Been sober for 5 days. On the brink of capitulation...
 

I’ve had 5 miserable days of work and withdrawal. It’s Friday night, I know exactly where my dealer is going to be in a few hours. Every cell in my body wants to go meet him, and then get drunk.

The voice in my head is making a very convincing case as to why this time is going to be ‘the last time’. But then it always does. I’m so close to making a deal with myself to just drink and not do drugs, or just smoke weed and not drink etc. I know where they’re all going to lead though.

I’ve got about 62 hrs of sobriety to kill before I go back to work. That’s plenty of time to try and figure out exactly what it is that normal people actually do with their time? Watch tv, go to the gym or mall or something? **** I hate my life sometimes.

i imagine it might take you a little longer than 62 hours to crack the code on what non-addicts do with their time!!!? how about take a breathe, slow your roll just a little bit.........you just got thru FIVE days and have w/ds mostly BEHIND you now. so you never have to go thru those five days EVER AGAIN.

so for just this night, why not keep it simple? plan a nice meal or grab some nice take out, go home, relax, unwind, watch some olympics or ID channel or put on that weird fusion jazz stuff you like, whatever it is that does not involve getting drunk or high...........make it an early evening, hit the pillow sober, and have a full fresh sober day tomorrow!?

Hi Pete. Glad you are here. Listening to that voice gets us in trouble. I try to keep myself busy. Go on a lot of walks, read, shopping. This site helps me a lot. I spend a lot of time on this site in chat. it helps alot when I am having a rough time
Good Luck!!

That’s the plan I’m going to try and stick to. I’m going to get a takeaway, learn some more Ethereum development, maybe watch a movie.

I keep telling myself ‘it has to end sometime’, I just find it hard to face that the fact that time is now.

Thanks Am, I think it helps to be in the company of like minded people.

THATS already progress- when using you hated it ALL the time. imagine how much more youd hate it if ya let the thoughts control your actions, which remember that not all thoughts are true you already gave up your right to another ‘the last time’.
have you made the decision youre done for good?
have you made the decision to go to ANY lengths to stay clean and sober?
you can start by getting the numbers in your phone that arent detrimental to recovery out of your phone .

i didnt have to find out what normal people do with their time.
i had to find out what I wanted to do with my time and that took much longer than 62 hours.
give it T.I.M.E. Pete.

When I was entrenched in alcoholism and quit I had a plan everyday. A structure to get through the first month.

-Wake up
Drink Coffee and log on to SR
-Gym
-Work
-Take bath or shower after work
- Eat dinner
- Log on to SR and check in
- Watch Netflix or read ( mostly netflix)

This structure filled my time and allowed me to have a routine. When the weekends came around I took longer runs and filled my time with all the above.

Lots of tea drinking. Still lots of tea drinking.

Having a plan for your hours is good and I hope that you continue to fill your time with productive activities.

You can do this Pete. Do anything but drink or use. 5 days is great - that's 5 days of nasties you never have to go through again. Stay close to SR. Most everyone here have gone through the 5 days, some more than once (like me). There's a wealth of experience and wisdom here. Hang in there.

You can get through this night and you will feel better tomorrow and be on Day 6!

I'm struggling tonight right with you, Pete. It's Friday. And what is it about "one last time" that is so enticing? I can make ten cases for that right now. But ... I'm not. For right now, I'm gonna cheer you on instead. Let's just get through tonight.

How many years have we lived in the pathetic pretend of "just tonight" - "one last night"?

Push through guys, no one is coming to save us.

Hey Pete - you can absolutely do this - hope you have a good sober night :)
Lean on us when needed :)

D

Your dealer and the off license will still be there tomorrow, next week and next month. They aren't going anywhere. Why not give your self 1 month without using either. If you still feel exactly the same and absolutely nothing has improved you could consider starting using and drinking again. But I bet you my left nut. You wont want to see them again if you go a month clean and sober.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the kind words of support.

I’m already in my pyjamas (it’s only 5.30 here). I thought that would help put up an extra barrier between myself and going out. Starting to get a little peckish too, I think an Ubereats might be in order.

Very true Shaun.

Love the Rik Mayall by the way.

Sure does.

I don't know what 'normal' people were up to this evening. What I did was drive to a neighbouring city, meet up with a couple of recovery friends and go to a meeting, then we went for pizza and a natter.
Was a great evening. Although I do like PJ evenings as well.

Why not try some of your local meetings? It realky DOES help to be in the company of like minded people... http://www.drugrehab.ca/toronto-aa-meetings.html

BB