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Why I am here

Old 03-02-2018, 04:23 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Why I am here

Hi All

I am a newcomer to this site as such I thought I would introduce myself and tell my story as it is.

I am 29 at the moment and decided to quit drinking before I turn 30. My relationship with alcohol is and has been complex starting when I was 13 and continuing up to now.

In my teens and up to 20-21 my drinking was way out of control. I recognized early on that my motivation with drink was often escape from the world. I would drink to oblivion alone often and usually for no reason which I could see.

I got a tighter hold on my drinking after then limiting myself much more successfully and to my surprise was not known as a heavy drinker (in the context of the Defense forces). However the problem remained that while I could and can got to the pub or over to friends houses and have a drink with out incident I seem to reserve the real drinking for when I am alone. For it is when I am alone that if I know I can get away with it I will drink way to excess.

Now I know that perhaps my drinking to many people may not sound overly excessive as I didn't drink every day or even generally drink much more than a 6 pack when I did drink. The problem is for me that while its still manageable now I feel it pulling at me and I have even had to call in sick a few times to avoid blowing numbers at work in the last year.

Finally I decided to give myself a break and take a year off from drinking, assuming that as I really didn't drink that much it would be easy after a few weeks.

Now I am here because last night after 69 days booze free I drank. I had thought that the desire to drink would have gone but instead it seemed to disappear for a while and then come back stronger. I had noticed in the days prior to me choosing to drink that there was a almost overwhelming desire for me to drink. I could not push the thoughts out of my mind. And then finally I gave in and got drunk.

This tells me that I am an alcoholic as to me if I was not an addict then I would not crave it months after my last drink. So yeah I have joined this site as a way to talk to others who share the same bent as myself and hopefully to find ways to remain strong as I go on.
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:11 PM
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I can relate to your story. I havenít had a drink for nearly 3 weeks and am struggling to come to terms with the fact Iím an alcoholic.
I would only drink weekends, but I would drink to excess.
I feel nervous about the future at the moment, not sure if I can go without alcohol- which really just confirms that I am an alcoholic!
What doesnít help is that here in lovely England, we have been snowed in for the last week (this country canít cope with adverse weather). Iím hoping that once I can get out and about again, I can focus on anything other than needing a drink.
Good luck and youíre not alone.
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Old 03-02-2018, 01:12 PM
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Alcoholism is a sneaky and tricky disease. And, when I knew I had to stop drinking, I was overwhelmed with the idea to continue drinking. I'm glad you recognize that you are an alcoholic and that you are here and ready to change your life.
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Old 03-02-2018, 04:47 PM
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Many of us confused abstinence for control and drank again. Welcome AWald - you're in good company

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Old 03-02-2018, 11:16 PM
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Welcome AW.
Now you have recognised the problem ( which is a major step well done) you can act on it.

If you let it the booze will chip away at your mind , body and soul until it has your pants round one ankle and you can guess the rest.

Be wise, get the tools you need & don’t waste any time thinking you may be able to control it.

Life without alcohol is the best way.
29 years old is a good time to stop. ( it’s always a good time to stop)
Try not to let youth be wasted on the young.

I’m 42 in a week. I am starting to feel the endless energy I had start to deminish.
That gives you at least 13 years to run around doing the millions of things that don’t involve booze without getting tired. ( I can only speak from how I would have done things)

It would be so easy to wake up when you’re 40,50 ...... and think I have to stop today I have wasted too much life. Then still have a beer.

Good luck
Stay strong
Take care
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