Struggling at 3 weeks
 

Hello. I am three weeks sober today. The first two weeks were great. I felt great. I felt hopeful. Unfortunately on Friday I hit a wall. I was overcome with depression and anxiety and I haven’t been able to shake it since.

I am so worried about all of the stuff I did when I was drinking. All of the stupid things i said and did. All of the hurtful things. And the many, many hours that I’ll never remember. I was a drunken fool every weekend and I’m afraid that’s all people see of me.

Today I called in sick because I feel too anxious to even face the world today. I almost don’t feel worthy. I am hoping to at least go to a meeting tonight. I am meeting with my doctor but not until next week.

It felt good to type all of that out. Thanks for reading.

This is the really hard part, when you are sober and looking back at the messes you created. I know it was so difficult for me and it was around the 3 week part when it really hit me.

Have faith you can get through this. The memories will ease up with time and you will begin to trust yourself and others will also trust you.

It will get easier.

Hey joshlyman, hang in there. We can’t change the past but we can change our behaviors so we don’t make some of the same mistakes. I am 39 days sober and I’m beginning to stress about dealing with the mess I made in the past. I’m currently trying to work my way off “probation” at work because of my drinking. It sucks. It’s humiliating. But today, I won’t drink. They keep saying it’ll get easier and to stay in today - that’s what I try to do. Maybe it can help you too.

Hey man thanks for sharing this. Took some courage to do - you are reaching out and that's a good thing. Don't keep it bottled up.

And good on you for calling in sick. As long as it doesn't become a seriously job interfering thing no one at work will really care and sometimes a person just needs a day.

Keep going. You and I both know that if we decide to drink we just build more crap to be ashamed of in our lives - or far far worse, which is inevitable. Trust me, I just met inevitability. I suspect what you're feeling right now is quite natural. But don't be too hard on yourself.

You know what? Who cares really. All that stuff is done now and the good news is you don't have to wake up again knowing there's a new skeleton in the closet.

I know for me I'm not going to miss making an ass of myself when I got blackout drunk. But I get it. I've done plenty of reflecting and feeling bad about lost years and such myself of late. It's natural and you aren't alone.

I know one thing drinking and creating new messes won't fix it.

Hey Joshlyman. Good job at 3 weeks! Thinking about your past drunken blunders should give you a renewed sense of resolve to stay sober. Please don't let the past worry you. It's done and over with and I bet you think about it more than anyone else would. Forgive yourself, and keep working on today. Before you know it, those memories will be faded and nothing to elicit an emotional response. Hang in there!

Hi Josh :)
I know it's hard but we can't change the past - there's a lot we can do with today and tomorrow tho.

I've done more in the last 10 years than I did in the previous 20. If you feel like you must atone - you can :)

D