Grandiosity : In the gutter but looking down on everyone else.
 

Grandiosity and the Addictive Personality

Addicts tend to share certain characteristics that are referred to as the addictive personality. It is suggested that it is these personality traits that make the individual more susceptible to falling into addiction. One of the characteristics that addicts tend to exhibit is grandiosity. Most of those who abuse alcohol or drugs will have low self-esteem a great deal of the time, but they can use grandiosity as a defense mechanism to hide their feelings of vulnerability and low self-worth. The addict is somehow able to manage to have low self-esteem yet still believe they are better than other people – this can be described as lying in the gutter but still looking down on everyone else.

Grandiosity as a Obstacle to Recovery from Addiction

Grandiosity can be a difficult obstacle that prevents the addict from finding their way into recovery. It makes it hard for the individual to accept help, and if they have feelings of invincibility then they might not even see the need to put an end to their addiction. If this grandiosity is due to a mental health problem, such as bipolar disorder, it may prevent the individual from ever gaining insight into their problems. The best option will be for such individuals to undergo dual diagnosis treatment where their mental health problem and addiction can be dealt with together.

Grandiosity and Terminal Uniqueness

Even after people have managed to escape their addiction they may still be faced with problems due to grandiosity. Terminal uniqueness is the belief that the individual has that they are a special case. This means that they may refuse to believe that because something worked for other people that it can work for them. Terminal uniqueness can prevent people from making use of the resources available to them in recovery. Their unwillingness to learn from other people means that they increase the risk of relapse; even if they remain sober they are unlikely to find that life is particularly satisfying – they are likely to become a dry drunk.

From alcoholrehab.com 'grandiosity-and-addiction'

Terminal uniqueness - that has been with me my entire life, and doesn't just manifest in relation to my addiction.

It's also what has kept me relapsing time and time again. It didn't matter what I was doing - AA, counselling, therapy, etc. I'd rarely take any kind of advice or direction because I was always skeptical of the process. Somehow I didn't really believe that whatever was suggested would work for me, so I never gave anything %100.

But then it was easy to have an excuse any time I drank - "Well I never really tried anyway."

What was the point of spinning my wheels for so long then? :headbange

Terminal uniqueness meant that I had to learn everything the hard way rather than follow any kind of guidance or accept any support.

At least I finally learned the most important lesson: that I'm most certainly NOT terminally unique. Only though humility and openness was I able to finally learn this.

Their unwillingness to learn from other people means that they increase the risk of relapse.

What I love about this site is the willingness of others to share their journey and to let others know that it can be done. The support is also unbelievable!

I was one of the people who put themselves through an unnecessarily extended period of pain because I wasn't willing to learn from others. I found it all very interesting, and felt a bit sorry that they needed to do 'all that stuff' to stay sober. Not really understanding that It's not necessarily about just maintaining sobriety, but about ensuring that the quality of it is such that we can be comfortable and happy in ourselves. I needed to get to the stage where I'd being praying every night that I could just die in my sleep, and waking up disappointed to be doing so every morning. After a while of that I finally became willing to listen and actually do what was suggested, and then lo and behold, I started to get some relief.

I'm so grateful today that I finally got that gift of desperation. Maybe some folk just need that and it's the only way they're ever going to try things that are suggested. If so, it's a shame.

BB

Thank you Berrybean for this, guilty as charged.
I was only able to get and stay sober when I found some humility, but sometimes it is a hard lesson to learn.

Oh yes- I was raised thinking I was a special snowflake! And, I was- am- a smart, talented, etc etc person. But I was actually just thinking at my morning yoga class....I'm just an average person. Not better, not less.

Making that shift - a seismic one- was key in beginning recovery - oh, and remembering it is key to staying in recovery!

Thanks BB- this one is always a good reminder.

I was ate up with terminal uniqueness.

An ego maniac with an inferiority complex. I know lots of people like this....some addicts, some not. But all can't cope with life....and I find control is a major issue for these people.

I find when I'm relating to the world, I often (without really realizing it) place myself in either a one up to the external thing/person/institution, or a one down. It can be really subtle too and very much controls how I then react to this external stimulus. Trying to observe and remove judgment of everything helps me keep my responses more emotionally consistent and mature. Makes life soooo much easier!

You're still blurring the lines on Usage and addiction...saying you really can't quit....and still thought of as Personality disorder....and where you think there's something seriously wrong with an outlet of sorts through a substance.

i never had a problem with terminal uniqueness, just no one knew what it was like to be me! :)
i think another good thread would be about the hardships denial brings on. :)

Most of those who abuse alcohol or drugs will have low self-esteem a great deal of the time, but they can use grandiosity as a defense mechanism to hide their feelings of vulnerability and low self-worth

i was an egomanic with an inferiority complex- is that the same as above?

Are you okay?

Maybe it's just me, but I've struggled to make sense of the posts you've put up on various threads today.

Maybe it would be worth starting a thread with whats bothering you so folk can respond accordingly.

BB

Since I am an AAer, this is exactly why I read pp 417-418 of the BB every morning as part of my recovery work. To paraphrase, when I starting thinking "I know better" or something isn't how I think it should be...I'm saying I know better than God. And that was proven wrong by the fact that I became an alcoholic - and it was the "best thing that ever happened to me, so if I don't know what's best for me, then I don't know what's best for you or anyone else"....also, [I've learned] that there is a "little good in the worst of us, and a little bad in the best of us" so I best just leave the whole shebang up to [God].

This self-centered alcoholic really has to keep "turning it away from the I" every day!!