rich27

Back at 3 days and it has been very difficult to get beyond two weeks. I've been going to AA and hanging with my non-drinking friend. And still, the urge to go out gets to be too much after two weeks.

I need to find a way where I can just walk away from wanting to drinking excessively.

entropy1964

So I ponder stuff about recovery pretty much all the time. I have sort of a 'topic' of the moment....sometimes pondering it for months. Right now, I've been pondering the 'nature' of my addiction. In other words, what exactly IS that craving, that obsession. Cause its fricken nuts.

When I am active in my addiction (driven by my obsession to use, sometimes just psychologically, but often physically as well) I get to a point where I MUST use. I must. But what I've noticed is that the actual ingestion of the alcohol doesn't really relieve this obsession. It actually starts it all over, the craving, the wanting more. The relief actually comes before the drink. The deciding to drink, just that, can ease the obsession. Coming home with the bottle, more relief, pouring a drink, even more. Then the drink....maybe a brief moment of some kind of 'high' but because of tolerance it is fleeting. And the obsession starts all over again. So the horrid itch that needs scratching is the obsession.

Acceptance is key. Taking the DOC off the table, absolutely. But I do find it interesting that at least for me, its not the desire to be high, but the desire to be relieved of that obsession that drives me. Really ponder that....

rich27

That makes a lot of sense . I don't really understand why or how it's so difficult to get beyond those 2 weeks and I really begin to feel physically better. Then that urge to go out comes like a ton of bricks and it's not just one day, its two or three days. That's just too much.

Delilah1

I found I needed to really focus on recovery, and making healthy choices across the board. I found other outlets for relieving stress: walking, yoga, baths, reading, sometimes binging on a favorite show. Over time this became my new normal and thoughts of drinking became less and less frequent.

I agree with Frick that you really need to take drinking completely off the table. It gets easier with time, and you will feel so much better in all aspects of your life.

BreezyFe

I've been in your shoes. I'd be sober, life is good & (my personal experience ) in this euphoria that I feel I should reward myself ( or can have just one, life is good-I've been sober for " x" days & can handle it).

But I know as soon as I have my drink of choice -it kills me. I will have one...few hrs later another & it goes down hill.

It does suck & I give soo much kudos that have jumped that hump of white knuckling & the AV.

I'm still struggling with the AV but am determined that one day that voice will be a whisper-not in my ear with a megaphone.

I'm sorry if I don't have any words of wisdom but just know you're not alone. Onward and upward.

DarklingSong

This is certainly true for me also......the relief and pleasure of drinking is all in the lead up. The obsession feels like a pressure cooker about to explode; the simple decision to drink brings extraordinary relief. Until of course it starts all over again. For me that is the centre of my addiction. Pain and relief and more pain, over and over. I am only beginning to fully understand that accepting I can never drink again is the only way out.

Anna

I'm glad you're back and working at recovery.

It might help, as the 2-week point approaches, for you to make a specific plan to get past that point. What can you do and what can you add to support your recovery?

rich27

I don't know what I can do. Perhaps, hang out with a friend or see a movie...its usually at the ends of my days where I get feeling depressed and alone and that makes it far more difficult to fight off the urge to go to the pub where I feel welcome and accepted.

Berrybean

Check the HALT triggers and redress any that may be rattling yo.
Call someone from AA and ask how they're doing.
Help someone.
Write a gratitude list.
Listen to some speaker recordings ... http://www.recoveryaudio.org
And, more importantly than it might seem - accept that you ARE going to get cravings and feel a bit rubbish in early sobriety. But it will pass, and believe us when we say that it IS worth it. Incredible as it sounds, those AA promises can come true, when we work for them.

Also, please, please remember that meetings are just one leg of the AA stool. Meetings are not the program of recovery.
The relief came for me when I (finally) got a sponsor and starting working on the 12-step program of recovery, and started getting more involved in meetings (just helping to set up and clear up initially, and giving people rides to meetings who didn't have a car).

When we look at the symbol for AA it's not just a line with 'meetings' written on it. Every side of the triangle is important. They go together in the circle. When i was balancing on one leg of the AA stool just going to meetings I didn't stand a chance at recovering, and plenty of people I know found the same. Perhaps the same is true for you? If a doc prescribed you some medicine, would you only take a third of the dose? Probably not. Why should this be different? When listening to 'How It Works' it took me months of extended pain and misery to finally hear the word 'thoroughly' in there and decide to take action.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.

BB

Dee74

none of these things really address your alcoholism tho, rich?

Have you seen this link?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

I really recommend a recovery plan - even if you're already going to AA.

If you're still drinking, maybe you need a few more tools?

D

shauninspain

'I don't really understand why or how it's so difficult to get beyond those 2 weeks and I really begin to feel physically better.' - Beginning to feel physically (and mentally better) was one of the biggest reasons why I returned to the madness so often. I'd take my eye off the ball and lose it completely. I can only speak of my own experiences, but I would become very 'meh' about not drinking. As though it wasn't really that important... and I could always stop again tomorrow... couldn't I ? And off I'd go again into the madness. I found that I HAD to take each day as a new and unique day, and put as much effort in to day 14 as I did in the first couple. You'll get there mate.

D122y

Duplicate post. Delete.

D122y

Rich,

Ime....it is all about suffering.

I still suffer w all this clean time.

It is not a continuous issue. It comes and goes.

My suffering was so terrible at 2 weeks. At 6 months, I was craving so strongly.

At 13 months, I had a shot of wisky. My analysis told me it was the only way to not get food poisoning. I managed to not relapse.

The suffering came and went for another 14 months. Then peer pressure. My analysis said a small shot would be ok. It was a celebration of a sick friend. I had about a tablespoons. Somehow, no additional. No relapes.

Now I am at about 6 months clean again.

I still suffer. But, now I have hours and hours of happiness. I am strong and confidently sober.

Everything is better. I am hardened from my suffering.

I don't do AA, but I pray every day thanking God for my sobriety. I also come to SR at least a few times a week to read and post.

This place keeps the reasons why I quit being a drunk fresh in my mind.

Addiction is a disease of forgetting.

Thanks.