I used to get a little anxiety; a little agitation. Just a little. I wouldn't get much of either because I would resist them. I would sense them and then I would immediately do whatever I needed to do to hide from them, cover them up, drown them out. They seemed unpleasant. I didn't like feeling unpleasant. It was uncomfortable. It was scary. Something was wrong.
Drinking could fix that. I would feel better. Now everything was all right.
Not even close.
After the drinking the things that were creating the anxiety and agitation were still there, but now I also had shame, guilt, busted relationships, less money, more pain.
Maybe there is another way?
I had to stop drinking. Mrs Nons put me to the choice - find another way or find another place to live.
The worst part was the look on her face when she said it. She hated saying it more than I hated hearing it. Look what avoiding my anxiety and agitation had done for me. It hurt my favorite person.
I learned how to sit with my anxiety and agitation. They didn't magically disappear, but you know what? They aren't so scary. I don't enjoy the way they make me feel, but I can handle it. I can work through it. And do you know what I find on the other side of my anxiety and agitation?
Joy and Fulfillment.
All those years I spent chasing a high were an amateur's approach to life. I thought I was making things better, but all I was doing was depriving myself of the ultimate experiences life has to offer. Only a fool trades his joy for pleasure. I'm done being foolish.
Anxiety and agitation aren't a prison for me. They are a gateway. Bring them on, they are welcome here.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.