3rd OWI - Life Changer
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 274
Buckley
I don't know when my court date is. It was moved around. I had a court appointed lawyer that turned out to fresh out of law school. Then I got a friend but he was busted for giving a suboxone strip to an inmate at the courthouse. I never knew that about him. Good grief kiddo, survive the jail if you must, but tell them you are healthy because otherwise they will toss you into detox with no meds. Pretend you are sane.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
That sense of relief you feel. It's genuine. The end of a freefall. You have found the bottom. Only one direction to go from there.
The good news is that you aren't unique. I'm like you and I've known hundreds and hundreds like you in my years in recovery. Know what? Many of us use our experience to create amazing and productive lives.
While I wouldn't have chosen alcoholism or the ravages it exacted, there is no doubt that rising from the ashes has given me gifts that I would not have if not for the experience.
We are the result of every experience and every choice we made in life. We get a clean slate every day. The most important lesson that AA has taught me is the cumulative effect of many, many, many tiny steps. Yes, you will have some consequences for sure, but they could have been quadroplegia or living with the knowledge that you killed a family.
If you decide that from this day forward, you live in total honesty, I mean TOTAL honesty, to self and others, you will begin to appreciate life in a very new way.
Go in peace...
Warren
The good news is that you aren't unique. I'm like you and I've known hundreds and hundreds like you in my years in recovery. Know what? Many of us use our experience to create amazing and productive lives.
While I wouldn't have chosen alcoholism or the ravages it exacted, there is no doubt that rising from the ashes has given me gifts that I would not have if not for the experience.
We are the result of every experience and every choice we made in life. We get a clean slate every day. The most important lesson that AA has taught me is the cumulative effect of many, many, many tiny steps. Yes, you will have some consequences for sure, but they could have been quadroplegia or living with the knowledge that you killed a family.
If you decide that from this day forward, you live in total honesty, I mean TOTAL honesty, to self and others, you will begin to appreciate life in a very new way.
Go in peace...
Warren
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by icewater1961 
And really, lots of hugs and prayers coming your way. As Yogi Bear said, it will all be good in the end. If it is not good, it is not the end (yet).
In other news - some raging anxiety going on. I'm really starting to come out of shock and numbness and starting to feel things. I'm not a very patient person by nature. And I'm king procrastinator. So the pressure of thinking about what I've got to get done and the significant obstacles to some of that have me overwhelmed as hell.
Just gotta keep reminding myself that I can only control what I can control. I've started a simple plan, here it is:
1. Absolute sobriety.
2. In addition to #1 do 2 things a day - regardless of how I'm feeling - that will move things forward.
3. Ride everything else out and remind myself that I can't really control it all.
Plan for tomorrow:
1. Find an attorney and get some consultation.
2. Write an email to my boss letting him know I'll be out of the office for a couple or three days.
This morning I was of the mindset that I needed to dump all the details out to my boss. But as the day progressed it dawned on me that I need get an attorney and start forming an understanding of what this road is going to look like.
The two most advantageous things that can happen - that can provide the most flexibility for my situation - would be 1.) a delay of any sort with the March 22nd court date and 2.) a successful petition to keep my driving privileges for until the court date instead of the 10 day notice I'm about to receive.
Buying myself even a few weeks at this point could let me work a few more weeks and collect on some of the fees that are outstanding. That could mean 6k-10k which would make me feel a whole lot better about my situation (even though I know the costs of this are going to be more than that.)
If the attorney thinks there's a good chance that can happen I think I have an option to get some wheels on the road to just let me work for a couple of weeks or so.
Otherwise things are so tight right now that it just doesn't make sense to me to get a car going if I'm just going to turn around and go to jail for an extended period of time (months) in 3 weeks. If that's the more likely scenario then I'm better off conserving everything I have. I'm going to need it.
The other thing kicking my ass is that if I do go away for months - what is going to happen to my house? I have no idea how I can get it sold and/or go through a bankruptcy proceeding with no money and being locked up.
Guess I can't really control that right now.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Not looking for pity - just need to vent.
This is what a 3rd OWI looks like.
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Originally Posted by warrens
That sense of relief you feel. It's genuine. The end of a freefall. You have found the bottom. Only one direction to go from there.
The good news is that you aren't unique. I'm like you and I've known hundreds and hundreds like you in my years in recovery. Know what? Many of us use our experience to create amazing and productive lives.
While I wouldn't have chosen alcoholism or the ravages it exacted, there is no doubt that rising from the ashes has given me gifts that I would not have if not for the experience.
We are the result of every experience and every choice we made in life. We get a clean slate every day. The most important lesson that AA has taught me is the cumulative effect of many, many, many tiny steps. Yes, you will have some consequences for sure, but they could have been quadroplegia or living with the knowledge that you killed a family.
If you decide that from this day forward, you live in total honesty, I mean TOTAL honesty, to self and others, you will begin to appreciate life in a very new way.
Go in peace...
Warren
The good news is that you aren't unique. I'm like you and I've known hundreds and hundreds like you in my years in recovery. Know what? Many of us use our experience to create amazing and productive lives.
While I wouldn't have chosen alcoholism or the ravages it exacted, there is no doubt that rising from the ashes has given me gifts that I would not have if not for the experience.
We are the result of every experience and every choice we made in life. We get a clean slate every day. The most important lesson that AA has taught me is the cumulative effect of many, many, many tiny steps. Yes, you will have some consequences for sure, but they could have been quadroplegia or living with the knowledge that you killed a family.
If you decide that from this day forward, you live in total honesty, I mean TOTAL honesty, to self and others, you will begin to appreciate life in a very new way.
Go in peace...
Warren
Yes, I do want to live in total honesty. When I think that or even type it I feel relief. If you don't mind or have the time and can share any of your story it would be appreciated - here or pm. If not I understand not a big deal. I'm feeling a need to hear from others that are facing things of a similar scale & circumstance. I guess to not feel so alone in it? Dunno.
Anyway, thanks again.
I've had this voice in my head along with the anxiety that has been suggesting that my real issue right now - the real source of all the chaos - is the accident and the jail time and the money and the lack of a car - not necessarily the booze. Like, it would be easier to just quit drinking if I didn't have all that stuff to deal with. How absurd is that? I mean - it's the same issue.
The truth is if this hadn't happened on Friday I'd still be just plodding long not really forced to deal with the procrastination or lack of energy - the having no clue what I really value in life thing. That same voice then says things like I'm not really going to change. That somehow I'll find a way to rationalize all this and when I get out from the immediate issues I'll just continue to live life without ever really dealing with how lost I've felt.
Enough rambling. Not looking for pity or solutions, just venting. It helps with the obsessing.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
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Yes, that voice. After my 2nd public DUI (I was a school principal in a small town), I stayed sober for a while. Then that voice suggested that perhaps I wasn't an alcoholic, that perhaps I was merely stupid. Perhaps I needed to drink more skillfully. Thus commenced three years of VERY painful "controlled" drinking, and then, the death spiral.
I lost pretty much everything that I valued, including the love of my life. The pain was enormous. But not enough, it seemed. Until I sought help at age 64. Not many recover at that age, I'm told.
In Buddhist tradition (my path of choice), as well as other spiritual paths, "To die before we die" is often suggested as necessary for "enlightenment." It means to die to our identity (ies). The stories that we've crafted about ourselves that are complete bullsh*t... They must all go and it is scary as hell.
I am completely free with my "story," but I'd rather not write novellas.
Know this: That change is possible and change can be complete. The most significant brain research in the past 10-20 years shows that the brain is "plastic." Neuroplasticity is a "thing." We can train our mind to free itself of the delusions we have carefully crafted over the decades.
I know many people who, like myself, have risen from ashes to live lives of utter joy, serenity, and equanimity. It is there should you wish it.
Right now I suggest it is best to quit drinking because you wish to, because it is the most important thing in life right now. I say this because you will likely end up being monitored anyway, and it is easier to do what you want rather than what you are forced to do. It is best to own your recovery.
This disease we have doesn't negotiate. If we try and retain even a little bit of our old self, it will result in continued and utter chaos. I've known eight million people (including myself) who tried to challenge that truth and we all f'ing lost.
Some say surrender simply means joining the winning side. I dunno. I just know that I love peanuts. But, if I suddenly developed a peanut allergy that would kill me if I ate just one, I don't think I'd challenge it. And so, for me, I just can't drink alcohol. I don't even think about it and I'm often with people who drink. The kind of people who drink a glass of wine/month. I know, crazy.
It is what it is. For now... I know this: that within a year or two, that you can look back on this horrific time and, with complete sincerity, realize that it was the best thing that ever happened to you. Yeah, really. Because it caused you to connect with stuff you never knew existed. Except for the pain that I caused others, I wouldn't change things, as it resulted in a life that I never dreamed possible.
Peace,
Warren
I lost pretty much everything that I valued, including the love of my life. The pain was enormous. But not enough, it seemed. Until I sought help at age 64. Not many recover at that age, I'm told.
In Buddhist tradition (my path of choice), as well as other spiritual paths, "To die before we die" is often suggested as necessary for "enlightenment." It means to die to our identity (ies). The stories that we've crafted about ourselves that are complete bullsh*t... They must all go and it is scary as hell.
I am completely free with my "story," but I'd rather not write novellas.
Know this: That change is possible and change can be complete. The most significant brain research in the past 10-20 years shows that the brain is "plastic." Neuroplasticity is a "thing." We can train our mind to free itself of the delusions we have carefully crafted over the decades.
I know many people who, like myself, have risen from ashes to live lives of utter joy, serenity, and equanimity. It is there should you wish it.
Right now I suggest it is best to quit drinking because you wish to, because it is the most important thing in life right now. I say this because you will likely end up being monitored anyway, and it is easier to do what you want rather than what you are forced to do. It is best to own your recovery.
This disease we have doesn't negotiate. If we try and retain even a little bit of our old self, it will result in continued and utter chaos. I've known eight million people (including myself) who tried to challenge that truth and we all f'ing lost.
Some say surrender simply means joining the winning side. I dunno. I just know that I love peanuts. But, if I suddenly developed a peanut allergy that would kill me if I ate just one, I don't think I'd challenge it. And so, for me, I just can't drink alcohol. I don't even think about it and I'm often with people who drink. The kind of people who drink a glass of wine/month. I know, crazy.
It is what it is. For now... I know this: that within a year or two, that you can look back on this horrific time and, with complete sincerity, realize that it was the best thing that ever happened to you. Yeah, really. Because it caused you to connect with stuff you never knew existed. Except for the pain that I caused others, I wouldn't change things, as it resulted in a life that I never dreamed possible.
Peace,
Warren
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Originally Posted by warrens
In Buddhist tradition (my path of choice), as well as other spiritual paths, "To die before we die" is often suggested as necessary for "enlightenment." It means to die to our identity (ies). The stories that we've crafted about ourselves that are complete bullsh*t... They must all go and it is scary as hell.
...
It is what it is. For now... I know this: that within a year or two, that you can look back on this horrific time and, with complete sincerity, realize that it was the best thing that ever happened to you. Yeah, really. Because it caused you to connect with stuff you never knew existed. Except for the pain that I caused others, I wouldn't change things, as it resulted in a life that I never dreamed possible.
Peace,
Warren
So much I could say - so many thoughts. But I'll keep them to myself. Call it part of the process of validating myself rather than constantly looking for the validation of others.
I will say this... I want change. Complete overhaul. As messy as all this is I didn't kill or maim anyone and I didn't kill or maim myself. So no matter what happens in the next few months I have all I need to be able to live a life with some as yet to be defined purpose.
Sobriety is the doorway for that to remain possible. If I choose otherwise I'm simply committing suicide.
Thanks again man. Please do keep in touch when you are able.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Within Buddhism is the parable of the second arrow. It is said the Buddha taught that the first arrow is the one we cannot control, it is the misfortune that befalls us. While painful, it is the second arrow that causes the most damage-the second arrow being our reaction to the first. Here we do have a choice, and we alcoholics are all too familiar with making the wrong one. We drink and the gods of chaos rain down upon us.
It will be important in the months ahead not to react. Create space between action and reaction. Learn to *respond*rather than reacting. Anger and resentment are deadly. Stay in the now, in the real, and not story.
Peace,
Warren
It will be important in the months ahead not to react. Create space between action and reaction. Learn to *respond*rather than reacting. Anger and resentment are deadly. Stay in the now, in the real, and not story.
Peace,
Warren
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Thanks Dee.
Woke up early, drenched in sweat. I managed to get about 6 hours of sleep though. Felt rested but fatigue is setting in again.
Caught myself struggling with the question of how hard I should fight to hang on to my career - if only for a short period of time. Other option that I flip flop on was just admitting to myself that I need/ want complete change and I may as well just give in and let it all go.
A friend on another board helped me by pointing out that right now I shouldn't worry about changing anything not directly related to my sobriety. I think that's good advice so I'm going to take the approach that I need to do whatever at this point to help me navigate the immediate future soberly and as advantageously as possible.
I can't really expect that any type of complete change is a short term thing. And the truth is a lot of these decisions may be out of my control anyway. I'm just kinda wary of letting myself hang onto or slip back into old patterns of thinking that landed me where I am in the first place. Not sure I can control even that right now.
I'll take what I can get for now. And I need to keep practicing letting go of what I can't control. It doesn't come naturally to me.
I have so many thoughts that I'm finding I don't trust. Makes it a bit difficult to really trust my decision making process right now.
Can't wait to talk to an attorney today.
I hope it's not inappropriate that I'm rambling so much and being so transparent about my situation here. I mean, I think that's what it's for right? Is it too much? Argh. Gotta slow my head down, let go, breathe, etc.
Woke up early, drenched in sweat. I managed to get about 6 hours of sleep though. Felt rested but fatigue is setting in again.
Caught myself struggling with the question of how hard I should fight to hang on to my career - if only for a short period of time. Other option that I flip flop on was just admitting to myself that I need/ want complete change and I may as well just give in and let it all go.
A friend on another board helped me by pointing out that right now I shouldn't worry about changing anything not directly related to my sobriety. I think that's good advice so I'm going to take the approach that I need to do whatever at this point to help me navigate the immediate future soberly and as advantageously as possible.
I can't really expect that any type of complete change is a short term thing. And the truth is a lot of these decisions may be out of my control anyway. I'm just kinda wary of letting myself hang onto or slip back into old patterns of thinking that landed me where I am in the first place. Not sure I can control even that right now.
I'll take what I can get for now. And I need to keep practicing letting go of what I can't control. It doesn't come naturally to me.
I have so many thoughts that I'm finding I don't trust. Makes it a bit difficult to really trust my decision making process right now.
Can't wait to talk to an attorney today.
I hope it's not inappropriate that I'm rambling so much and being so transparent about my situation here. I mean, I think that's what it's for right? Is it too much? Argh. Gotta slow my head down, let go, breathe, etc.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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rambling at a time of chaos and uncertainty is totally understandable and is healthy for you.
ramble away!
Just don't drink.
If I were in your shoes, I'd focus all of my being on
1) sobriety
2) dealing with the legal issues of the situation at hand
Everything else will sort itself out.
ramble away!
Just don't drink.
If I were in your shoes, I'd focus all of my being on
1) sobriety
2) dealing with the legal issues of the situation at hand
Everything else will sort itself out.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Regarding your house: If you have a mortgage, can you refinance with a balloon payment due a little after your incarceration (if you have one)? Then with your new job you can refinance again to make monthly payments going forward. Essentially what it does is take the entire balance and make it due in one lump sum at a date in the future. Some banks require the interest to be paid monthly. I'm pretty sure the Bank would not want to do a foreclosure or face a loss and then have that loss on their books. Of course all those refinancing costs and new mortgage costs would likely be tacked on to the principal balance you now owe.
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Originally Posted by Rar
Regarding your house: If you have a mortgage, can you refinance with a balloon payment due a little after your incarceration (if you have one)? Then with your new job you can refinance again to make monthly payments going forward. Essentially what it does is take the entire balance and make it due in one lump sum at a date in the future. Some banks require the interest to be paid monthly. I'm pretty sure the Bank would not want to do a foreclosure or face a loss and then have that loss on their books. Of course all those refinancing costs and new mortgage costs would likely be tacked on to the principal balance you now owe.
I got to thinking a bit more about the job thing. And - duh - a realization dawned on me that no matter how unsatisfied I was in my past career... I need a job. And if I lose my job I'm going to take one anyway. And the chances are it's going to take me awhile before I can really start to rebuild any type of career that provides any type of deeper satisfaction. All jobs can be a pain in the ass so I may as well take the one that gives me the most resources & pays me such that I can get to whereever I'm going the quickest.
Duh. I can be so thick sometimes. I work for some really good people, and I bring a lot of value. Hopefully - after I get a better idea from an attorney what I'm looking at - they'll be willing to give me a leave of absence while I do the time and get an occupational sorted.
It'll be much easier to go through all the consequences of this if I'm at least able to get back anywhere close to where I am income-wise.
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Buckley,
As someone mentioned earlier, do not make any radical changes in your life unless it is directly to affect your sobriety. Your sobriety must be your number one priority... above all else. In the meantime, move forward in life and work hard not to dwell on the unknown future. If/when you are in front of the judge, you will need to face the consequences of your actions... and that is going to be the hardest part. Many people seem to drink/use to avoid the reality of the situation, and when you get sober, you have to deal with that all and then some.
Best wishes...
As someone mentioned earlier, do not make any radical changes in your life unless it is directly to affect your sobriety. Your sobriety must be your number one priority... above all else. In the meantime, move forward in life and work hard not to dwell on the unknown future. If/when you are in front of the judge, you will need to face the consequences of your actions... and that is going to be the hardest part. Many people seem to drink/use to avoid the reality of the situation, and when you get sober, you have to deal with that all and then some.
Best wishes...
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Originally Posted by Spence7471
Buckley,
As someone mentioned earlier, do not make any radical changes in your life unless it is directly to affect your sobriety. Your sobriety must be your number one priority... above all else. In the meantime, move forward in life and work hard not to dwell on the unknown future. If/when you are in front of the judge, you will need to face the consequences of your actions... and that is going to be the hardest part. Many people seem to drink/use to avoid the reality of the situation, and when you get sober, you have to deal with that all and then some.
Best wishes...
As someone mentioned earlier, do not make any radical changes in your life unless it is directly to affect your sobriety. Your sobriety must be your number one priority... above all else. In the meantime, move forward in life and work hard not to dwell on the unknown future. If/when you are in front of the judge, you will need to face the consequences of your actions... and that is going to be the hardest part. Many people seem to drink/use to avoid the reality of the situation, and when you get sober, you have to deal with that all and then some.
Best wishes...
I've now had 2 consultations with attorneys - neither of which I think I can afford. There may be a way for them to have the 1st offense on my record - which occured back in '96 in Virginia, negated due to some technicalities.
I need to go get a phone, I'm going to have to swallow my pride and reach out to people for any help I can get. I can't do this alone.
B
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Things have significantly improved. Still very serious, and I'm still owning all this. But I reached out to the one friend I have earlier and it started a cascade of positive developments that have me overwhelmed with gratitude and emotion.
First, my best friend knows a good attorney. Got me hooked up with him - I've met him before through my friend. He's very skilled, is taking the case, and is giving me a huge discount.
In addition, my best friend is going to pay the immediate fee to get things started until the money I have coming in from consulting fees arrives - which will likely be trickling in over the next month or so.
Second, I spoke with the President of my company today and am completely blown away by their commitment to help me. He told me he had to tell the owner of the company after our initial convo this morning - but that the owner very quickly started trying to think if there were any strings he could pull to help me. (he's a very influential person.) In addition, he offered to get me into a company truck so I can keep working while we figure things out. How amazing. That part isn't a done deal yet - but if it does come through that's huge b/c it provides me a bit of time to deal with the immediate obstacle of not having a car.
Then, I spoke with the insurance adjuster who in the course of our conversation both offered to pick me up and give me a ride to review the wreck and then drop me off at an AA meeting. He said he's 30 years sober, had 5 dui's before he sobered up. And that he's not judging me and is hoping that I see that there are a lot of signs pointing me toward sobriety and that he hopes that I can see them.
Amazing.
I think the strategy that's developing is for me to get my house sold (which I can do now that the timeframe before my conviction happens has been significantly extended), move closer to where I work (currently 1 hour 15 min away), so that when the shoe does drop I'm able to take advantage of work release and possibly electronic monitoring.
It's more than I could have hoped for. And I won't let any of these people down. I'm looking for options to get treatment started asap. I'm committing myself to life long sobriety and change. And I will remember this and what I'm going through and what kind of difference even the little help like getting a ride from the adjuster is bringing so that I can pay it back in turn when it's my time.
Not sure all of the above is going to pan out. But knowing I have people actually doing things - real things - to be in my corner is quite overwhelming.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to skate on my responsibilities or the seriousness of what is still facing me - and it is serious - but compared to the idea of being completely alone - unable to afford an attorney and going to jail for a long time in 3.5 weeks with few options and a bleak employment situation... wow, just wow. I'm so thankful right now.
First, my best friend knows a good attorney. Got me hooked up with him - I've met him before through my friend. He's very skilled, is taking the case, and is giving me a huge discount.
In addition, my best friend is going to pay the immediate fee to get things started until the money I have coming in from consulting fees arrives - which will likely be trickling in over the next month or so.
Second, I spoke with the President of my company today and am completely blown away by their commitment to help me. He told me he had to tell the owner of the company after our initial convo this morning - but that the owner very quickly started trying to think if there were any strings he could pull to help me. (he's a very influential person.) In addition, he offered to get me into a company truck so I can keep working while we figure things out. How amazing. That part isn't a done deal yet - but if it does come through that's huge b/c it provides me a bit of time to deal with the immediate obstacle of not having a car.
Then, I spoke with the insurance adjuster who in the course of our conversation both offered to pick me up and give me a ride to review the wreck and then drop me off at an AA meeting. He said he's 30 years sober, had 5 dui's before he sobered up. And that he's not judging me and is hoping that I see that there are a lot of signs pointing me toward sobriety and that he hopes that I can see them.
Amazing.
I think the strategy that's developing is for me to get my house sold (which I can do now that the timeframe before my conviction happens has been significantly extended), move closer to where I work (currently 1 hour 15 min away), so that when the shoe does drop I'm able to take advantage of work release and possibly electronic monitoring.
It's more than I could have hoped for. And I won't let any of these people down. I'm looking for options to get treatment started asap. I'm committing myself to life long sobriety and change. And I will remember this and what I'm going through and what kind of difference even the little help like getting a ride from the adjuster is bringing so that I can pay it back in turn when it's my time.
Not sure all of the above is going to pan out. But knowing I have people actually doing things - real things - to be in my corner is quite overwhelming.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to skate on my responsibilities or the seriousness of what is still facing me - and it is serious - but compared to the idea of being completely alone - unable to afford an attorney and going to jail for a long time in 3.5 weeks with few options and a bleak employment situation... wow, just wow. I'm so thankful right now.
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Just back from a long walk. Got a new phone. Didn't cost me nearly as much as I thought it was going to. Small win. I'll take all I can get.
And it was 50 degrees out here in Wisconsin, so it actually made the walk quite pleasant.
Today has been an absolute roller coaster. From the despair I felt at facing this alone to the relief I felt by the actions of my friend and boss. Gave me hope. Damn, who knew I'd taken such things for granted to such a degree for so long.
Much of what I've been posting has just been the whirlwind of thoughts scattering around in my head of late. Not even real sure how valid or sensible much of it is. Realized today I'm going to have to keep trying to keep things level. I still have serious stuff ahead and not everything is going to go my way.
Still, just the little bit of breathing room I feel I received today - the two or three small opportunities that arose make me feel like I can at least prepare and make what's ahead significantly more manageable.
I can't lose sight of the fact that there are worse things. That people are struggling with darker demons and harder circumstances. Not that I'm comparing myself or others - more that I need to stay very humble. My self-centeredness is part of the addicted me and I need to stay as aware as I can of what it's up to.
I did have a slight craving. Saw an empty can of beer on my walk - bud light my old go to - and definitely had a slight crave. To the extent I could taste it. It went away quickly. The current circumstances make it easy for now. But it definitely reminded me that the long term thing is my sobriety. Complete sobriety. And achieving peace with and in my sobriety.
I officially have 2 days behind me. What a 2 days it's been. Who knew how much picking up the phone to someone who genuinely cares about you in a healthy way and saying "help" could make a difference.
And it was 50 degrees out here in Wisconsin, so it actually made the walk quite pleasant.
Today has been an absolute roller coaster. From the despair I felt at facing this alone to the relief I felt by the actions of my friend and boss. Gave me hope. Damn, who knew I'd taken such things for granted to such a degree for so long.
Much of what I've been posting has just been the whirlwind of thoughts scattering around in my head of late. Not even real sure how valid or sensible much of it is. Realized today I'm going to have to keep trying to keep things level. I still have serious stuff ahead and not everything is going to go my way.
Still, just the little bit of breathing room I feel I received today - the two or three small opportunities that arose make me feel like I can at least prepare and make what's ahead significantly more manageable.
I can't lose sight of the fact that there are worse things. That people are struggling with darker demons and harder circumstances. Not that I'm comparing myself or others - more that I need to stay very humble. My self-centeredness is part of the addicted me and I need to stay as aware as I can of what it's up to.
I did have a slight craving. Saw an empty can of beer on my walk - bud light my old go to - and definitely had a slight crave. To the extent I could taste it. It went away quickly. The current circumstances make it easy for now. But it definitely reminded me that the long term thing is my sobriety. Complete sobriety. And achieving peace with and in my sobriety.
I officially have 2 days behind me. What a 2 days it's been. Who knew how much picking up the phone to someone who genuinely cares about you in a healthy way and saying "help" could make a difference.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
As Dee liks to say, it will all be ok in the end, not OK, not the end.
Everyone is right -- your drinking days are over. For me, it was emotionally accepting that no matter what, I could never drink again because I was addicted, was the key to open the door to a new life. Never Quit the Decision.
Second, you are being very brave. But please find a way to get a good lawyer and take their advice. But be sure they are good. If you want to run anything by us to see if it makes sense, do it. Often DUI specialists are not that expensive.
Third, what about uber? Anything to keep working as that would help too. Rent a wreck, something to keep the job as least until your court date. Cheap room near work??
Fourth, try and collect as much money as you can (see point three). You will need it.
Usually what a judge would want to see is a total commitment to recovery and proof thereof, gainful employment helps, etc. not that it will get you off, but you need to do it anyway for yourself, so get going.
You got this.
We are here for you.
Everyone is right -- your drinking days are over. For me, it was emotionally accepting that no matter what, I could never drink again because I was addicted, was the key to open the door to a new life. Never Quit the Decision.
Second, you are being very brave. But please find a way to get a good lawyer and take their advice. But be sure they are good. If you want to run anything by us to see if it makes sense, do it. Often DUI specialists are not that expensive.
Third, what about uber? Anything to keep working as that would help too. Rent a wreck, something to keep the job as least until your court date. Cheap room near work??
Fourth, try and collect as much money as you can (see point three). You will need it.
Usually what a judge would want to see is a total commitment to recovery and proof thereof, gainful employment helps, etc. not that it will get you off, but you need to do it anyway for yourself, so get going.
You got this.
We are here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by Dropsie
As Dee liks to say, it will all be ok in the end, not OK, not the end.
Everyone is right -- your drinking days are over. For me, it was emotionally accepting that no matter what, I could never drink again because I was addicted, was the key to open the door to a new life. Never Quit the Decision.
Second, you are being very brave. But please find a way to get a good lawyer and take their advice. But be sure they are good. If you want to run anything by us to see if it makes sense, do it. Often DUI specialists are not that expensive.
Third, what about uber? Anything to keep working as that would help too. Rent a wreck, something to keep the job as least until your court date. Cheap room near work??
Fourth, try and collect as much money as you can (see point three). You will need it.
Usually what a judge would want to see is a total commitment to recovery and proof thereof, gainful employment helps, etc. not that it will get you off, but you need to do it anyway for yourself, so get going.
You got this.
We are here for you.
Everyone is right -- your drinking days are over. For me, it was emotionally accepting that no matter what, I could never drink again because I was addicted, was the key to open the door to a new life. Never Quit the Decision.
Second, you are being very brave. But please find a way to get a good lawyer and take their advice. But be sure they are good. If you want to run anything by us to see if it makes sense, do it. Often DUI specialists are not that expensive.
Third, what about uber? Anything to keep working as that would help too. Rent a wreck, something to keep the job as least until your court date. Cheap room near work??
Fourth, try and collect as much money as you can (see point three). You will need it.
Usually what a judge would want to see is a total commitment to recovery and proof thereof, gainful employment helps, etc. not that it will get you off, but you need to do it anyway for yourself, so get going.
You got this.
We are here for you.
Yes, total commitment for sure. I start that process tomorrow. In fact, I started today - requested the insurance information from HR about alcohol treatment (didn't have it at home.) Tomorrow part of my plan is to contact the county and request to have an alcohol assessment done so they can make a recommendation for treatment. I'm also going to hit an AA meeting in the morning.
Of course I'm doing it for the judge. But I am also doing it for me. I've been open with my boss and my friend both and promised them I would get treatment even though I could hear in both their voices that they may still think I'm just saying I'm an alcoholic because of the circumstances. Whatever. I'm not doing it for anyone else (except of course to make damn sure I don't hurt or kill someone.)
When I do manage to get some wheels and enough scratch I plan to proactively have the IID installed too.
I have a lot of confidence in the lawyer my friend hooked me up with. I've met him in the past and respect his intellect and experience.
When I spoke with lawyer #3 today (the first two I clearly couldn't afford) my heart sank to my shoes. Just the negativity in his voice. I left the conversation very much feeling like I was just going to be another commission and that he'd put very little real attempt to help me out there. With the one I have now I know he's going to do all he can. That's all I can ask for.
I'll be having a convo with my attorney tomorrow to get the timeline of what to expect for my driving privileges. Work has offered a company truck until I can get some wheels. In the meantime tomorrow I'll talk with the mechanic I've used to see if there's anything like a high mileage low cost Toyota Corolla or something really reliable like that that I can find. The fact that work is making the offer they are buys me a little time. What's not clear to me is it's possible that the refusal will lead to a suspended license as soon as this coming Monday. If that's the case I'll have to get my SR22 up, get the wheels, and apply for an occupational - which my attorney said I would not have a problem getting. Then, I think the next big thing will be whatever date I end up getting convicted I'll be worst case facing a 45 day wait period to file for occupational again. I think work would either let me take a leave of absence for that time period - or if I can get my house sold and the court lets me move closer they may help me with transportation. Hell, if I get close enough I'll bike it.
If somehow my attorney is able to help me get things moved after the conviction so that I do the time in the county I work in, and he pulls off getting me on an electronic bracelet for serving the time I would be beyond ecstatic. I mean, I know the fines are going to suck and all that jazz but just being able to go to work and go home would be mind-blowingly amazing even if it's for a year or whatever. It's really the best case scenario I'm shooting for right now.
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