3rd OWI - Life Changer
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by Rar 
I am impressed at how organized and determined you are! Occupying your mind with all of these details must help keep your mind off the withdrawal - yes? Keep going Buckley. I hope your work goes well today.
They say necessity is the mother of innovation. Guess I'm living it right now.
Hadn't thought about the distraction but yea, you're right. Aside from the night sweats and some other symptoms demonstrating that my body is still working to clear the ridiculous level I'd poisoned it on Friday I haven't thought much at all about any other symptoms - other than the occasional AV whisper. So there's that.
My house is a mess. I hope my ribs are a bit better by the weekend so that I can get down to cleaning like a madman on Saturday. Sunday I'm going to try to make a complete rest, meditation, read, and me day. I still deserve time to recover and rest.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Sunday I'm going to try to make a complete rest, meditation, read, and me day. I still deserve time to recover and rest.
Of course you do! You are healing - Must take time for rest and healing.
Of course you do! You are healing - Must take time for rest and healing.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Getting back to work is great. Had some laughs and a very productive session with my team this morning. I was on my game.
Feeling more human less monster.
Also may have picked up a bunch of consulting work that I may be able to do right up to the sentencing hearing. Will be tricky to coordinate some stuff but the money makes it worth a shot.
AV raged at me a bit which is odd. Not used to craves mid day. Probably the spring like weather and it’s realizing I’m serious about this.
Beautiful day out.
Feeling more human less monster.
Also may have picked up a bunch of consulting work that I may be able to do right up to the sentencing hearing. Will be tricky to coordinate some stuff but the money makes it worth a shot.
AV raged at me a bit which is odd. Not used to craves mid day. Probably the spring like weather and it’s realizing I’m serious about this.
Beautiful day out.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
"As for the past - screw it. Turn your back on it and move forward."
So, I think you may need to learn from the past, but not dwell there. If one is to be liberated, we must know "from what?" And, I assure you it's not merely from alcohol.
“The alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.” –Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 62.
A piece of Buddha advice from my sponsor (who is in no way Buddhist): "We cannot think our way into a new way of living; we must live our way into a new way of thinking." Meditate on that for a while. Let it enter your head and run around for a bit. That and the Serenity Prayer can give you safe harbor in rough seas that lay ahead.
I suggest you seize this opportunity to transform your life. You have the opportunity to become very intimate with life. It will take some years of discipline and hard work, but the payoff will be immeasurable by any metric.
You're on a cocaine-like high right now. I can feel your energy. It's like that. "If I do this, and this, and this..." That's how I was in the weeks following my crash, burn, and bottom. So much to do...
But, then comes the aftershock. Another crash. And we are left to ourself.
If you think AA is right for you, get a sponsor, even a temporary one. It's like a marriage, so you may have to go through a few. And know that each AA group is different. Some are dysfunctional, some are not my cup of tea. But, I learn from each, even if I learn how I do not wish to be.
Wally was a legendary Harley riding, silver bearded, wisp of a man, who was legendary in north Idaho AA. His mantra? "This **** works!" It does if you leave your ego at the door.
joy,
warren
So, I think you may need to learn from the past, but not dwell there. If one is to be liberated, we must know "from what?" And, I assure you it's not merely from alcohol.
“The alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.” –Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 62.
A piece of Buddha advice from my sponsor (who is in no way Buddhist): "We cannot think our way into a new way of living; we must live our way into a new way of thinking." Meditate on that for a while. Let it enter your head and run around for a bit. That and the Serenity Prayer can give you safe harbor in rough seas that lay ahead.
I suggest you seize this opportunity to transform your life. You have the opportunity to become very intimate with life. It will take some years of discipline and hard work, but the payoff will be immeasurable by any metric.
You're on a cocaine-like high right now. I can feel your energy. It's like that. "If I do this, and this, and this..." That's how I was in the weeks following my crash, burn, and bottom. So much to do...
But, then comes the aftershock. Another crash. And we are left to ourself.
If you think AA is right for you, get a sponsor, even a temporary one. It's like a marriage, so you may have to go through a few. And know that each AA group is different. Some are dysfunctional, some are not my cup of tea. But, I learn from each, even if I learn how I do not wish to be.
Wally was a legendary Harley riding, silver bearded, wisp of a man, who was legendary in north Idaho AA. His mantra? "This **** works!" It does if you leave your ego at the door.
joy,
warren
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
What a day.
The list of what I'm grateful for is too long to record here, highlights in no particular order: God working in my life, I'm sober, those on my inner circle supporting me, having a means to work, having a home to return to.
Morning was very good. I described it above. Afternoon got challenging, was reviewing dates & deadlines in a meeting with a team and we got to the dates in July / August and I was thinking "yea, I'll be in jail then" as I was trying to keep my composure and focus for the team.
As soon as the meeting was done I went out back and had to breathe deeply for awhile as I got a bit overwhelmed.
Got my poo together and went to see my boss - the guy that runs the place. We proceeded to have one of the highest quality conversations I've ever been in. It was long - over an hour. It was very open, transparent, and genuine. Topics included my very personal history with alcohol, spirituality, philosophical subjects, the timeline and consequences of my actions and their impact on the company and me (there was never a moment in this part of the conversation that I felt was anything other than us working out how we would handle the whole thing to keep me working.)
I am very fortunate.
A couple of topics regarding sobriety came to mind today that I think are important for me to write down.
From time to time I see the old me still very much alive. My ego - as warren pointed out a few posts ago - is not going to give up. I have to remain aware. Also, I need to keep moving and doing. If I pause for too long when my mind starts ruminating I'm afraid I'll give in to old patterns of thinking that I know give way to old patterns of behavior.
For example - DON'T procrastinate scheduling & attending my next AA meeting. DO follow through on my commitments to people and work. When I catch myself starting to ruminate in a judgmental way find something to DO to take my mind off it. You get the point.
I'm grateful that I'll be able to pull off a few financial moves that are going to help things. It still won't be pretty, but I'm aware it could be a lot worse. I don't let myself think too much about 'what ifs.' There's no point in it. This is this.
There is an opportunity at work I'm likely to miss out on b/c of the situation which could have provided more resources. It's with an outside company - not the company I work for. I thought about hiding things from him - and it may have been in my interest to do so - but couldn't bring myself to do it. O well. I need to play this whole thing as straight up as I can (without being too naive of course.) For what it could be I'm not going to complain.
Wow this is going to be one hell of a process.
Appetite returned - which is good. I'm going to hit the shower and crawl in bed. I'm going to throw myself into work. I realized today I don't have to wait until the legal affairs are done to change areas I can change. There's a lot I can do now in my sphere of control. An easy one is to commit to being as productive as I can to work.
Plan for tomorrow:
1. Sober. Duh.
2. Work my ass off.
3. Eat and sleep and rest.
4. If received in mail send in pre-payment requirement to initiate county authorized out patient treatment program.
5. Figure out my next AA meeting.
B
The list of what I'm grateful for is too long to record here, highlights in no particular order: God working in my life, I'm sober, those on my inner circle supporting me, having a means to work, having a home to return to.
Morning was very good. I described it above. Afternoon got challenging, was reviewing dates & deadlines in a meeting with a team and we got to the dates in July / August and I was thinking "yea, I'll be in jail then" as I was trying to keep my composure and focus for the team.
As soon as the meeting was done I went out back and had to breathe deeply for awhile as I got a bit overwhelmed.
Got my poo together and went to see my boss - the guy that runs the place. We proceeded to have one of the highest quality conversations I've ever been in. It was long - over an hour. It was very open, transparent, and genuine. Topics included my very personal history with alcohol, spirituality, philosophical subjects, the timeline and consequences of my actions and their impact on the company and me (there was never a moment in this part of the conversation that I felt was anything other than us working out how we would handle the whole thing to keep me working.)
I am very fortunate.
A couple of topics regarding sobriety came to mind today that I think are important for me to write down.
From time to time I see the old me still very much alive. My ego - as warren pointed out a few posts ago - is not going to give up. I have to remain aware. Also, I need to keep moving and doing. If I pause for too long when my mind starts ruminating I'm afraid I'll give in to old patterns of thinking that I know give way to old patterns of behavior.
For example - DON'T procrastinate scheduling & attending my next AA meeting. DO follow through on my commitments to people and work. When I catch myself starting to ruminate in a judgmental way find something to DO to take my mind off it. You get the point.
I'm grateful that I'll be able to pull off a few financial moves that are going to help things. It still won't be pretty, but I'm aware it could be a lot worse. I don't let myself think too much about 'what ifs.' There's no point in it. This is this.
There is an opportunity at work I'm likely to miss out on b/c of the situation which could have provided more resources. It's with an outside company - not the company I work for. I thought about hiding things from him - and it may have been in my interest to do so - but couldn't bring myself to do it. O well. I need to play this whole thing as straight up as I can (without being too naive of course.) For what it could be I'm not going to complain.
Wow this is going to be one hell of a process.
Appetite returned - which is good. I'm going to hit the shower and crawl in bed. I'm going to throw myself into work. I realized today I don't have to wait until the legal affairs are done to change areas I can change. There's a lot I can do now in my sphere of control. An easy one is to commit to being as productive as I can to work.
Plan for tomorrow:
1. Sober. Duh.
2. Work my ass off.
3. Eat and sleep and rest.
4. If received in mail send in pre-payment requirement to initiate county authorized out patient treatment program.
5. Figure out my next AA meeting.
B
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by warrens
"As for the past - screw it. Turn your back on it and move forward."
So, I think you may need to learn from the past, but not dwell there. If one is to be liberated, we must know "from what?" And, I assure you it's not merely from alcohol.
“The alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.” –Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 62.
A piece of Buddha advice from my sponsor (who is in no way Buddhist): "We cannot think our way into a new way of living; we must live our way into a new way of thinking." Meditate on that for a while. Let it enter your head and run around for a bit. That and the Serenity Prayer can give you safe harbor in rough seas that lay ahead.
I suggest you seize this opportunity to transform your life. You have the opportunity to become very intimate with life. It will take some years of discipline and hard work, but the payoff will be immeasurable by any metric.
You're on a cocaine-like high right now. I can feel your energy. It's like that. "If I do this, and this, and this..." That's how I was in the weeks following my crash, burn, and bottom. So much to do...
But, then comes the aftershock. Another crash. And we are left to ourself.
If you think AA is right for you, get a sponsor, even a temporary one. It's like a marriage, so you may have to go through a few. And know that each AA group is different. Some are dysfunctional, some are not my cup of tea. But, I learn from each, even if I learn how I do not wish to be.
Wally was a legendary Harley riding, silver bearded, wisp of a man, who was legendary in north Idaho AA. His mantra? "This **** works!" It does if you leave your ego at the door.
joy,
warren
So, I think you may need to learn from the past, but not dwell there. If one is to be liberated, we must know "from what?" And, I assure you it's not merely from alcohol.
“The alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.” –Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 62.
A piece of Buddha advice from my sponsor (who is in no way Buddhist): "We cannot think our way into a new way of living; we must live our way into a new way of thinking." Meditate on that for a while. Let it enter your head and run around for a bit. That and the Serenity Prayer can give you safe harbor in rough seas that lay ahead.
I suggest you seize this opportunity to transform your life. You have the opportunity to become very intimate with life. It will take some years of discipline and hard work, but the payoff will be immeasurable by any metric.
You're on a cocaine-like high right now. I can feel your energy. It's like that. "If I do this, and this, and this..." That's how I was in the weeks following my crash, burn, and bottom. So much to do...
But, then comes the aftershock. Another crash. And we are left to ourself.
If you think AA is right for you, get a sponsor, even a temporary one. It's like a marriage, so you may have to go through a few. And know that each AA group is different. Some are dysfunctional, some are not my cup of tea. But, I learn from each, even if I learn how I do not wish to be.
Wally was a legendary Harley riding, silver bearded, wisp of a man, who was legendary in north Idaho AA. His mantra? "This **** works!" It does if you leave your ego at the door.
joy,
warren
Yes, been looking into ACT therapy - acting our way out of our involuntary thoughts. At least conceptually I'm now aware that I can't suppress my thinking patterns with thinking patterns. I'll have to act my way into a new way of thinking. As for practicing - to be honest I don't know my butt from a hole in the ground... yet.
And yes, the buzz I'm on from the suddenness and severity of things - the high. Probably what I'm most concerned about. Well aware there's a day coming that the adrenaline from Friday is going to wear off. That's when it all gets real. All I can think of to do is try to use the adrenaline now to prepare for that as much as I can. When I hit it I'll have to deal with it.
To be honest, I don't have a lot of credibilty with myself right now. I ramble like mad in here just to get the thoughts out but I'm very suspect of making proclamations and what not. I'm at least conscious that I have to DO to make any of it real.
Time will tell.
And yes, I found a great AA video on youtube last night called "back to basics." I'll spare you the details but the gist a leader in the AA community coaching other facilitators about staying true to the core of the program - the big book. That all the stuff on the periphery is great, but it isn't what saves people. Was good timing for me to hear. I need to find a sponsor. I have someone in mind from the meeting Tuesday that I may ask.
I'm committing to the 12 steps. Have started admitting and examining the fact that I am powerless over alcohol. I made sure to get a big book at the meeting Tuesday and am looking forward to starting to explore it.
Thanks mate.
B
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Well duh. A couple ideas just struck me of simple things - actions - I can start trying to habitualize that may help me change. These are things I can start doing now:
1. Check the mail everyday. Throw away the junk, open the not junk.
2. Keep the house clean.
3. Clean & press my laundry every Sunday.
4. Keep a budget, update & review it routinely.
Have to admit I'm a bit embarrassed I haven't stayed on top of such simple stuff. O well. No time like the present.
B
1. Check the mail everyday. Throw away the junk, open the not junk.
2. Keep the house clean.
3. Clean & press my laundry every Sunday.
4. Keep a budget, update & review it routinely.
Have to admit I'm a bit embarrassed I haven't stayed on top of such simple stuff. O well. No time like the present.
B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
"And yes, the buzz I'm on from the suddenness and severity of things - the high. Well aware there's a day coming that the adrenaline from Friday is going to wear off. That's when it all gets real. All I can think of to do is try to use the adrenaline now to prepare for that as much as I can. When I hit it I'll have to deal with it."
That's what the Steps, a sponsor, and the Fellowship of AA (meetings) are all about. Most of us cannot do this alone. Remember that. Toxic masculinity is your worst enemy right now. Women are so much better at asking for and accepting help, admitting vulnerability, and talking about feelings.
When I started, I heard about "90 meetings in 90 days." I bristled. Didn't want to be TOLD what to do. Hah! by the end of 90 days I figured I'd gone to 120 meetings. It FELT right and my heart told me it was where it was safe for me to be.
After nearly 6 years (will be in a couple weeks), I still go to 1-3 meetings/week, even when traveling far from home (as I am now). My sobriety isn't dependent upon meetings, but it keeps me humble, keeps me connected. My ego tells me that I don't need meetings, that I'm not like "them." Awareness tells me that is PRECISELY why I need to be there and to be available to the alcoholic who still suffers.
Knowing there was a meeting every day kept me focused, kept that AV at bay, and with the knowledge that I was neither different from the homeless guy or the CEO who show up at the same meeting.
**there are various places that you can listen to AA speakers on the web, YouTube, etc. A very good site is:
https://https://www.xa-speakers.org/...=category&id=1
Hope I did that right...
Joy,
warren
That's what the Steps, a sponsor, and the Fellowship of AA (meetings) are all about. Most of us cannot do this alone. Remember that. Toxic masculinity is your worst enemy right now. Women are so much better at asking for and accepting help, admitting vulnerability, and talking about feelings.
When I started, I heard about "90 meetings in 90 days." I bristled. Didn't want to be TOLD what to do. Hah! by the end of 90 days I figured I'd gone to 120 meetings. It FELT right and my heart told me it was where it was safe for me to be.
After nearly 6 years (will be in a couple weeks), I still go to 1-3 meetings/week, even when traveling far from home (as I am now). My sobriety isn't dependent upon meetings, but it keeps me humble, keeps me connected. My ego tells me that I don't need meetings, that I'm not like "them." Awareness tells me that is PRECISELY why I need to be there and to be available to the alcoholic who still suffers.
Knowing there was a meeting every day kept me focused, kept that AV at bay, and with the knowledge that I was neither different from the homeless guy or the CEO who show up at the same meeting.
**there are various places that you can listen to AA speakers on the web, YouTube, etc. A very good site is:
https://https://www.xa-speakers.org/...=category&id=1
Hope I did that right...
Joy,
warren
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by warrens
it keeps me humble, keeps me connected. My ego tells me that I don't need meetings, that I'm not like "them." Awareness tells me that is PRECISELY why I need to be there and to be available to the alcoholic who still suffers.
Knowing there was a meeting every day kept me focused, kept that AV at bay, and with the knowledge that I was neither different from the homeless guy or the CEO who show up at the same meeting.
**there are various places that you can listen to AA speakers on the web, YouTube, etc. A very good site is:
Joy,
warren
Great perspective on the AA meeting thing. I think I can use that to help with the ego bit. The procrastination thing - and I definitely feel it nipping at the edges of me - is something I just need to continuously stay aware of.
Thank you for the link.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Day 5.
Woke early. Minor night sweats. Stiffness in ribs seems to be improving. I realized yesterday when I got in the truck that the stiffness in my ribs was exactly where the seatbelt strap lays. Makes sense, and solves the question of whether or not I had my seatbelt on.
Was tired when I woke. I'm guessing it was 6 hours of sleep. But this time it felt like deep sleep.
Judging by the fact that I didn't wake up with bone crushing anxiety and a major pit in my stomach I sit here surprised that the descent from the adrenaline buzz I've been on may be here. Odd, as recently as last night I guess I'd envisioned it would be much later in the process. Wrong. Very wrong.
Two days of work left this week. Pretty basic stuff for today and tomorrow - stay sober, work with integrity and humility, sleep. Saturday is an important day - need to get the house cleaned up so I have a clutter-free platform to live and prepare from. Also need to get the new wheels ready to have towed Monday.
However long that takes Saturday - I suspect about 1/2 the day. The rest of the weekend is mine. I need some time to decompress, relax, rest and recharge the batteries. Need to get some better nutrition in me - might hit grocery store later today latest tomorrow.
Need to get to an AA meeting.
That's pretty much where it's at. Next big hurdles:
1. Get car up and running.
2. Forecast timeline and finances. Make sure I have clarity on what I need to have done by when.
3. Initial suspended license hits around April 3rd - need to be ready to transition to occupational.
4. House on market in 45-60 days.
I am so grateful to have time to prepare.
Today's a great day to be and stay sober.
Woke early. Minor night sweats. Stiffness in ribs seems to be improving. I realized yesterday when I got in the truck that the stiffness in my ribs was exactly where the seatbelt strap lays. Makes sense, and solves the question of whether or not I had my seatbelt on.
Was tired when I woke. I'm guessing it was 6 hours of sleep. But this time it felt like deep sleep.
Judging by the fact that I didn't wake up with bone crushing anxiety and a major pit in my stomach I sit here surprised that the descent from the adrenaline buzz I've been on may be here. Odd, as recently as last night I guess I'd envisioned it would be much later in the process. Wrong. Very wrong.
Two days of work left this week. Pretty basic stuff for today and tomorrow - stay sober, work with integrity and humility, sleep. Saturday is an important day - need to get the house cleaned up so I have a clutter-free platform to live and prepare from. Also need to get the new wheels ready to have towed Monday.
However long that takes Saturday - I suspect about 1/2 the day. The rest of the weekend is mine. I need some time to decompress, relax, rest and recharge the batteries. Need to get some better nutrition in me - might hit grocery store later today latest tomorrow.
Need to get to an AA meeting.
That's pretty much where it's at. Next big hurdles:
1. Get car up and running.
2. Forecast timeline and finances. Make sure I have clarity on what I need to have done by when.
3. Initial suspended license hits around April 3rd - need to be ready to transition to occupational.
4. House on market in 45-60 days.
I am so grateful to have time to prepare.
Today's a great day to be and stay sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
5 days officially in the books. Woohoo!
So, the adrenaline rush I've been on is definitely over. I am whooped. Have been since I woke up.
Afternoon was a bit blah. Just kinda felt low in general. Not extreme, very dull. It's to be expected. And I'm tired. So I'm not reading much into it.
I'd intended to do an AA meeting this evening but I don't have it in me to walk up the street. So I'll hit the Saturday morning meeting. Not worried about procrastination on this - heh, it's been a very busy few days and - with the help of my inner circle - I've been able to get a lot done. So yea, I'm giving myself a break on this.
Resisted the urge to blow off some things at work today that in the past I would have definitely blown off. Glad for that. It's part of the acting my way into new thoughts thing (o, by the way, I checked the mail..you know... one of those simple daily routines an alcoholic like me tends to neglect.) Got to a point with one thing in particular that I had to say to myself - doesn't matter if you want to, just do it.
All things considered I feel good. Every now and then I find myself wishing it hadn't taken something like Friday to get me here. But everytime I go down the road of wishing Friday hadn't happened it's only a brief moment before I recognize that if it hadn't happened I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be committed to my sobriety. And I'd only be delaying the inevitable.
Something had to give and it did. I've got a butt kicking coming as a result but I'll get through it. Thank God no one got hurt.
Definitely had some AV moments this afternoon. It was trying sentimental and self pity as tactics. Flashes or episodes playing in my mind of being in a bar followed by feelings like I'm losing out on something. WTF. Unreal. It doesn't take very long for me to call b.s. on it.
I've not received any of the mail that I've been expecting - neither the treatment pre-payment form nor the results from or confirmation that I refused the chem test. Not sure I'm entitled to the latter. Seems odd. So I'm kinda drifting wondering if maybe they aren't going to charge me formally with the refusal. I don't let myself hope for that for very long though. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
What's been refreshing about work is the realization that most people that know me understand I made a mistake and aren't judging me. Any that do were probably looking for a reason anyway.
Plan for tomorrow - sober, groceries for the weekend, work.
Saturday - AA meeting, clean house thoroughly, begin downsizing and simplifying. I'm looking forward to it. I think my new motto is "simplify." Everytime I think about the opportunity I have to simplify right now I experience a great amount of relief.
I'm so grateful for a warm, quiet home to rest in.
So, the adrenaline rush I've been on is definitely over. I am whooped. Have been since I woke up.
Afternoon was a bit blah. Just kinda felt low in general. Not extreme, very dull. It's to be expected. And I'm tired. So I'm not reading much into it.
I'd intended to do an AA meeting this evening but I don't have it in me to walk up the street. So I'll hit the Saturday morning meeting. Not worried about procrastination on this - heh, it's been a very busy few days and - with the help of my inner circle - I've been able to get a lot done. So yea, I'm giving myself a break on this.
Resisted the urge to blow off some things at work today that in the past I would have definitely blown off. Glad for that. It's part of the acting my way into new thoughts thing (o, by the way, I checked the mail..you know... one of those simple daily routines an alcoholic like me tends to neglect.) Got to a point with one thing in particular that I had to say to myself - doesn't matter if you want to, just do it.
All things considered I feel good. Every now and then I find myself wishing it hadn't taken something like Friday to get me here. But everytime I go down the road of wishing Friday hadn't happened it's only a brief moment before I recognize that if it hadn't happened I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be committed to my sobriety. And I'd only be delaying the inevitable.
Something had to give and it did. I've got a butt kicking coming as a result but I'll get through it. Thank God no one got hurt.
Definitely had some AV moments this afternoon. It was trying sentimental and self pity as tactics. Flashes or episodes playing in my mind of being in a bar followed by feelings like I'm losing out on something. WTF. Unreal. It doesn't take very long for me to call b.s. on it.
I've not received any of the mail that I've been expecting - neither the treatment pre-payment form nor the results from or confirmation that I refused the chem test. Not sure I'm entitled to the latter. Seems odd. So I'm kinda drifting wondering if maybe they aren't going to charge me formally with the refusal. I don't let myself hope for that for very long though. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
What's been refreshing about work is the realization that most people that know me understand I made a mistake and aren't judging me. Any that do were probably looking for a reason anyway.
Plan for tomorrow - sober, groceries for the weekend, work.
Saturday - AA meeting, clean house thoroughly, begin downsizing and simplifying. I'm looking forward to it. I think my new motto is "simplify." Everytime I think about the opportunity I have to simplify right now I experience a great amount of relief.
I'm so grateful for a warm, quiet home to rest in.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
In 1 1/2 hours I'll have 6 days of sobriety.
Let me start by saying there will not be a day that goes by that I will not be grateful that my irresponsibility did not harm anyone.
I left out one memory from Friday when I was recounting in an earlier post. It's one of seeing the pole before impact. These images in my head will be with me forever and I hope they serve my as reminders of what's at stake.
I am leaving town on a consulting gig at the end of next week, and I picked up some more work for later in March on the west coast. I know there will be challenges to my sobriety on these trips. They are usually trips filled with hard work and - in the past - hard play. The end of this week will be by far my hardest test.
Just this morning I guess more of the shock wore off and as I drove to work I had a feeling in me I can not describe as the reality of how close I came to hurting someone or myself sunk further in.
There's nothing I can do about the past except learn from it and use it to fuel my present and my future. I will not beat myself up because I do not see the point in that. But I also will not take what happened lightly and I will own everything that happens as a result.
I am home now from work for the weekend. It is a beautiful day out. I drove home with the window down and the radio off and drank in the fresh air and clear sky. I am so grateful to be able to experience it and to return to a home that provides so much safety and comfort.
I am tired to the bone. I thought I would sleep like a rock last night but didn't. More night sweats - though they were milder than earlier in the week - but also the rib pain kept me tossing and turning. It's better but there is still an area or two that deliver sharp reminders of unpleasant things.
I stopped at a grocery store on the way home and bought groceries for the weekend (taco feast inbound) and some supplies for cleaning. Tomorrow I will wake up and enjoy the stillness of the morning before starting the work that will lead to me putting my house on the market so that I can move closer to work in preparation for the consequences ahead. I am grateful for the opportunity to do so.
I made a call today to have the new used wheels towed to the mechanic I use so that he can inspect and give me an estimate for getting it up and running. I'll be meeting the tow truck driver at my house Monday evening. I am shooting for the week after next to have it up and running.
Once the house and car are squared away it's a waiting game.
I am going to enjoy the rest of the afternoon doing a few hobbies that I like to do. It feels good to be able to focus on something else for a bit.
I was reflecting a bit earlier about how thankful I am to have found SR. I do not know how I could have sustained myself in those first few days after last Friday without it. The ability to vent in wall of text after wall of text what I was experiencing and thinking and the amazing support I've received here - I don't have the words.
It's a good day to not drink.
-B
Let me start by saying there will not be a day that goes by that I will not be grateful that my irresponsibility did not harm anyone.
I left out one memory from Friday when I was recounting in an earlier post. It's one of seeing the pole before impact. These images in my head will be with me forever and I hope they serve my as reminders of what's at stake.
I am leaving town on a consulting gig at the end of next week, and I picked up some more work for later in March on the west coast. I know there will be challenges to my sobriety on these trips. They are usually trips filled with hard work and - in the past - hard play. The end of this week will be by far my hardest test.
Just this morning I guess more of the shock wore off and as I drove to work I had a feeling in me I can not describe as the reality of how close I came to hurting someone or myself sunk further in.
There's nothing I can do about the past except learn from it and use it to fuel my present and my future. I will not beat myself up because I do not see the point in that. But I also will not take what happened lightly and I will own everything that happens as a result.
I am home now from work for the weekend. It is a beautiful day out. I drove home with the window down and the radio off and drank in the fresh air and clear sky. I am so grateful to be able to experience it and to return to a home that provides so much safety and comfort.
I am tired to the bone. I thought I would sleep like a rock last night but didn't. More night sweats - though they were milder than earlier in the week - but also the rib pain kept me tossing and turning. It's better but there is still an area or two that deliver sharp reminders of unpleasant things.
I stopped at a grocery store on the way home and bought groceries for the weekend (taco feast inbound) and some supplies for cleaning. Tomorrow I will wake up and enjoy the stillness of the morning before starting the work that will lead to me putting my house on the market so that I can move closer to work in preparation for the consequences ahead. I am grateful for the opportunity to do so.
I made a call today to have the new used wheels towed to the mechanic I use so that he can inspect and give me an estimate for getting it up and running. I'll be meeting the tow truck driver at my house Monday evening. I am shooting for the week after next to have it up and running.
Once the house and car are squared away it's a waiting game.
I am going to enjoy the rest of the afternoon doing a few hobbies that I like to do. It feels good to be able to focus on something else for a bit.
I was reflecting a bit earlier about how thankful I am to have found SR. I do not know how I could have sustained myself in those first few days after last Friday without it. The ability to vent in wall of text after wall of text what I was experiencing and thinking and the amazing support I've received here - I don't have the words.
It's a good day to not drink.
-B
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Buckley3
In 1 1/2 hours I'll have 6 days of sobriety.
Let me start by saying there will not be a day that goes by that I will not be grateful that my irresponsibility did not harm anyone.
I left out one memory from Friday when I was recounting in an earlier post. It's one of seeing the pole before impact. These images in my head will be with me forever and I hope they serve my as reminders of what's at stake.
I am leaving town on a consulting gig at the end of next week, and I picked up some more work for later in March on the west coast. I know there will be challenges to my sobriety on these trips. They are usually trips filled with hard work and - in the past - hard play. The end of this week will be by far my hardest test.
Just this morning I guess more of the shock wore off and as I drove to work I had a feeling in me I can not describe as the reality of how close I came to hurting someone or myself sunk further in.
There's nothing I can do about the past except learn from it and use it to fuel my present and my future. I will not beat myself up because I do not see the point in that. But I also will not take what happened lightly and I will own everything that happens as a result.
I am home now from work for the weekend. It is a beautiful day out. I drove home with the window down and the radio off and drank in the fresh air and clear sky. I am so grateful to be able to experience it and to return to a home that provides so much safety and comfort.
I am tired to the bone. I thought I would sleep like a rock last night but didn't. More night sweats - though they were milder than earlier in the week - but also the rib pain kept me tossing and turning. It's better but there is still an area or two that deliver sharp reminders of unpleasant things.
I stopped at a grocery store on the way home and bought groceries for the weekend (taco feast inbound) and some supplies for cleaning. Tomorrow I will wake up and enjoy the stillness of the morning before starting the work that will lead to me putting my house on the market so that I can move closer to work in preparation for the consequences ahead. I am grateful for the opportunity to do so.
I made a call today to have the new used wheels towed to the mechanic I use so that he can inspect and give me an estimate for getting it up and running. I'll be meeting the tow truck driver at my house Monday evening. I am shooting for the week after next to have it up and running.
Once the house and car are squared away it's a waiting game.
I am going to enjoy the rest of the afternoon doing a few hobbies that I like to do. It feels good to be able to focus on something else for a bit.
I was reflecting a bit earlier about how thankful I am to have found SR. I do not know how I could have sustained myself in those first few days after last Friday without it. The ability to vent in wall of text after wall of text what I was experiencing and thinking and the amazing support I've received here - I don't have the words.
It's a good day to not drink.
-B
Let me start by saying there will not be a day that goes by that I will not be grateful that my irresponsibility did not harm anyone.
I left out one memory from Friday when I was recounting in an earlier post. It's one of seeing the pole before impact. These images in my head will be with me forever and I hope they serve my as reminders of what's at stake.
I am leaving town on a consulting gig at the end of next week, and I picked up some more work for later in March on the west coast. I know there will be challenges to my sobriety on these trips. They are usually trips filled with hard work and - in the past - hard play. The end of this week will be by far my hardest test.
Just this morning I guess more of the shock wore off and as I drove to work I had a feeling in me I can not describe as the reality of how close I came to hurting someone or myself sunk further in.
There's nothing I can do about the past except learn from it and use it to fuel my present and my future. I will not beat myself up because I do not see the point in that. But I also will not take what happened lightly and I will own everything that happens as a result.
I am home now from work for the weekend. It is a beautiful day out. I drove home with the window down and the radio off and drank in the fresh air and clear sky. I am so grateful to be able to experience it and to return to a home that provides so much safety and comfort.
I am tired to the bone. I thought I would sleep like a rock last night but didn't. More night sweats - though they were milder than earlier in the week - but also the rib pain kept me tossing and turning. It's better but there is still an area or two that deliver sharp reminders of unpleasant things.
I stopped at a grocery store on the way home and bought groceries for the weekend (taco feast inbound) and some supplies for cleaning. Tomorrow I will wake up and enjoy the stillness of the morning before starting the work that will lead to me putting my house on the market so that I can move closer to work in preparation for the consequences ahead. I am grateful for the opportunity to do so.
I made a call today to have the new used wheels towed to the mechanic I use so that he can inspect and give me an estimate for getting it up and running. I'll be meeting the tow truck driver at my house Monday evening. I am shooting for the week after next to have it up and running.
Once the house and car are squared away it's a waiting game.
I am going to enjoy the rest of the afternoon doing a few hobbies that I like to do. It feels good to be able to focus on something else for a bit.
I was reflecting a bit earlier about how thankful I am to have found SR. I do not know how I could have sustained myself in those first few days after last Friday without it. The ability to vent in wall of text after wall of text what I was experiencing and thinking and the amazing support I've received here - I don't have the words.
It's a good day to not drink.
-B
I am in a similar situation as you, trying to stay sober. I've got about 6 weeks clean... i to go on a lot of work trips, in which historically we work hard and play hard.. these trips usually consists of a lot of drinking and nonsense... I have a work trip to the Bahammas in early April, and one to Seattle in late April. I'm hoping to have the strength to stay sober during these trips..
Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by Buckley3
Thanks to all of you for checking in.
Yes. I'm resolved and strong. Two weeks. And two weeks closer to getting through the immediate issues.
-B
Yes. I'm resolved and strong. Two weeks. And two weeks closer to getting through the immediate issues.
-B
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