Ghoster18

Yep.
I am in turmoil
I try and try and try to commit to recovery
The weight of addiction is too much now.
Can't shift it off me.

Full of negativity all in and through me.
StArving myself too.
WTF!!!!
Such a dangerous thing to relapse
Because once it ignites it just keeps fkn burning.
I'm terrified to be brutally honest.
Keeping my posts short now.

anxiousrock

Yep me too.

xxxNICHOLExxx

Hey
I was just there last night!!! We have to keep fighting with everything we have!! Keep your chin up and we can do this together whatever you do don’t drink trust me it won’t help with anything other then make it worse!!! I’ve lost track of how many day 1s I’ve had but that doesn’t matter I’m still trying I’m here today and sober tomorrow is a new day and we can make the best of it your not alone we are here with you I am here with you have you tried seeing a doctor or seeking help

Ghoster18

Yeah tried everything
I'm a stubborn fool.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Alcoholism/Addiction I get that
But In my mind I get lost trying to build a sober way of life.
Pity me eh!

xxxNICHOLExxx

You just described me
Take it easy on yourself

Blondescorp

I’m struggling today too. That’s why I’m deciding to read on here. It’s the best place I can be right now

ScottFromWI

Hope we can help you find some peace Ghoster, and all. Staying close to those who have been there can be helpful whether it's in person or virtual.

Ghoster18

Anyone else have this mentality?

I feel so unique and different
I judge everyone
I feel inferior or superior
I cry at stupid things, well maybe not stupid but I over react over think over analyse
I know all too well I can find myself described in the AA big book but the denial is a freakin monster in me.
Then when I do go to a meeting I feel so awkward and edgy and shameful it's like where's the way out of this.

xxxNICHOLExxx

I’m in denial about my addiction they bring me to my knees makes me do unthinkable things scary things makes me depressed miserable but I know that the addiction talking trying to hold us back I think once we stay sober get an action plan start recovery we can face who we really are and accept who we are and we have no control over alcohol and that’s something we can never do again and it will be a fight and it might hurt from time to time until we get there but that’s why we have to try harder ask for help and support each other I truly believe we can change if we force ourselves keep hope and stay positive one day at a time your already doing something right and that’s being on here

Dee74

I'm sorry you're still in active addiction Ghoster.
For me I just got to the point where I couldn't live that way one second longer.

Drinking, smoking and toking promised me nothing but more misery

I think most people can manage to jump off the train before that point tho.

Its just a matter of, like I said before, feeding the right wolf. Look at what you;re doing to feed your addictions, and then what you're doing to stay sober.

The latter should be full to bursting man

D

Vinificent

So sorry you are struggling like this. Keep reading and you will find others with multiple addictions who will share how they tackled it in various ways. It seems most of is need to focus on one at a time...for me it was the alcohol. It became anything to avoid drinking, and then comes the clarity to start tackling the other addictions. Best to you.

Dustitoffman

Having read this string I very much agree with Dee

The BAD 🐺 wolf appears to be doing all the talking at this point.

You need to dig deep and muster the courage to fight back. You owe it to yourself to live life.

Life is all about choices and changes and ultimately you are in charge. Take yourself to where you really want to be!
You only get one crack of the whip make it how you want it to be.
Make today the beginning of something new!

Gottalife

I felt just like that. In a room full of helpful, understanding smiling people I felt alone and ashamed. I thought they would kick me out if they knew what I was really like. I sat at the abck in the "ejector seat" by the door, ready for a quick getaway, and I just looked at the floor.

That all changed as I got into the steps, specifically step five. I lost my loneliness and shame in that process, and of course had a lot more in common with recovered folk who had worked the steps before me.

I found two type of people in AA. Those that understood what it was like to be alcoholic 9I could also find plenty of those in the bar, and those who understood what it was like to be alcoholic and how to recover from alcoholism. There are often a few of the latter at the meetings, and they were the folk who had the power to help.

Nonsensical

I did.
It didn't serve me very well to think like that, so I changed it.
Brains can be trained.
IMO, brains should be trained.
Before I started training mine it was like a toddler with a knife stumbling through the house. Very dangerous. You never knew who was going to get stuck.

You're going to feel like drinking again.
What are you going to do about it?

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Hawkeye13

I simply wasn't thinking straight in active addiction, and it sounds like you aren't either.

The first step is getting some sober time.
Then your mind will begin to clear and you can build recovery.

It isn't easy to get those first days and weeks of sobriety, but it is the foundation of everything Ghoster.

InApickle

Fear is an amazing emotion, it can completely destroy you unlike any other emotion.
It can take you on a journey into the depths of darkness and beyond, it wont listen to reason and is quite determined to keep you in a pit of despair.

But when you introduce reality to fear something changes. Reality can be introduced to fear by walking in a park, feeding some ducks , watching the sunset and the birds singing loudly as the daylight vanishes.
In other words looking and living in the moment instead of an imagined one, because this is what fear really is unless your life is at risk and a grizzly bear is about to pounce on you.
Fear is your imagination playing havoc with you, and introducing reality to it is the start of a change.

How hard you believe something is how hard life can be, to break the cycle look around you at the now, not the later, earlier, tomorrow or yesterday, that time has either been and gone or isn't here yet!

Dee74

Hows it going Ghoster?

D