MindfulMan

At 9.5 months sober, I went to visit a friend for the weekend. I said no to a card get-together where there is a lot of cocktails. Hard liquor in someone's home is a HUGE trigger. If I see an open bottle of booze out at a party, I ask the host to put it away or I will leave.

She had an offer for wine tasting on Sunday with friends, and assumed I would say no. I did at first, and then thought about it. I'm a trained sommelier and I did a lot of socializing going to wineries and tasting.

I decided to try it. I would be the designated driver, and I could smell, but not taste.

It was mostly a lot of fun. At the first winery after catching the bouquet I started to take a sip purely out of habit. Once I realized I no longer drink, I was perfectly content to smell. I found I could identify the grape and style and knew what was going to be good, mediocre or downright horrible, which impressed a lot of people! At the last vineyard we got admitted to the private room and had our picnic spread, as it was freezing outside, it even sleeted. They brought tastes for everyone. I suggested they revisit the first pinot noir and several bought some bottles.

I enjoyed smelling, but the idea of actually feeling buzzed was very offputting. I don't crave it at all.

My friend stopped fairly early and hung with me. The other three ladies proceeded to get very sh*tfaced, which was a total turnoff to me. The party apparently continued after we dropped them off. One of the women is definitely an alcoholic, apparently she gets drunk at every social gathering.

I was able to do this and have fun on an activity that I miss that involves wine, finding that smelling was enough to keep me engaged. This isn't something I plan on doing frequently, but it's nice to know that I can still socialize with my wine friends doing something that I'm very good at.

If it ever becomes a problem, I'll leave. If I feel that I'm tempting fate, I will also leave and never do it again.

I'm absolutely not saying that this is something that anyone else should attempt, it just shows that we all have our different triggers. I can't be around a bottle of tequila even once, yet this didn't trigger me. I think it's because I drank wine for pleasure and booze to get drunk; I'd leave a wine party and go home and polish off a half bottle of vodka shots, then pass out. If I wanted to get plastered, I'd start with vodka then switch to wine.

I really seem to be over the drinking, at least for now. I've done 5 kinds of recovery exercises to get me to this point, but I've made the decision that I am no longer a drinker. It's simply off the table. I'm not talking myself into it, it just IS. I credit a lot of hard work and just turning off the habit when a significant amount of time had passed. I didn't dare attempt this until now. Generally when I'm done with something, I'm truly done.

Wondering if anyone else has varied triggers like that, from one extreme to the other.

Pulaski

That's quite impressive but I get what you mean. Not quite the same thing but I was away at the weekend with family (wife's 2 sisters and partners so 6 of us). It's a regular thing we do (we rent a house) but my first since stopping drinking 2 months ago. All the others were drinking quite heavily (as I was the last time we did this) but I still had a great time. I still ate too much, talked bullsh1t, stayed up late and had a good laugh. I drank NA beer; not something that suits all non drinkers but perfect for me on these occasions. I didn't miss drinking real beer because on these occasions I only ever drank it to top up the smuggled in bottle of vodka I'd sneakily drunk.

Like you if anything were going cause me problems it would be finding an unexpected open bottle of vodka but I think I'd be OK..

Dee74

I got to be honest thats not something I'd do, even now.

I winced when I read about you taking sips out of habit. (I presume you spat them out sommelier style but thats not really the point here)

That's a really ginourmous red flag there for me.

It's like smothering yourself in steaks and sitting in the lions cage - you may not get bit, but it's a hell of a chance.

I understand that you feel differently about this but from my experience that AV can be a pleasant and charming persuader when it wants to be.

The old 'it's not your favourite kind of booze' line got me many times. Turns out if I drink enough of it anythings my favourite booze.

Be vigilant.

D

Anna

And, I agree with everything Dee said.

I think my AV would be whispering to me, 'you got through that, let's do it again.' And, maybe next time you would take a sip.

Stayingsassy

I think he started to take a sip, but he didn't. Mindful, I think its great you were able to enjoy that without drinking, and even have an epiphany of sorts about it. I have yet to really socialize....partly because I don't want to, but mostly because I find my friends triggering right now, so good for you because social support is good for us.

Cosima11

I work around alcohol of all types 5 days a week (I know I know, hang around the barber shop long enough.. but this is still how I make a living unfortunately).

Funny how it's not a trigger to be around and serve random people getting wasted, because it's a job. But if I'm in the same environment with friends/people I know who I've drank with in the past it's really difficult.

I get triggered when co workers ask if I wanna go to a different bar after work "just for some food". I have to decline. Seems ridiculous but that's just how it is right now. So I understand what you mean about different situations provoking different reactions..

entropy1964

"It's a sobering reminder that people do die from addiction. I almost don't want to keep in touch with people from inpatient or outpatient rehab because I'm sure there will be more."

First of all I am glad everything went well. Had all that 'wine tasting romance' so well articulated that I used to love when I lived in Cali....before I was an alcoholic.

I can only say that when reading your post, the 'tone' felt different. I don't 'know' you too well but I felt like 'this isn't the part of this poster I'm used to hearing from. So I read some old posts....and for me, something is off. Maybe I'm just paranoid....probably am. But, um, could your AV have had a bit of input in this thread? 9.5 months is awesome.....but it is probably a fraction of the amount of time you drank. I included your own words.....this shlit is deadly for sure.

2ndhandrose

For me, this is way too slippery of a slope.

When I quit drinking, I also quit the whole alcohol industry, the memes, the accoutrements, the lifestyle.

Anything alcohol related, I don't relate to it anymore.

DangerZone

Be very very careful. Don't underestimate the power of alcohol. Downplaying any type of event where we as alcoholics sip a drink is very dangerous. I kind of get the feeling with your post you are trying to justify what you did. You got away with it this time but I wouldn't do it again.

Your disease, addiction, whatever you want to call it is waiting patiently for you to slip up. How long you've been sober doesn't matter I had 10-years and then I started drinking again. It started with one sip of Smirnoff at a party. Next time it was one beer. Then I got trashed at a party and rest is history. So keep in mind it doesn't go right to doing shots. A little slip here, a little slip there and then boom you'll be drinking again in no time.

MindfulMan

Sassy is correct. I reached for the glass out of habit, I did not sip it. Sorry if that was confusing. I really had no desire to actually drink it.

I brought it up as a disclosure thing, and that my reaction was interesting. I don’t think this was my AV stirring up, it really wasn’t there. What would have definitely been a slippery slope in the first 90 days of sobriety just didn’t feel like this,

I almost didn’t post this, but THAT felt odder than the incident itself. Talking about something is the opposite of hiding an addiction in lies.

There is no drinking permitted, not even a sip. If I cross that line I will relapse. I’m fully aware of this.

Tang

I expect most will frown upon your post. Like Superman posting he had a good time at the kryptonite party. I entertain customers for a living, so have had to learn how to be around the stuff.

soberclover

Alcohol certainly does saturate our society in one way or another; some can for the most part walk away and others can't for a whole variety of reasons. All I know is me. I relapsed after 13 years of sobriety because I was sure I could handle it after all that I had learned/acquired. For me, I was wrong. In my case I was seriously wrong as I lost a lot - my marriage, the respect from my son, my car, and I now have memory issues from a brain injury from my last drinking escapade. This is where I ended up; not everyone has this journey for sure. I know for my ongoing sobriety it is best for me to stay away from alcohol whenever possible regardless of how many years of sobriety I have. Being around it just made me too darn comfortable.

Gottalife

Lots of red flags here, it seems to me. The first is the apparent fear of alcohol in certain forms to the extent that you would expect your hosts to change their behavior to address your problem. That never works, and it indicates an alcoholic mind is still active.

In my case my hosts can drink what they like, it has no relevance to me if they drink spirits, or beer. It might as well be petrol as far as I am concerned, and I couldn't drink that.

Missing drinking alcohol because of all the fun you used to have is delusional. A bit like me holding on to the belief for a while in early sobriety that life only happened in a particular bar, and I was missing out if I wasn't there. It took a spritual experience for me to see the truth.

Likewise, glass intentionally in hand, just for a sniff, is milliseconds away from a relapse. The alcoholic mind sometimes forgets why we don't drink, and if it happened to do that at just that moment........

If it becomes a problem, it may be too late.

I do agree that you seem to be over the drinking, at least for now. But if you are still dancing with that gorilla, you may find he has other ideas.

16YearsDrunk

I'd have to nope all over that. As impressive as it sounds it does sound like there's a lot of red flags in your post. I agree with Gottalife.

Stayingsassy

I got the same responses when a friend placed a drink in my hands at a gig. I knew I wouldn't drink it so i wasn't worried.

There's a difference between the one day at a time, i might drink on any given day so I can't be within a five mile radius of alcohol people, and the I know I won't drink no matter what people.

Its why I prefer the latter strategy. Internal vs external focus and control.

biminiblue

I'm curious why you posted this?

So we would atta boy you? Or to prove that you are different than all of us? Or to leave the door open for future "sommelier" events, where you can show off to your friends?

I'm struggling to understand how you feel this would be helpful to newcomers - who are in no condition to be trying this out.

If you keep going to the barber, eventually you'll get a haircut.

Mizzuno

Alcohol is so tricky. A person can swear off the stuff forever and then something can happen that makes us forget why we became sober in the first place? The memories of the blackouts fade, the guilt fades... all of it can fade in to a distant memory and that is where we can fool ourselves. I have been in the "fool" myself one too many times.

Not saying you are doing that, Mindfulman.

There was a level of control over the wine tasting and I am sure it felt empowering for you. It is good to hear you wont be participating in this activity all that much.

I am glad you shared this experience.

tekink

I'm over the drinking, the thought of it makes me feel sick to my stomach. However, I absolutely hate being around drinking. The smell of wine makes me sick.

It might be that I'm forced to be around drinking all the time, I own a wine bar. These days I stay out of the dining area as much as possible but last week I was preparing a braised dish and two wine kegs blew in my face as I was getting the wine. It didn't make me want to drink, it made me nauseous and want a shower more than I could imagine. Beer showers do the same to me and I occasionally get them.

What gets me is even just sitting at a table with friends and realizing that every single person around me has a drink in their hand and I cannot. It makes my head spin and my stress climb.

At this point I don't know how long it will take or if I'll ever feel comfortable in an environment where most everyone is drinking. It really gets me. I'm just over 12 months sober.

DontRemember

I'd have no problem going on a wine tour,but I dislike wine. I don't think I'd go on any brewery tours,because 1) I don't care how it's made or what's in it. 2) I really enjoy the taste of a good beer. 3) I'd probably be very tempted to 'sample' and not even 'enjoy' the day. I do however go to bars from time-time with friends. I've had all that they offer and know the outcome of drinking their drinks and if I forget all I need to do is quickly scan the room for drunken fool(s) for a quick reminder of what drinking 'there' does. Plus, I can leave at any time as I'm not drunk and 9/10 times I drive myself for this reason.

MindfulMan

Interesting responses.

I still consider myself a newcomer, I'm less than 1 year sober. It's also interesting to me how it's evolved over time. I would not have tried this before now, in fact my initial response to the offer was no freakin' way. The fun I had in visiting vineyards was in the socialization and building knowledge. I have a WSET Level 3 wine certification, which was a pretty big deal and took a lot of work to get. Paradoxically, I enjoyed the activity more when I wasn't actually drinking. I was mindful and present instead of gradually getting more and detached, distant, disengaged and loopy. My stomach didn't become increasingly irritated from all of the drinking, I really enjoyed our indoor picnic. It's like going to a concert sober, I thought it might be a big trigger, but found that I enjoyed the music so much more when completely sober. There are many areas of my life that I'm consciously relearning sober, and the only way to learn is to experience.

There are as many paths to and differences in sobriety as there are people getting sober. It's a process of discovering what fits for you. The responses are very varied to suit.

Sobriety is not a one-size-fits-all solution, we can only give our experiences. Where I've ended up is not going to work for some, as what works for others won't work for me. I emphatically do NOT think I can ever "just have one," and the experienced I've gotten from others that is the most useful is how many have gone right back to substance abuse by thinking they can drink or use occasionally or try it to see if its what they remembered. That's a lesson I've gotten loud and clear, and I think it's enabled me to end up where I am, as it's basically ONE rule I have to follow. Don't drink. Don't use. Not once. Not a little bit. Not ever.

It makes it simpler.