Merlin2011

Hi I am new. I wonder if anyone has any advice. I have tried to stop drinking entirely and start so well, don’t get me wrong it’s hard but AA helps and I manage to get through. But just as I start feeling really good I drink again.

I just can’t work it out. When I don’t drink I am calmer and more confident (not my usual 3am wake up with anxiety and alcohol sweats) I feel happier and optimistic - it is like this demon takes over and once I get that feeling having a drink is inevitable.

Usually within days I am back on 1-2 bottles of wine a night although it takes a few days to get there.

I think I am just really struggling with this demon/ ego - and also I get it in my head that I don’t have a problem and that I have overthought the whole thing and overreacted.

The only other thing I noticed this week was I seem to have an overwhelming amount of energy when sober, it felt really intense and drinking took the edge off.

Back on the sober wagon but my confidence is low.

Any advice?

X

SnazzyDresser

You get to get it dead-clear straight in your head that alcohol is bad for you, that you need to eliminate it from your life. Talk to yourself until you come to terms with that objective fact. Straighten out your thinking that way, don't leave room for ambiguity.

Snowydelrico

You will have to separate from this demon/AV or you will become the demon.
Each time you ignor it you gain experience in that situation. Giving YOU the upper hand.
Keep yourself, you are way more special than that life sucking demon.
After time the ups and downs will level out.
Take care.

Rar

I agree with Snazzy and Snowy. Every time you get through a challenging situation, you will be stronger. I tell myself this as I struggle through any of my difficult situations. I just repeat, "I will be stronger. It won't be as bad next time". ----and it isn't. One day at a time. Hang in there. You can do this. Just get through it.

Nonsensical

I call mine an addiction.
I didn't "just"struggle with mine.
I let it almost kill me.
My advice is to take massive action until you are no longer struggling, but have your addiction under control.
I had to quit drinking to make that happen.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Merlin2011

Wow thank you so much for your advice!

Gottalife

Alcoholics of my type seem to get a window of opportunity and willingness (WOW) when they first put down the drink and turn up at AA. The time the windows stays open varies from days to years, nobody knows how long it will be, but the way to keep it open is action on the steps.

My window was 21 days, then I would drink. When I used that period of grace to get on with the steps, I didn't have nay desire to drink, and the period of grace was extended, and extended to the point where I never drank again.

My window was 21 days. Looks like yours is only 5. Better get busy.

entropy1964

Since you are attending AA, do you have a sponsor? Are you working the steps? If not maybe stepping up your commitment to the program.

PalmerSage

One of the things I've learned is that a relapse never just "happens," or as you describe it, is "inevitable." I know it feels that way at the time, but there are steps you have to take in order to drink: You have to make a decision to drink, you have to make alcohol available, and you have to make the conscious choice to drink it. The cycle can be interrupted anywhere along the way, but you have to make an effort to do it. The next time the urge surfaces, I would suggest you post here before actually drinking, to buy yourself a little time and allow yourself to be talked out of it. On some level, you do have to really want to stop, and as others have said, take drinking off the table as an option, regardless of triggers, stressors, boredom, or habit. It can be done! We're here for you.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Merlin 2011

Regularposting here, reading and posting to others, helped me break that cycle.

It was much harder to convince myself that one more time wouldn't hurt when I was reading all their other stories so similar to mine.

Hope to see you around the boards

D