Rabbit Hole
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 116
Rabbit Hole
I NEED to stay sober! As a heavy drinker, too many isn't something I know. I'll get wasted, then take 2 days and not drink and think I am somehow going to actually just have one the next night.
I feel off two days ago and just went and drank and drank and drank.
Been a crazy heavy drinker since for 25 years now. Like 2 bottles of wine the nights I drink. I've been able to go a week here, 2 weeks there even 2 months once and not drink, but I keep falling off.
I'm sitting up at the computer now looking for AA meetings that I can attend. Freaked out about my health, and just plain ole worried I can't tame this and beat it back. As I have tried and failed, I do realize this will be the hardest thing I ever do in my life. I have let alcohol define who I am and it always feels like I am a different person when I don't drink. I need to be that person.
If I don't stop (and permanently), I know this will ruin everything.
Just needed to write something.
I feel off two days ago and just went and drank and drank and drank.
Been a crazy heavy drinker since for 25 years now. Like 2 bottles of wine the nights I drink. I've been able to go a week here, 2 weeks there even 2 months once and not drink, but I keep falling off.
I'm sitting up at the computer now looking for AA meetings that I can attend. Freaked out about my health, and just plain ole worried I can't tame this and beat it back. As I have tried and failed, I do realize this will be the hardest thing I ever do in my life. I have let alcohol define who I am and it always feels like I am a different person when I don't drink. I need to be that person.
If I don't stop (and permanently), I know this will ruin everything.
Just needed to write something.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Glad you're here, posting and assessing how far down the hole you've dug. Hope you get to a meeting today and find some strength and hope with what is shared there.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,186
It is undoubtedly hard but the good thing is that if you can stop for 2 months just using willpower then you can definitely quit with some outside help like AA or indeed here on SR.
One day at a time is all you have to do.
One day at a time is all you have to do.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon
Posts: 33
Keep writing here. It helps.
Also look for AA meetings during that time of day you would normally drink. I got at 6:30. Having the meeting to go to keeps me from drinking beforehand, and having been at the meeting keeps me from drinking afterwards.
Also look for AA meetings during that time of day you would normally drink. I got at 6:30. Having the meeting to go to keeps me from drinking beforehand, and having been at the meeting keeps me from drinking afterwards.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
It's great that you recognize the need to quit drinking and want to do something about it! That's the first step. One thing that struck me which may just be semantics is your use of "need" without mentioning "want". Reason I wonder about that is this. Need is all about something you should do because in this case, it will improve your life. Just like, I need to lose some weight. You know you have to, but do you WANT to? For me anyway, that's where my true commitment came from. Rooting for you!!
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