YCDT

I drink 1 day a week, but I get black-out drunk usually. I can skip a week or two here and there. I think, deep down, I might feel like I am not really an alcoholic because I can go without. But...my logical brain knows its a problem because if I have more than 2 drinks, I cant stop myself. It's like I become someone else and my sole purpose is to get more.

I can't do rehab. I just can't. I tell myself I wont drink, and it might work a few weeks, and then my stupid brain goes "meh, you can just have one or two at dinner" and BAM its 12 drinks and I'm hung over as hell. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

What else can I do?

biminiblue

Not have that first drink?

I mean, read back what you just wrote.

You're ticking all the boxes here.

If you sit on the railroad track and a train comes, it's the engine that will kill you, not the caboose.

Don't pick up that first drink, no matter what your thoughts tell you.

Do that every day.

YCDT

I know! That's what I try to do. That's why maybe I think that (Deep down) I dont have a problem....because I end up doing it again. I think I will have the willpower to stop, and then I dont....just about every time.

YCDT

I don't understand myself. My brain knows what it needs to do, but Idk why I keep messing it up.

biminiblue

Seems like the results to your experiment are pretty conclusive, then?

Forward12

You may not be an alcoholic, but it sounds like you for sure do have an alcohol use disorder.
You can start seeking support through AA or other outlets, but you must come to terms with the fact that you can not handle alcohol in a reasonable manner.

YCDT

I have definitely come to terms that I can't handle alcohol, that's why I don't understand why I am convinced in this fact almost all the time...and when a opportunity presents itself I go back on what I know to be true. Its like a subconscious thing or something maybe? Idk I dont get it.

Maudcat

Hi, YCDT.
When we finally, irrevocably, absolutely accept that drinking is a problem and that we cannot manage it or control it, our path becomes clear.
Acceptance is key.

YCDT

I think I do accept it. But what can I do aside from AA?

J50

I think you fall under the category of binge drinker, which causes problems that are just as serious as alcoholism.

https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/binge-drinking.htm

While you may not drink everyday, your current drinking frequency is a problem which may not rear its head now, but it eventually will.

YCDT

Yes, I am definitely a binge drinker. I also just don't handle it well, my personality changes after 2 drinks.

YCDT

Btw, I am here because it is Friday, so my risk of a binge is today and tomorrow. If I get through these 2 days, I am good for at least another week.

biminiblue

You can get through these two days.

Good job coming here. Spend some time, post and read - it helps!

J50

I was too. I drank 3-4 times a week and didn't think my problem was "that bad", but had withdrawals. In the beginning you have to fight the temptation. Develop a plan and new habits. Do something different on that night you drink. You may have to avoid certain places or people. The key is to understand that your drinking is a problem, but you have the strength to deal with it. There is a wealth of knowledge here to help you with the journey!

YCDT

I think I can get through these 2 days, but the next week, and then the next...idk. The opportunity has to be created for me. This can be anything from going out to eat, DH saying he could go for a beer, a friend inviting me over, etc.

Forward12

Addiction therapists, self help books, SMART,... Also keep yourself out of bad situations such as going to bars or other places where you might be tempted.
You need to listen to yourself that you can not handle alcohol, and refuse to give into temptation as you know exactly what will happen if you take just a sip.

JayTee33

Hi YCDT, I'm pretty new to this, so this is fresh for me - I've had a problem with alcohol for over a decade and have often told myself that it was wasn't healthy...but I struggled a lot with admitting to myself and to others that I had a real problem. But it was SO liberating to do so. I feel like I can concentrate on my recovery now without struggling against my denial/the potential embarrassment of admitting it to others. And there are so many people out there who are ready to help when you "come out".

If you don't want to pursue AA or rehab, there are tons of other resources out there - some of the more experienced folks here will have a lot to share. I went to a Smart Recovery meeting yesterday where we talked about managing urges. You may want to check their website out, they have resources available for free online. Good luck.

thomas11

Not all alcoholics are homeless and drinking cheap wine. Some are just like you, can go without for a period of time, but once you pop the cork you are off to the races. Its just a matter of time before you have serious consequences. Hangovers are pretty minor compared to a DUI or a fight or something silly because you were drunk. I use this site for support and have been sober over 2 years. Best decision of my life.

MLD51

Yeah, I went a long time with a drinking pattern like yours. Years. Even then, I knew deep down I had a problem, but I could justify it and argue with myself that it wasn't THAT bad because I didn't drink every day, I never drank in the morning, I had a good job, house family, etc. Then my pattern gradually changed. More frequent binges. More issues related to drinking. A sinking feeling things might be getting out of control. But I still lived in denial. Then, I became a daily drinker. Sometimes a drink or two on a day, but other days, 3-4 days a week, much more than that. And blackouts, horrible hangovers, consequences really piling up. Eventually, I hated myself, hated life, and knew without a doubt I had to quit or I was going to die.

My point is, it's progressive. You already know that once you get started, you can't stop. That right there is all the warning you need that almost without a doubt, things will continue to get worse for you if you don't quit. I wish I had foresight when my pattern was still like yours. Could have saved myself and those around me a whole lot of pain. You have a chance to save yourself that pain. Do it. Don't be like me and a lot of other people here.

Somemightsay

Terrified!

Hi all, I’m completely new to this and have never even replied on a thread so bare with!!
I’m newly sober (under 3 weeks) and at the moment my biggest issue is ‘have I actually hit my rock bottom?’ I, like many others have a good job, run a nice house and bring up two kids on my own. I only used to drink at weekends, but it was becoming all I thought about. I’m not going to lie, I’m really scared, but alcohol wasn’t making me happy anymore. Really glad I found this site.