Day 11 - at the office on a Saturday...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Day 11 - at the office on a Saturday...
but this is the life/job I chose. A few weeks ago I might have stopped by the liquor store on my way in, got a bottle of wine or a pint, and crushed it by noon - justified of course by the fact that I, unlike other people, had to be at the office, working on a brief, getting ready for trial.
Instead I'm here sober as a stone. Stressed about deadlines, wanting to procrastinate, annoyed, sore in my right shoulder, but sober.
No one is coming to save me.
Happy Saturday
Instead I'm here sober as a stone. Stressed about deadlines, wanting to procrastinate, annoyed, sore in my right shoulder, but sober.
No one is coming to save me.
Happy Saturday
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I think you should take some pride in the fact you are working and staying sober. Not to diminish your achievement, but there are 10's of millions of people working today. Its a way of life for many. But I understand where you are coming from. Saturday was drinking time for me. Well, now Saturday is like any other day. I am free to do as I please because I'm not drunk.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
but this is the life/job I chose. A few weeks ago I might have stopped by the liquor store on my way in, got a bottle of wine or a pint, and crushed it by noon - justified of course by the fact that I, unlike other people, had to be at the office, working on a brief, getting ready for trial.
Instead I'm here sober as a stone. Stressed about deadlines, wanting to procrastinate, annoyed, sore in my right shoulder, but sober.
No one is coming to save me.
Happy Saturday
Instead I'm here sober as a stone. Stressed about deadlines, wanting to procrastinate, annoyed, sore in my right shoulder, but sober.
No one is coming to save me.
Happy Saturday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by CRRHCC
So what is different? Why aren't you escaping your feelings with a quick fix or mood changer?
My wife caught me lying. I was losing it at work.
I guess I just know I can't drink right now - have a lot of obligations and life to tend to.
Doesn't currently feel like I have a choice.
Oh and I'm reading 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson which I absolutely love and has straightened my head out as well.
If it was a rhetorical question you were asking, then I'm sorry for the drawn out response!
No one is coming to save us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Mizzuno
LG,
You are an inspiration! Keep up the good work.
It is okay to not like what is happening at the moment. You dont have to like it but you have to do it right now.
(That is what I tell myself when I wash the dishes)
You are an inspiration! Keep up the good work.
It is okay to not like what is happening at the moment. You dont have to like it but you have to do it right now.
(That is what I tell myself when I wash the dishes)
How are you today?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Mizzuno
LG.
I'm really good. Its documentary/ lounge around day.
I hope you didn't have to work all day?
Have a good weekend!
I'm really good. Its documentary/ lounge around day.
I hope you didn't have to work all day?
Have a good weekend!
Taking a break from work till the morning.
Here's to another sober day friend.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by lessgravity
CRR - I can't say for certain. I just got in such a bad way 11 days ago - very bad end to a long bender after weeks and weeks of really hard, daily hidden drinking - I think my body and soul (whatever the f that is) just knew it needed a break.
My wife caught me lying. I was losing it at work.
I guess I just know I can't drink right now - have a lot of obligations and life to tend to.
Doesn't currently feel like I have a choice.
Oh and I'm reading 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson which I absolutely love and has straightened my head out as well.
If it was a rhetorical question you were asking, then I'm sorry for the drawn out response!
No one is coming to save us.
My wife caught me lying. I was losing it at work.
I guess I just know I can't drink right now - have a lot of obligations and life to tend to.
Doesn't currently feel like I have a choice.
Oh and I'm reading 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson which I absolutely love and has straightened my head out as well.
If it was a rhetorical question you were asking, then I'm sorry for the drawn out response!
No one is coming to save us.
My thinking was and I still fight with this: “I should be perfect and perfection is possible; I should be all-powerful controlling myself and others; I should always get what I want and life should be without pain and require little or no effort.” The simple truth is, that life will never be easy, fair and painless. We are never going to always get what we want. The problem is, that the addictive personality believes that life should be easy, fair and painless! When we allow ourselves to think in this, "entitled," fashion, we lower our threshold to adversity, to feeling frustrated, helpless and overwhelmed. If we insist on avoiding emotional pain, on being comfortable all the time, we will seek ways to avoid reality, to escape our negative mood. With respect to addictive thinking, this type of corrupted belief system is the very core of addictive thinking and can lead to a, "Quick fix or mood changer," of drugs and or other errant behaviors, all designed to change the way we feel emotionally.
After years of college, marriage, kids, business success, I thought I had achieved all my goals. I came to learn that in reality, what I had lost was my values and purpose in life. Perhaps, it's time to rethink them.
I am also reading the Peterson 12 rules book. Great video on the author at Prageru.com
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by CRRHCC
Not a rhetorical question at all. You remind me of myself. A functional alcoholic who believes he deserves to get drunk.
My thinking was and I still fight with this: “I should be perfect and perfection is possible; I should be all-powerful controlling myself and others; I should always get what I want and life should be without pain and require little or no effort.” The simple truth is, that life will never be easy, fair and painless. We are never going to always get what we want. The problem is, that the addictive personality believes that life should be easy, fair and painless! When we allow ourselves to think in this, "entitled," fashion, we lower our threshold to adversity, to feeling frustrated, helpless and overwhelmed. If we insist on avoiding emotional pain, on being comfortable all the time, we will seek ways to avoid reality, to escape our negative mood. With respect to addictive thinking, this type of corrupted belief system is the very core of addictive thinking and can lead to a, "Quick fix or mood changer," of drugs and or other errant behaviors, all designed to change the way we feel emotionally.
After years of college, marriage, kids, business success, I thought I had achieved all my goals. I came to learn that in reality, what I had lost was my values and purpose in life. Perhaps, it's time to rethink them.
I am also reading the Peterson 12 rules book. Great video on the author at Prageru.com
My thinking was and I still fight with this: “I should be perfect and perfection is possible; I should be all-powerful controlling myself and others; I should always get what I want and life should be without pain and require little or no effort.” The simple truth is, that life will never be easy, fair and painless. We are never going to always get what we want. The problem is, that the addictive personality believes that life should be easy, fair and painless! When we allow ourselves to think in this, "entitled," fashion, we lower our threshold to adversity, to feeling frustrated, helpless and overwhelmed. If we insist on avoiding emotional pain, on being comfortable all the time, we will seek ways to avoid reality, to escape our negative mood. With respect to addictive thinking, this type of corrupted belief system is the very core of addictive thinking and can lead to a, "Quick fix or mood changer," of drugs and or other errant behaviors, all designed to change the way we feel emotionally.
After years of college, marriage, kids, business success, I thought I had achieved all my goals. I came to learn that in reality, what I had lost was my values and purpose in life. Perhaps, it's time to rethink them.
I am also reading the Peterson 12 rules book. Great video on the author at Prageru.com
I was at a jewish service the other night (wife is jewish) and they were talking about how much of what the Torah speaks about is "obligation". Had me thinking about how, although I have a family and a career and all the veneer of a, even mildly, successful life - I am not living (at all) in accord with an inner sense of responsibility.
A pint of vodka at 10am instead of heading to a deposition, being too hungover to get my boy to the basketball court on a Saturday - the list can go on.
No one is coming to save us.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by lessgravity
I'm with you. Amazing how deeply Peterson is speaking to me - and I'm not a religious person, not that it's a prereq to enjoying/being inspired by him.
I was at a jewish service the other night (wife is jewish) and they were talking about how much of what the Torah speaks about is "obligation". Had me thinking about how, although I have a family and a career and all the veneer of a, even mildly, successful life - I am not living (at all) in accord with an inner sense of responsibility.
A pint of vodka at 10am instead of heading to a deposition, being too hungover to get my boy to the basketball court on a Saturday - the list can go on.
No one is coming to save us.
I was at a jewish service the other night (wife is jewish) and they were talking about how much of what the Torah speaks about is "obligation". Had me thinking about how, although I have a family and a career and all the veneer of a, even mildly, successful life - I am not living (at all) in accord with an inner sense of responsibility.
A pint of vodka at 10am instead of heading to a deposition, being too hungover to get my boy to the basketball court on a Saturday - the list can go on.
No one is coming to save us.
A pint of vodka at 10am instead of heading to a deposition, being too hungover to get my boy to the basketball court on a Saturday - the list can go on."
Been there too. My son reminded me the other day that in my drinking days, he called me at 2 in the afternoon to please pick him up because he sprained his ankle skateboarding and I told him I was too drunk to drive.
The main navigational tools in life are values and purpose. People overcome hurts, habits and hang-ups out of purpose-based motivation (based on values) -- they better themselves when they recognize how their habits, violate who they were, what they want to be, where they want to go in life.
You may not be a religious person, but someone is coming to save you. :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by CRRHCC
"I am not living (at all) in accord with an inner sense of responsibility.
A pint of vodka at 10am instead of heading to a deposition, being too hungover to get my boy to the basketball court on a Saturday - the list can go on."
Been there too. My son reminded me the other day that in my drinking days, he called me at 2 in the afternoon to please pick him up because he sprained his ankle skateboarding and I told him I was too drunk to drive.
The main navigational tools in life are values and purpose. People overcome hurts, habits and hang-ups out of purpose-based motivation (based on values) -- they better themselves when they recognize how their habits, violate who they were, what they want to be, where they want to go in life.
You may not be a religious person, but someone is coming to save you. :-)
A pint of vodka at 10am instead of heading to a deposition, being too hungover to get my boy to the basketball court on a Saturday - the list can go on."
Been there too. My son reminded me the other day that in my drinking days, he called me at 2 in the afternoon to please pick him up because he sprained his ankle skateboarding and I told him I was too drunk to drive.
The main navigational tools in life are values and purpose. People overcome hurts, habits and hang-ups out of purpose-based motivation (based on values) -- they better themselves when they recognize how their habits, violate who they were, what they want to be, where they want to go in life.
You may not be a religious person, but someone is coming to save you. :-)
My boy is 11. I've caused enough anxiety and distrust in him with my drunkeness that is certain.
Instead of getting wasted at work and hanging out with him later today, we are going to hit up this Russian bath that I love. He's never been there. Will be a bit of a pops/son adventure - and I'll be present and sober for him. Which is what he deserves.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by lessgravity
So well put. How old is your son that he is reminding you of that?
My boy is 11. I've caused enough anxiety and distrust in him with my drunkeness that is certain.
Instead of getting wasted at work and hanging out with him later today, we are going to hit up this Russian bath that I love. He's never been there. Will be a bit of a pops/son adventure - and I'll be present and sober for him. Which is what he deserves.
My boy is 11. I've caused enough anxiety and distrust in him with my drunkeness that is certain.
Instead of getting wasted at work and hanging out with him later today, we are going to hit up this Russian bath that I love. He's never been there. Will be a bit of a pops/son adventure - and I'll be present and sober for him. Which is what he deserves.
I always thought that life would teach them values, when in fact it is the parents first and foremost. Kudos for you to hit the Russian bath in valuing your father son/relationship!
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by CRRHCC
The son who reminded me is now 25. I have three boys and a girl.
I always thought that life would teach them values, when in fact it is the parents first and foremost. Kudos for you to hit the Russian bath in valuing your father son/relationship!
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
I always thought that life would teach them values, when in fact it is the parents first and foremost. Kudos for you to hit the Russian bath in valuing your father son/relationship!
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
