Fear
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Fear
I知 always living in fear.
Fear that I知 inadequate. Fear that I知 dying. Fear that I知 a bad mother. Fear that my husband is lying.
I could go on.
I made a decision today to drink.
And I知 about to go bed feeling awful about all these things.
Fear that I知 inadequate. Fear that I知 dying. Fear that I知 a bad mother. Fear that my husband is lying.
I could go on.
I made a decision today to drink.
And I知 about to go bed feeling awful about all these things.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hey Jillian,
your words struck a chord with me, I often live with the same fears. It doesn't help that I know they might be irrational - they still haunt me.
Things are much better now with a bit of sober time under my belt - I don't get carried along by the thoughts like I did when I drank.
Anyway, you're not alone.
your words struck a chord with me, I often live with the same fears. It doesn't help that I know they might be irrational - they still haunt me.
Things are much better now with a bit of sober time under my belt - I don't get carried along by the thoughts like I did when I drank.
Anyway, you're not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I'm very sorry to hear your going through such a tough time. I believe my marriage didn't work out because of feelings of being inadequate. Not feeling worthy. Always afraid she really didn't love me and would eventually find someone else. Never had a reason to feel that way. No matter what she said, it didn't matter. Fear ruled other parts of my life like feeling I was not doing a good job at work, even though everyone seemed to think I was doing great.
I don't really have an answer for you other than to let you know you are not alone with this problem. Fear is still a big problem for me but not as bad as it used to be. It's a daily battle to deal with it. I really hope you find some relief soon. Maybe some counseling? Take care. John
I don't really have an answer for you other than to let you know you are not alone with this problem. Fear is still a big problem for me but not as bad as it used to be. It's a daily battle to deal with it. I really hope you find some relief soon. Maybe some counseling? Take care. John
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 10
You made a decision to drink, that is a good a thing. It means you had an option not to and you chose to do it.
From one bad mother to another, if you think you're a bad mother you're doing a good job.
Your husband might be lying to you but at least you're not lying to yourself.
I wish only to you that you wake with hope and no regrets.
From one bad mother to another, if you think you're a bad mother you're doing a good job.
Your husband might be lying to you but at least you're not lying to yourself.
I wish only to you that you wake with hope and no regrets.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Jillian
I'm sorry you drank. The thing I find with fear is that nothing can make it just vanish - not even drinking.
It takes some hard work - you need to challenge the fear with facts, not feelings, and it's important to reach out for support before, not after you drink.
You know all this I know but maybe the next time you feel overwhelmed you can remember this time and make another choice?
I'm dealing with fear waiting on some medical tests. I'm focus ed on the worse case scenario more than I want to be but I'm countering that with facts and the evidence that things are probably not as bad as I fear.
The one thing I'm not giving any oxygen too is drinking.
There's nothing so bad drinking can't make it worse and I'm reassuring myself that whatever the result, I'll keep on living the best life I can.
I like being this Dee rather than that drinking Dee.
You can do this Jillian - try again - and make sure you learn the lessons of this go around for your recovery version 2.0.
D
I'm sorry you drank. The thing I find with fear is that nothing can make it just vanish - not even drinking.
It takes some hard work - you need to challenge the fear with facts, not feelings, and it's important to reach out for support before, not after you drink.
You know all this I know but maybe the next time you feel overwhelmed you can remember this time and make another choice?
I'm dealing with fear waiting on some medical tests. I'm focus ed on the worse case scenario more than I want to be but I'm countering that with facts and the evidence that things are probably not as bad as I fear.
The one thing I'm not giving any oxygen too is drinking.
There's nothing so bad drinking can't make it worse and I'm reassuring myself that whatever the result, I'll keep on living the best life I can.
I like being this Dee rather than that drinking Dee.
You can do this Jillian - try again - and make sure you learn the lessons of this go around for your recovery version 2.0.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Jillian
I completely understand what you are saying. For me, acceptance has been the key that unlocks the door to change. Accepting me, as I am, the good, the bad, the ugly. I have negative qualities, but I also have positive ones. By understanding my down sides, where they came from and maybe the 'why' of their existence I'm able to incorporate them...instead of pushing them away, or denying them...only to have them rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune time to sabotage me. I make a choice to focus on the good, lead with my good.
There is so much I have zero control over. Zero. But when I focus on that stuff that is external to me, I lose sight of what I do have control of: my feelings and my responses to things. I recognize that focusing on 'future' events means I'm not living in the now. Regretting past events means the same. The now is where I build a new me, a new emotionally rational and mature me. If I focus on the now, the future takes care of itself...and if I do that a lot, the past won't be regrettable. I also have to have faith that most of the time, when I do the right thing (emotionally, financially, physically) in the now, tomorrow generally works out. When it doesn't, that is life. And I have to have the emotional maturity to accept that. And its back to acceptance
Hang in there.
I completely understand what you are saying. For me, acceptance has been the key that unlocks the door to change. Accepting me, as I am, the good, the bad, the ugly. I have negative qualities, but I also have positive ones. By understanding my down sides, where they came from and maybe the 'why' of their existence I'm able to incorporate them...instead of pushing them away, or denying them...only to have them rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune time to sabotage me. I make a choice to focus on the good, lead with my good.
There is so much I have zero control over. Zero. But when I focus on that stuff that is external to me, I lose sight of what I do have control of: my feelings and my responses to things. I recognize that focusing on 'future' events means I'm not living in the now. Regretting past events means the same. The now is where I build a new me, a new emotionally rational and mature me. If I focus on the now, the future takes care of itself...and if I do that a lot, the past won't be regrettable. I also have to have faith that most of the time, when I do the right thing (emotionally, financially, physically) in the now, tomorrow generally works out. When it doesn't, that is life. And I have to have the emotional maturity to accept that. And its back to acceptance
Hang in there.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Jill,
I relate to the insatiable desire to drink. I used step 1 of the big book. It was a miracle. I still use step 1 every day when I need strength. Not just for drinking, but for life.
Until I suffered through all my feelings of doubt, fears, frustrating issues, haters, players etc etc. As a sober person, I could get to this next level of healing. My religious beliefs are my crutch.
Millions and millions of people cant be wrong. It is the mystery of faith. If a person is not being led by a loving God, who ever it is, they ar unknowingly being led by an evil one. That entity will wreck them.
I let my God take the wheel when things are out of my control.
The booze slowly and insideously rotted me. Recovery is hell. That hell is the evil.
I find so much strengh in prayer.
I had issues a work thusday, i used to drink over. I am on a 4 day weekend, I used to get hammerd.
Reading your post made me crave a bit. But, I will never drink booze again.
Hope this helps you find the peace you are searching for.
Thanks.
I relate to the insatiable desire to drink. I used step 1 of the big book. It was a miracle. I still use step 1 every day when I need strength. Not just for drinking, but for life.
Until I suffered through all my feelings of doubt, fears, frustrating issues, haters, players etc etc. As a sober person, I could get to this next level of healing. My religious beliefs are my crutch.
Millions and millions of people cant be wrong. It is the mystery of faith. If a person is not being led by a loving God, who ever it is, they ar unknowingly being led by an evil one. That entity will wreck them.
I let my God take the wheel when things are out of my control.
The booze slowly and insideously rotted me. Recovery is hell. That hell is the evil.
I find so much strengh in prayer.
I had issues a work thusday, i used to drink over. I am on a 4 day weekend, I used to get hammerd.
Reading your post made me crave a bit. But, I will never drink booze again.
Hope this helps you find the peace you are searching for.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Jillian,
I drank so many times because of fear, fear of not being worthy of love, fear that my children will never forgive me for having a drinking problem, fear that I won't have enough money for retirement.....ect
That fear led me to drink, so then I added the fear of what I did or said while drunk, the fear that I can't make it to work, fear that I spent too much money while drinking......
My point is that drinking only added to my fears, and when the pile of fear was so high, I felt like I was suffocating.
I put down the booze and began to really look at my fears. I realized that I was fearing events in the past I couldn't change and scenarios in the future I couldn't control.
I stopped to look at the present moment. A job I love, enough money to easily support myself, progress with my relationships, and getting stronger in my sobriety.
Maybe you could re-evaluate your present situation, based on actual reality. You are worthy, strong, and deserve love right now. You know that can't be found in a bottle, but it can be found within yourself.
Blessings on your journey
I drank so many times because of fear, fear of not being worthy of love, fear that my children will never forgive me for having a drinking problem, fear that I won't have enough money for retirement.....ect
That fear led me to drink, so then I added the fear of what I did or said while drunk, the fear that I can't make it to work, fear that I spent too much money while drinking......
My point is that drinking only added to my fears, and when the pile of fear was so high, I felt like I was suffocating.
I put down the booze and began to really look at my fears. I realized that I was fearing events in the past I couldn't change and scenarios in the future I couldn't control.
I stopped to look at the present moment. A job I love, enough money to easily support myself, progress with my relationships, and getting stronger in my sobriety.
Maybe you could re-evaluate your present situation, based on actual reality. You are worthy, strong, and deserve love right now. You know that can't be found in a bottle, but it can be found within yourself.
Blessings on your journey
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 752
Originally Posted by Jillian2563 
I知 always living in fear.
Fear that I知 inadequate. Fear that I知 dying. Fear that I知 a bad mother. Fear that my husband is lying.
I could go on.
I made a decision today to drink.
And I知 about to go bed feeling awful about all these things.
Fear that I知 inadequate. Fear that I知 dying. Fear that I知 a bad mother. Fear that my husband is lying.
I could go on.
I made a decision today to drink.
And I知 about to go bed feeling awful about all these things.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
I had similar fears. I知 a single mom. I was afraid I was a bad mom, I was afraid I壇 die and no one would be there to take care of my child. I was afraid everyone, mostly her, would find out I was a drunk and hate me. I chose to drink through these fears for many many day.
Today I choose not to drink, and while I can稚 say I知 fear-free - it痴 a whole lot better than it was.
Hang in there, keep coming here.
Today I choose not to drink, and while I can稚 say I知 fear-free - it痴 a whole lot better than it was.
Hang in there, keep coming here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Hi Jillian
I completely understand what you are saying. For me, acceptance has been the key that unlocks the door to change. Accepting me, as I am, the good, the bad, the ugly. I have negative qualities, but I also have positive ones. By understanding my down sides, where they came from and maybe the 'why' of their existence I'm able to incorporate them...instead of pushing them away, or denying them...only to have them rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune time to sabotage me. I make a choice to focus on the good, lead with my good.
There is so much I have zero control over. Zero. But when I focus on that stuff that is external to me, I lose sight of what I do have control of: my feelings and my responses to things. I recognize that focusing on 'future' events means I'm not living in the now. Regretting past events means the same. The now is where I build a new me, a new emotionally rational and mature me. If I focus on the now, the future takes care of itself...and if I do that a lot, the past won't be regrettable. I also have to have faith that most of the time, when I do the right thing (emotionally, financially, physically) in the now, tomorrow generally works out. When it doesn't, that is life. And I have to have the emotional maturity to accept that. And its back to acceptance Hang in there.
I completely understand what you are saying. For me, acceptance has been the key that unlocks the door to change. Accepting me, as I am, the good, the bad, the ugly. I have negative qualities, but I also have positive ones. By understanding my down sides, where they came from and maybe the 'why' of their existence I'm able to incorporate them...instead of pushing them away, or denying them...only to have them rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune time to sabotage me. I make a choice to focus on the good, lead with my good.
There is so much I have zero control over. Zero. But when I focus on that stuff that is external to me, I lose sight of what I do have control of: my feelings and my responses to things. I recognize that focusing on 'future' events means I'm not living in the now. Regretting past events means the same. The now is where I build a new me, a new emotionally rational and mature me. If I focus on the now, the future takes care of itself...and if I do that a lot, the past won't be regrettable. I also have to have faith that most of the time, when I do the right thing (emotionally, financially, physically) in the now, tomorrow generally works out. When it doesn't, that is life. And I have to have the emotional maturity to accept that. And its back to acceptance
Hang in there.Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Originally Posted by xxxNICHOLExxx
I had a lot of fear and worry turns out I have bad anxiety!!! Maybe go to the doctors and get checked out ?? Hopefully your having a better day take care of yourself!!!
I know it seems silly to say that I don't want to take any meds, but I've poisoned myself for so long, and I don't want to add to it by putting more chemicals in my body.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Originally Posted by Komplex
I had similar fears. I知 a single mom. I was afraid I was a bad mom, I was afraid I壇 die and no one would be there to take care of my child.
I know that if I continue to drink though, that this is more likely to happen.
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