I need to end this cycle! How?
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
You joined this forum 7 years ago, but you've been trying to "sober up a few months".
It's your parents' fault.
AA helped in the past, but you're not going.
You're willing to do anything it takes to get sober as long as it doesn't involve going to detox or dumping out your booze.
Did someone mention cliches?
It's your parents' fault.
AA helped in the past, but you're not going.
You're willing to do anything it takes to get sober as long as it doesn't involve going to detox or dumping out your booze.
Did someone mention cliches?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
Pouring out the booze only means I will go buy more. I am an alcoholic. Would a heroin addict flush his drugs down a toilet? I have been to detox twice in the last year. It is not a place to withdraw. A place where communal living with sick people and disease. My last time, the man next to me in a cot had a respiratory condition. Coughing a lung up. Other man had a skin disease where the staff were disgusted because he was literally shedding his skin on the floor.
I have detoxed a few times in a state run facility. And it was very rough. But I had no insurance, no money so this was my option. I had to get to the point where it was either detox or die. I chose detox.
The cots were about 5 ft apart so yeah, no privacy and no protection from germs. I did however get a mask and some rubber gloves because I am a bit of germ freak. But if ya think about it, that was a little crazy. The booze was going to kill me long before a viral infection would. But it made me feel better. What I learned after a few days is that I am no different from the homeless person, just luckier. That if I kept down the path I was on, I'd be the homeless gal coughing up a lung.
I think its lessgravity that has a the line 'no one is coming to save me' at the end of his/her posts. And that sounds kind of sad, but it is the truth. The people that help us again and again eventually have to protect themselves and leave the addict to their own devices. It is soul crushing (not to mention anger inducing) to watch someone they love seemingly purposefully killing themselves.
There really is no choice. Do what you have to do to break the cycle. Then never touch a drink again. It absolutely is doable. Many of us are living proof of that. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Good morning WL,
Happy to see you here posting.....that must mean you do want to get better. I'm replying to your post because I HAVE been in your shoes, many times. I have felt the pain of perceived desertion, loneliness, and wanting to end my life to make it stop. I also didn't want to go to rehab, so I didn't. BUT, I pulled up my boot straps and made the decision to stop at home. I focused only on surviving the first day or two and had a friend staying with me in case I needed additional help. YOU have to go through the hell of withdrawal to get to the other side, whether at home or rehab. Best to do it sooner than later, and be done with it....
You can do this!!! If I can, so can you!!!
Happy to see you here posting.....that must mean you do want to get better. I'm replying to your post because I HAVE been in your shoes, many times. I have felt the pain of perceived desertion, loneliness, and wanting to end my life to make it stop. I also didn't want to go to rehab, so I didn't. BUT, I pulled up my boot straps and made the decision to stop at home. I focused only on surviving the first day or two and had a friend staying with me in case I needed additional help. YOU have to go through the hell of withdrawal to get to the other side, whether at home or rehab. Best to do it sooner than later, and be done with it....
You can do this!!! If I can, so can you!!!
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
When I first got sober, no one wanted anything to do with me anymore. My options then were to stop drinking or die.
I got an old freind to take me to detox. At 21, I'd never been in one before but the desperation to stop drinking overrode my fear.
There were only 2 beds for females in that big old house and I was the only one in there. The rest of the patients were all older men. One day a man had a seizure right in front of me.
In there I was offered an opportunity to go to treatment. There were only 2 options at the time in that city, but they were both free and this was in a small Ontario city --much smaller than Toronto.
I gratefully went and the one I chose was in a psychiatric hospital. I chose it because it was a week longer than the other one. Meals were in the cafeteria and we ate with other patients in the hospital. From there I went on to AA and into sober living. I really resisted going into sober living until it was explained to me how poor my chances of staying sober were if I went back into my old environment. So I did all those things and ended up with long-term sobriety.
The point is, I had to do things well out of my comfort zone to get sober, but it wasn't that hard given my desperation. I had the choice of 2 free treatment centres and that's not including the Salvation Army. AA is always free.
In my experience, anyone who is desperate enough can get sober. Iit might not be the way they would like it to be, but it can be done.
I got an old freind to take me to detox. At 21, I'd never been in one before but the desperation to stop drinking overrode my fear.
There were only 2 beds for females in that big old house and I was the only one in there. The rest of the patients were all older men. One day a man had a seizure right in front of me.
In there I was offered an opportunity to go to treatment. There were only 2 options at the time in that city, but they were both free and this was in a small Ontario city --much smaller than Toronto.
I gratefully went and the one I chose was in a psychiatric hospital. I chose it because it was a week longer than the other one. Meals were in the cafeteria and we ate with other patients in the hospital. From there I went on to AA and into sober living. I really resisted going into sober living until it was explained to me how poor my chances of staying sober were if I went back into my old environment. So I did all those things and ended up with long-term sobriety.
The point is, I had to do things well out of my comfort zone to get sober, but it wasn't that hard given my desperation. I had the choice of 2 free treatment centres and that's not including the Salvation Army. AA is always free.
In my experience, anyone who is desperate enough can get sober. Iit might not be the way they would like it to be, but it can be done.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,427
You aren't a victim, but making a choice to continue your addiction.
It isn't your family's "job" to keep saving you from your own decisions.
As the above posters have noted, we have been there too.
It isn't easy to quit, but it can be done.
I hope you checked into the free place near Toronto mentioned above.
You are a worthy, caring person.
I've seen all the postings you've made in support of others.
Please be that kind to you and reach out to support yourself.
It isn't your family's "job" to keep saving you from your own decisions.
As the above posters have noted, we have been there too.
It isn't easy to quit, but it can be done.
I hope you checked into the free place near Toronto mentioned above.
You are a worthy, caring person.
I've seen all the postings you've made in support of others.
Please be that kind to you and reach out to support yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Wastinglife
Pouring out the booze only means I will go buy more. I am an alcoholic. Would a heroin addict flush his drugs down a toilet?
yup, they would and ive heard a few say that is exactly what they did.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
If I had time I'd find a post from someone who did just that with their heroin WL but I digress....
C'mon stop hiding behind the label, man.
We're all alcoholics/addicts here.
The only difference between me and you is I stopped drinking.
You can let your alcoholism define you, or you can take a stand, make different choices and define yourself any damn way you want.
Its hard work being an alcoholic - buying the stuff drinking the stuff, cleaning up the mess drunk you makes, tending to those unexplained injuries, making excuses for you no shows or your bad work, endlessly hatting yourself but always thinking of the next drink...
Put that hard work into not drinking instead.
It will pay off.
If I can do that - it follows you can too
D
C'mon stop hiding behind the label, man.
We're all alcoholics/addicts here.
The only difference between me and you is I stopped drinking.
You can let your alcoholism define you, or you can take a stand, make different choices and define yourself any damn way you want.
Its hard work being an alcoholic - buying the stuff drinking the stuff, cleaning up the mess drunk you makes, tending to those unexplained injuries, making excuses for you no shows or your bad work, endlessly hatting yourself but always thinking of the next drink...
Put that hard work into not drinking instead.
It will pay off.
If I can do that - it follows you can too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
You are all right. The tail-end of a bender is always a time of self-pity isn't it? All my resentments come out. Tonight I am sober. I think I am finally ready. I am at rock-bottom. Unfortunately, it takes me to hit bottom to really take action.
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