lessgravity

I can hear them. Not worried about giving in to anything tonight or any time soon.

But I hear them chatting about that dull, perfect oblivion while I'm here working away.

It's only been 9 days since I was finishing my first pint of vodka at 10am on a Monday, calling in sick to work, after weeks of the same, so it's not shocking to hear the demons' chatter.

Nonetheless, I'm recognizing it. Surfing the urges even though I'm not concerned of falling in the water. The waves still come and go.

lessgravity

I'm about to leave work to go meet an old friend I haven't seen in a long time. Looking forward to it. We might even walk an historic bridge in my town.

Typically, and what the demons are giggling about, on my way to meet him I'd swing by the liquor store and grab a bottle of something to kill quickly so that I would have a nice heavy buzz before we met. Then I would encourage us to grab drinks at a couple great places I know on the way back to my apartment. I might even make an excuse to run out, grab myself another little bottle and sneak it into my briefcase - just so that when we finally got home I could swig again - ensure the drunk would be there when I pulled up the sheets.

Not happening tonight. But the old ruts in the road are there, and I can't say that it doesn't sound good.

Played out the movie though - and I look forward to climbing into bed with my wife, smelling like toothpaste instead of poison and waking up tomorrow morning strong and sure.

J50

I like to think of my AV of more like a little brat than a demon. Demons are scary 😮!

wayforward

I can relate to a lot of that. I know exactly what you mean about a certain part of your mind spinning the wheels the way the way the years have taught it how to. But you're vigilant, another part of your mind is listening in and observing how the addiction works while choosing to abstain.

And I'm sure that, like me, you know there will come a day when you're not as vigilant about the workings of your mind. That's why the little tools and new habits are so important, I figure. It's like retraining your autopilot.

Nonsensical

Yup.

Describing how you would have handled the event if you were still drinking reinforces the old ruts.

Build new ruts by visualizing and describing how it will be now that you don't drink anymore. Retraining your brain takes a lot of effort, but it can be done.

9 days is an awesome start! Keep it going!

footballmad

How did it go mate, did you get through it OK, resisted the urges, and woke up today feeling good?

lessgravity

Football - yes that's exactly what happened. We took a long walk, had a great conversation, caught up. Then we hit a really good latin restaurant where the drinks were flowing. As I thought he ordered a margarita. I said, no thanks, taking a break for Lent. He of course said, good for you. Though he ordered a second.

Instead of feeling the urge in that moment I actually felt relief and calm - knew I was going to feel better brushing my teeth and kissing my wife - being f-cking honest about not drinking and then waking up solid and strong to post here.

Thanks for checking in. Here's to day 10.

footballmad

Great stuff mate......proud of you. Well done. I'll have the same trouble when I go to watch the football with my mates tomorrow and I hope I have your resolve!

4thegirls

Yep. My usual visit with friends would consist of meeting in an historic place, me already buzzed, or at a preserve, with me bringing a picnic (as an excuse for wine or vodka). Lunch with friends was always at a place with a bar, and I'd stop again at a restaurant on the way home just to drink again, then stop for a bottle before going home. Nuts. On day 9 without that now. I'm a bit apprehensive of the first outing l, whenever that comes.

lessgravity

Foot and 4 -

Yeah I know that we are often told here, and in AA etc, that we shouldn't put ourselves in places where we might be tempted to drink/around other drinkers. But I'm not willing not to hang out with friends and family merely because they don't have the same problems with booze that I do. If I feel I can't deal with a situation I'm going to extricate myself, but otherwise there is a power you get from watching someone else drink and KNOWING that you aren't going to.

There was one moment last night when I heard my beast peep up and say he wanted a drink. I told him, sure sure, you can have one tomorrow if you want. The urge passed.

It felt so good to get home and be clearheaded.

Let me know how you guys do.

Rar

Well done Less.

Dee74

For me I couldn't just plonk myself down in situations in which I used to drink because... I drank.

Not usually right away...I would hang with friends or family and not drink and feel great - I'd lull myself into a false sense of security, or power, and then the next time in that situation, inexplicably and without thought, I'd crack open a beer.

I think looking back I hadn't really accepted the need to change my life.

What I really wanted was my life not to change at all, but for me to be a guy who could drink his fill and be none the worse for wear.

Fantasy stuff.

The last time I quit, I was at a drinking buddies house on day 3...I barely escaped that with sobriety intact.

I decided then and there I had to change my life and my approach.


Escape plans are vital but I think it's even better to think about situations before you're in the middle of them.

No one lifts 300 pounds their first lift. You need to work up to that.

I didn't draw the shades and hide away but I did assess every invite and opportunity according to whether it would be good for my recovery.

when I had a fine set of 'sobriety muscles', and I knew I wanted to be sober - then I could go out and be anywhere with anyone.,

All this is just my experience but that 'recovery weight training' was a wise investment for me.

D