I am not sure if im in the right place
 

I have been in a 20 year relationship until 14 days ago today. He has left me for the woman he cheated on me with and I have so many answered questions. Our main problems was fighting about the drinking n the events that took place while he was drinking. I am not even sure if hes an alcoholic, a narcissist, sociopath. I just dont know but for my closure, it would be helpful to try to understand all the abuse I endured all these years.

Hi and Welcome,

I'm sorry for your situation.

Have you considered talking to a therapist about what has happened? It could also be helpful to check out AlAnon in your city, as a support for yourself.

I'm sorry for what brought you here. :hug: I agree that counseling might be helpful for you.

I'm really sorry too broken but you'll find support here.

I don't know what makes a man cheat and leave his wife, but I've seen it in drinkers and addicts - and non drinkers and non addicts too.

What I do know is you deserve a whole lot better than that.

Lean on the support here - you're not alone :)

D

Very sorry :( I was cheated on too and alcohol was her excuse. I agree that counselling will help.

As a recovering alcoholic myself I speak from experience. Alcohol does make us horrible boyfriends/husbands. I have acted controlling at times. I have been verbally abusive. We've had some right screaming arguments in our house with cups, plates and phones being thrown up the wall. I've questioned if I myself am a narcissist. I do have aspergers ... which is problematic in itself but I was using alcohol to feel "normal". Self medicating.

It wasn't always bad. But when it was bad, it was bad.

I noticed when I stop drinking I changed. My mental stage changed. When I was abusing alcohol I would wake up with a hangover that lasted all day until I drank again at night. In the period without alcohol I was groggy, tired, stressed. I was constantly depressed. But as soon as I drank I was happy and alive again ... for the first few hours. I'd end up getting drunk at some point and I was either happy, or angry. One or the other. Depending on the events of the day.

This is one reason I will remain sober. For her. For my kid. They dont deserve it and if I can't do it for them I don't deserve them in my life.

I rarely speak about this, but I just wanted to put that out there. There is no excuse for what your boyfriend did. Cheating is the most hurtful thing a person can do.

fwiw I was a drinker and I never once cheated. I never understand people who use being drunk as an excuse. Even when I was off my face I still knew that I didn't want any other woman but my girlfriend. Also have to add I have never been violent towards my girlfriend either.

Welcome. Sorry for the situation that brings you here.

I also recommend The Al-anon program. An enormous help to me.

Just to clarify - your husband is the problem drinker and you are not a problem drinker?

Are you happy that he has left?

To me you sound quite bewildered and in shock.
I experienced a similar situation when my ex left after 12 years together.

I felt that I did not understand the world anymore.
I did not understand how one human being could do that to another human being.
I constantly looked at other marriages and couples and wondered what I had done wrong and what was wrong with me.

I realised I was suffering from emotional shock.
Psychological shock, a form of psychological trauma, is the body’s very real stress response to experiencing or witnessing an overwhelming and/or frightening event.

Please ask for help and please keep coming here.
Wherever you post, you are in the right place.

I wish you the best xx