Lonely wife at home
 

I am the wife of an alcoholic. He won’t admit he’s an alcoholic, but you tell me. He is self employed and leaves work early, comes home and drinks. I never see him drink, but by the time I get home he’s drunk. He’s extremely argumentative, physical in as much as he pushes me, or sleeps. I dread coming home !! I’m so happy at work or out with friends, but home life is dreadful. I’m nearly 62 and the truth is I haven’t got the guts to move out and I’ve threatened to go so many times that he knows the threats are empty. He tells me to leave, knowing that I won’t go. He says that I get what I deserve and that it’s me that has a problem with drink, because I very rarely drink. I can enjoy myself without alcohol. I’m not looking for sympathy, I know I should leave, but the truth is, I have a lovely home, I don’t want to go.

I'd post this in the friends and family section too. He doesn't sound like he has ANY intention to do anything at all as far as his drinking is concerned. So, it's up to you on what you'll put up with for the sake of a lovely home(with a drinking/drunk roommate). I'd file for divorce and get to living my life in peace. You should also look into Alanon meetings.

I am sorry for your situation, that sounds horrible.
Physical abuse is NOT ok.

I hope you find the strength to leave or this will be how the rest of your life is spent. Sad.

A "lovely home" that is tainted by abuse.

"things" can be replaced. A "Lovely home" can be rebuilt, on a solid respectful ground.

I am sure you'll get good advice here, it's up to you do make the change. Maybe Alanon?
Counseling?

Best wishes to you,
DC

I feel sad about this post.

You do not need to allow violence and abuse in your relationship. Is a lovely home worth sacrificing your self-respect?

Please make use of the following information:

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies

Abuse information and support for every woman and every girl on Earth
Home « HotPeachPages International

National Domestic Abuse Hotline (US)
Home - The National Domestic Violence Hotline

Canada
Canada: domestic violence information « HotPeachPages International

UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
https://www.qld.gov.au/community/get...-getting-help/
call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.

Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis center
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
800-655-Hope

You can make any place a lovely home. You can never get these years of your life back.

^^What they said.

You aren't going to change him.

I live alone and love it. You could find a room or a roommate situation that would be far better than this prison you're in.

I left alcoholics - twice: more times than that if you just count dating situations. It's not going to get better. I've also left two live-in relationships that became physically abusive. Both those times I left with my stuff while the men were at work and never spoke to or saw them again.

No regrets on any of my choices and I would do it again if I had to.

Abuse is not ok, drinking, like many things makes it easy to do inappropriate things. If you feel unsafe then it really is time for action, but you need to be honest with yourself or have a counselor help you make and objective choice.
Strength and wisdom to you!

If you dread coming home, you have mentally moved out already. What little steps can you do to physically move out? Are you saving money, connecting with support systems to look into alternative living arrangements, talking to counseling or going to Alanon? We don't have to live with abuse. Do you think he will be there with compassion when your health starts failing or will it be your friends?

It requires a lot of courage to pack up and leave, but as others have mentioned, you won't get these years back. I feel for ya, it must be very hard. Support to you.