I am motivated to go to any lengths!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
I am motivated to go to any lengths!
The prison door is open
And I've walked outside of it today.
This is day zero for me.
But I am not crushed in fact I may be feeling like crap self inflicted
But I'm focused on recovery!
Being here and reading and taking it in is raising my consciousness into recovery thinking.
I also just had a fellowship phone call with a friend in recovery.
So I have to go to work in around 3 hours.
That's positive!
I have been a broken record for years up and up and down and down.
Honestly you couldn't make it up!
Positive attitude and outlook today
Got a sponsor
I know what I need to do and it all comes down to two rigorous home truths to myself about myself to keep me alive!
1- smash denial 100% and accept my illness. What it is and what I must not do anymore. Step1.
Or probably more importantly what I must do everyday so I stay stopped!
2- get in on with it
Recover! Accept I have allowed it to weaken my body and brain and that I have to be patient with myself as I restore my being back to a healthy balance.
None of this quick fix addictive demanding thinking but a real look in the mirror.
You are coming out of a sickness
It will happen every day now
At the rate your body needs to pace itself at.
And talk to people who are sober
Be accountable!
Follow my sponsors lead.
It's there for the taking.
I need to do this for me
Because that's how I believe all of you do it.
You do it for yourself then all the wonderful fruits of that reality ripple out to others in your life
I'm in recovery right now
I can't give it any attention negative sickness.
I am a child of God
Fearless and determined.
I have a job to do and it is a sober job and that job is to take care of Myself and to be of help to others stArting with my beautiful family other struggling addicts etc
G
And I've walked outside of it today.
This is day zero for me.
But I am not crushed in fact I may be feeling like crap self inflicted
But I'm focused on recovery!
Being here and reading and taking it in is raising my consciousness into recovery thinking.
I also just had a fellowship phone call with a friend in recovery.
So I have to go to work in around 3 hours.
That's positive!
I have been a broken record for years up and up and down and down.
Honestly you couldn't make it up!
Positive attitude and outlook today
Got a sponsor
I know what I need to do and it all comes down to two rigorous home truths to myself about myself to keep me alive!
1- smash denial 100% and accept my illness. What it is and what I must not do anymore. Step1.
Or probably more importantly what I must do everyday so I stay stopped!
2- get in on with it
Recover! Accept I have allowed it to weaken my body and brain and that I have to be patient with myself as I restore my being back to a healthy balance.
None of this quick fix addictive demanding thinking but a real look in the mirror.
You are coming out of a sickness
It will happen every day now
At the rate your body needs to pace itself at.
And talk to people who are sober
Be accountable!
Follow my sponsors lead.
It's there for the taking.
I need to do this for me
Because that's how I believe all of you do it.
You do it for yourself then all the wonderful fruits of that reality ripple out to others in your life
I'm in recovery right now
I can't give it any attention negative sickness.
I am a child of God
Fearless and determined.
I have a job to do and it is a sober job and that job is to take care of Myself and to be of help to others stArting with my beautiful family other struggling addicts etc
G
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You know all the recovery lingo.
Now just tell that inner self-destructive pleasure-seeking toddler, "No."
It's gonna cry - mine sure did. Then it will just sniffle. Then it will get on with it.
It's really simple to find pleasure in healthy ways, G.
Now just tell that inner self-destructive pleasure-seeking toddler, "No."
It's gonna cry - mine sure did. Then it will just sniffle. Then it will get on with it.
It's really simple to find pleasure in healthy ways, G.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Oh yeah I know the lingo alright.
But I'm still a defect looking for a bloody character!
Knowledge doesn't do it!
I've started again
I'm at work
I've listened to a 12 step recovery audio.
I'm doing my best with who I am today!
G
But I'm still a defect looking for a bloody character!
Knowledge doesn't do it!
I've started again
I'm at work
I've listened to a 12 step recovery audio.
I'm doing my best with who I am today!
G
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Daily action, such as meetings, talking with sponsor, self-care,
podcasts all should help Ghoster.
Number one always is no drink no matter what--cravings will come,
and strong ones once your AV gets you are really serious about this.
That was the hard one for me but the thing that finally worked was
riding through them and not even letting a glimmer of "just one" cross my dash.
Wishing you every success
podcasts all should help Ghoster.
Number one always is no drink no matter what--cravings will come,
and strong ones once your AV gets you are really serious about this.
That was the hard one for me but the thing that finally worked was
riding through them and not even letting a glimmer of "just one" cross my dash.
Wishing you every success
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Thanks guys.
Today I'm trying to organise debt management
It's coming at me from tomorrow
7 loan payments of insane interest rates.
I managed to get 3 organised from before when I had my 31 days sober
Then this last relapse 4 more loans
But I can't remember passwords to get into my loan accounts to see the payment schedules.
I'm having to get my mum to help me consolidate another low interest loan so I can pay off the monsters.
So challenging to be in reality and deal with the fallout.
On a positive note
I still have my drivers licence
And my job
And my home
And I'm alive!
I may be in serious debt and gone well beyond my means but I can one day at a time maintain abstinence
Get busy with recovery work
Which too be honest right now is too overwhelming
Just sleeping eating and working is about all I can manage until my body gets stronger.
I do my best with who I am today and I accept I cannot drink no matter what!
Does anyone ever wonder what the hell is wrong with them?
I know it's addiction/alcoholism
But it truly is an odd illness.
Cannot fathom it!
Just got to accept I'm not Like others
I have lost control of my drinking behaviour.
Glad I'm still in the game!!
G
Today I'm trying to organise debt management
It's coming at me from tomorrow
7 loan payments of insane interest rates.
I managed to get 3 organised from before when I had my 31 days sober
Then this last relapse 4 more loans
But I can't remember passwords to get into my loan accounts to see the payment schedules.
I'm having to get my mum to help me consolidate another low interest loan so I can pay off the monsters.
So challenging to be in reality and deal with the fallout.
On a positive note
I still have my drivers licence
And my job
And my home
And I'm alive!
I may be in serious debt and gone well beyond my means but I can one day at a time maintain abstinence
Get busy with recovery work
Which too be honest right now is too overwhelming
Just sleeping eating and working is about all I can manage until my body gets stronger.
I do my best with who I am today and I accept I cannot drink no matter what!
Does anyone ever wonder what the hell is wrong with them?
I know it's addiction/alcoholism
But it truly is an odd illness.
Cannot fathom it!
Just got to accept I'm not Like others
I have lost control of my drinking behaviour.
Glad I'm still in the game!!
G
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