bad for posting drunk
Or for the things you posted.
You did the right thing coming to SR

Best wishes
Take care

I was pretty close to right where you are not too long ago. Fast forward, right now, I am the happiest I've been in years.

Just because you are upset and feeling down now doesn't mean you will feel the same way a month from now or even a week from now. Tomorrow is another day. You can get sober and live a great life. Plenty of people have been in your situation and done it. All you have to do is look at the posts on here. There's probably someone who starts a thread every day saying '2-months clean, a year-clean, ten-years clean etc.' They all were probably in your situation or close to your situation at one point.

Don't give up. Suicide is so very final. That is it. You will not come back from that. You are robbing yourself the chance of ever turning your life around and being sober/happy.

Good morning Nichole. Big hugs and hopes that you're feeling a little better today. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself. I really hope you come back here to continue on this journey with us. Your words over the last week have really helped me and I hope we can keep supporting each other. We'll be here when you're ready. Take care.

Good Morning Nichole. I hope you're feeling a little better today. I'm sorry about your mom's diagnosis. Both of my parent's had cancer. They needed me - not only for support, but to help with their physical needs and care. I could never have been there for them had I not been sober. Your mom is going to need you. Please continue to post here. You can get sober! You have the power to heal yourself and we can help. You're not alone.

Nichole, I hope you check in soon and let us know that you're OK...thinking of you!

Hope you’re feeling better today Nichole. Please let us know you are okay!

Nichole - please please please check in.

Nichole I hope you’re ok, please check in soon.

Nicole ..Thinking of you ...Xxxx

First off thank you for your support it’s highly appreciated!!!! Y’all are good people and bless to have this site!!!!
I’m very ashamed of myself... I don’t know what got into me and what was going through my mind... it obviously wasn’t me thinking I let my addiction take over!!!! It’s very scary how alcohol can control you and make you think and do things while under the influence...

I really should of went to the ER last night but I was scared of what they would have done and i would had to call someone to take me then admit to them... If I called 911 i was scared I would get arrested and my took my guns!!! I was to scared to call the number because I didn’t know what would happened!!! It’s depressing that I set there with a gun staring at it for minutes and putting it my head thinking o well!!!! I didn’t want to...but something kept telling me it’s the only way out which I know that bullish.t !!! I could of easy acted on a split second or accidentally Shot my self!!! But over what drinking, drugs, family illness, mental illness??? Then leave my family in pain without answer and suffer....

I thought the only way to keep myself from self harm was to keep drinking until i blackout while drinking which doesn’t make any sense!!!! I woke up with a couple empty bottles and a gun by my side don’t remember getting that!!! But with this experience and whoever reads this don’t be an idiot like me get help stop drinking and count your blessings!!! One wrong mistake and it’s over and it’s not worth it!!! Guess why???? When I woke up my mom still has cancer I’m still an alcoholic and still feeling depressed feeling awful nothing changed but other then made me worse!!
I HATE addiction it takes everything away for a quick fix and it’s never happy or satisfied!! It turns me into someone I’m not I’m tired of the cravings and struggle and becoming weaker to it I have to stop feeding into it and starve it out!!!

Something every upsetting and unspeakable happened to me today well was said to me today and I really don’t know how to process it and what to do about it really hurts but maybe I’ll forget about it and move on but I know drinking isn’t one way to handle it
Thank you a million everyone!!!! I actually feel loved and cared about!!!

I’m glad you posted Nichole and I’m glad you’re okay. Do you have any support or a plan to help you turn things around? Last night was awfully dark for you, how are you going to not be in that same situation again?

Well I tried to talk about it today and the answer I got was very disturbing really don’t have any support other then here I’m hoping to get on the right medication and think happy thoughts again just got to figure this drinking thing out

We’ll stay close to SR, we care about your well being. Is there AA or other support groups available in your area?

Well let’s just say there is a slight issue with AA and support groups unfortunately!!!

Okay, we’ll you have all of us on this site. Keep posting and keep reading!

I know for me AA and the connections I’ve made there to other women just like me has really helped me get sober.

Nichole, guns and alcohol are a deadly combination. If you are keeping your guns, I really hope you get rid of all your alcohol and don't get anymore.

Nichole, I'm so happy to hear that you're ok. Good idea to talk to your doctor, and of course you have us here to talk to. I know it's hard, but try to focus on the positive for the next few days - that you are back here and moving forward with your recovery. Take care, hope you feel better soon.

I totally agree but I own Guns and my husband own guns and my husband is a drinker so there is always beer whiskey vodka little bit of everything in the house things haven’t been easy but I guess I need to push harder

Thanks JT

Very relieved to see you posting, Nichole. Drinking is only making you more miserable & unable to cope with things. It doesn't help us the way we once thought. You don't need it. Please get free of it & you can rise above this bad time in your life.

Thank you hevyn I didnt realize how bad I was last night until I woke up today and read through everything.!!!! No wonder y’all saying call those numbers and 911 or ER !!! I guess alcohol fooled me again only thing it kept telling me keep drinking and it will be fine you call those number or ER you’ll get in trouble and only bad thing will happen turns out the total opposite when sober imagine that!!!

I want to add after everything that happened last night here i am setting craving just 1 drink knowing how bad it can get is addiction that strong or is it only as strong as we let it to be???

So glad you posted Nicole.

One thing I frequently think of, I need yo stay sober for my parents as they are and may face illnesses. I don't want them worrying or not focusing on themselves. You gotta stay sober and present for your mom. Could you imagine her grief had you killed yourself, on top of her cancer diagnosis. Alcoholism makes us selfish. You have to be present, support her, love her, spoil her. You cannot drink. Think of it that you don't havd the right to hurt her more, if thst hrlps.

Nichole, I'm SO glad you're OK. I really do think you need to take action to ensure that nothing like that ever happens again...your mom, and your precious, adorable little kids need you to be alive and well. I know you said your husband "forbids" AA, but that is an issue in itself. I really don't think it's his choice anymore. It is literally life or death, for YOU. :grouphug: