Gottalife

The concept of living amends does not appear in the program part Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The idea is anathema to the principle of step nine which is all about restorative justice. The lady whose TV you stole doesn't care that you've stopped stealing TVs, she just wants her TV back.

Jaytee, I am not sure if you are up to this step yet but be aware of what is mentioned in one of the previous steps, step 5.

"More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it." It goes on to talk about the tension this can create.

Sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but you might as well have the truth.

JayTee33

Hi Mike,

My mistake, you're right. I was doing a bunch of supplementary reading alongside the Big Book and somewhere along the line I picked up the notion of living amends. I just re-read the chapter and the focus is obviously on direct amends.

Seems to be a matter of some debate re. whether living amends should or shouldn't be a part of the program. I agree that direct amends would be vital. For me, I'm also really drawn to the idea of working towards my best self not just for myself but for those whom I've hurt through my drinking. I don't know if that makes sense to others.

I agree that I may not be ready to tackle this part of the work - I'm still pretty early on in my recovery. I'll continue to read, attend meetings and benefit from the experience of those on this site.

I wasn't clear what you were trying to convey with the quote - could you elaborate, if you don't mind?

Thanks,

JT

Dee74

Just so it's clear to newcomers - I'm not an AA member, so my posts aren't intended as advice on the 12 Steps - just sharing my experience

Living amends dovetails nicely with my ideas on Christianity, so it works for me

D

Gottalife

JayTee,
The quote was taken from step five in the part that explains why step five is a good idea. It is a generally accepted (though not AA) that our secrets keep us sick. So we get it all out in step five and squarely face the whole sorry mess. This was not something I particularly wanted to do, having spent most of my life minimising and concealing. The next four steps are about cleaning it all up. This process clears away all the stuff that lead us to drink, and spirtually blocks us, and we end up with the power to stay sober.

Many an alcoholic has tried to avoid this humbling experience and has tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives that they hope no one will never see the light of day. Similarly, the prospect of making amends to certain people about certain events is pretty daunting, so folks sometimes try to avoid that. Dr Bob was the first to try that approach, and he got drunk.

Often the cause of relapse is unmade amends, or secrets kept. This is where the double life comes in. Outward appearances are good, but the internal condition is under pressure from these unresolved issues. It is the internal condition we need to remedy in order to stay sober.

hope that helps.