chowchow

I keep waiting for this to be easier. I get so fed up with things and I want to drink. It would be so easy to get wine on the way home.

But it is funny how things happen and remind me why I decided I cannot drink:

1) Last night a co-worker called me and it was clear she was very drunk. It was not a pleasant call mostly because she was drunk and slurring her words and it was hard for me to follow. I was 100% sober.

2) Today another co-worker came in to talk and mentioned that she got very drunk with her 30 year old daughter a couple of weeks ago and they had a lot of fun until the next morning when her daughter woke up with an extreme panic and anxiety attack. Nothing apparently happened with my co-worker the next day.

I am taking these (as silly as it may sound) as signs that I need to keep on the path of sobriety even when I want to drink.

I've actually noticed my 12 year old daughter is spending more time with me in the evenings. She used to go to her room and not come out. My husband, well, is my husband. He is not a very nice or patient person but it is easier for me to just avoid him now rather than to get into confrontation (I never really was confrontational but he has always been super critical of me so if I am not around him (because I am drunk and can't go anywhere) I can avoid that. Not a good way to have a marriage but I am doing what I can right now.

I am writing this to also help keep myself accountable and NOT drink today.

Thanks for reading.

2ndhandrose

Hi chowchow

I don't think those are silly signs. Good for you, for using them to remind yourself why you are not going to drink.

My husband drinks daily, and rather than it be a temptation to me, it is a reminder, right there in front of me, of what I DON'T want.

Thanks for posting

lessgravity

I have seen the same reactions from my 11 year old son. Just a level of subconscious comfort he has with me with I'm not drinking. It at first makes me sad to think of all the wasted time, but then gives me such a deep feeling of happiness and strength.

Glad to hear you aren't drinking today. Me either.

16YearsDrunk

Same with my 10 year old son. He seems to want to be around me. When I was drunk and working/gaming (I work from home) I would get snappy and agitated with him so he would avoid me and spend more time with mom. Now I don't drink he sits around me a lot.

For 10 years of his life I have been a person he probably disliked very much. That alone is enough to make me not want to drink.

Anna

I'm glad you're noticing positive things and staying focused.

Danielle423

While it might feel like things are getting easier, your post shows that actually are. Even though you still crave alcohol and want to drink, you are now able to fight that urge and stay sober. That is a HUGE accomplishment and shows how your work is paying off. Also, the fact that your child is spending more time with you shows that you are already seeing some positive results from your sobriety.

It might be frustrating that the positives and progress doesn't occur over night, keep up the great work, and slowly but surely all the positives will continue to grow and grow!

nova84

Good for you chowchow 💜

Hevyn

Chow, Be proud of yourself for being self-aware & getting past the temptations. Life is going to get so much better with a clear head, & eyes wide open.

Maudcat

I think kids are just amazingly forgiving. They just want their parents to show up and be present.
Glad it’s working out.