Not conforming, not succeeding.
 

Now I dropped it and I'm drinking just as much as I was before. I was not willing to do Step 5, which I am not going to do ever. My business is my business. I need another recovery program. I will not talk to anyone about things I'm ashamed of. It won't happen. Any suggestions are appreciated. I do want to be sober. But I refuse to talk about myself to others.

I understand completely. I never did this step either. Too ashamed.
I don't know, but if you're a religious person, maybe you could go to confession at a church if you think this step is really necessary.
It's anonymous and may be a load off your chest.
Best to you.

actually, what we think is so bad usually gets an "eh, and then what happened?" from our sponsors. nothing nobody hasn't heard before.....we really are only as sick as our secrets. once we can say yeah, and then this happened.....perhaps not with every gory detail......we realize we aren't the big badasses we thought we were.

and if we take the time to listen to other people's stories, we learn compassion.

Take your pick of other approaches really

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main meeting based players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach, like Rational Recovery.

The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something for your recovery, man.

In my experience, inaction just leads to the default of more drinking....

D

Just a suggestion: go out in the woods and talk about yourself. Alone and aloud. You need to own your past.

If you can't own it with other people, own it with yourself.

Me either. I looked at that step and thought no way in hell. I spent my whole life hiding that stuff, why would I want to dig it all up ?

What happened was I started with step one, then two and so on, and when I got to step five I found my ideas had changed somewhat. I was able to muster just enough courage to overcome the fear and go through with it, and I got all the promises on page 75. I couldn't believe the effect, and most of all I lost that sense of shame and lonliness. Of course I didn't know how it would turn out at the start, so in a way it was a leap of faith. But it was worth it.

One of the other motivating factors for me was looking at the reasons I should take this step. The best reason first -" if we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking". I wasn't too bright back then and fairly stupidly just took their word for it. When I read that statement, I really believed it was true and, in a way, you hve made their case.

Maybe it is a circular thing. People often falter at step three, drink, and get taken back to step one. Now it looks like that has happened to you.

Behind step one is 43 pages of individual and collective experience that shows we must be willing to go to any lengths if we wish to recover, that is if our experience tallies with that in the book.

All through the book are examples of where the early members tried to avoid certain uncomfortable parts of the program and what happened as a result.

The experience you shared above looks pretty similar.

Just a short post script. Did you know that the Big Book clearly states that you get to decide who hears your fifth step, if you choose to take it. I have heard a few, but I always let my people know they can go elsewhere. I often suggest a priest/pastor as they are trained in step 5, and also can keep everything confidential under the law, which almost noone else can. I have always had good results from this.

I don't need to hear a fifth to know it has been done. People just glow when they pass this milestone.

I couldn't bring myself to do my 5th with my Sponsor. I explained to her, I think it disappointed her. But, I went forward. I literally looked online for a Catholic Church near me and called and made an appointment with a Priest to do my 5th Step.
I was feeling nervous when I arrived. I'm not a Catholic or even a Christian. But, there I was reading my 5th Step! Afterwards I got in my car and was shaking a bit, I cried, and then I truly felt proud of myself. Everything about that experience was out of my comfort zone, contarary action... and I did it ....all those secrets were said aloud!! By ME! I didn't die, the Priest didn't judge. He was kind and spoke to me as I guess priests do.
I wish you well on your journey.
:grouphug: Bobbi

I'm using a therapist for Steps 4 & 5, who is also in recovery (for 10 years or so).

It's very hard, but awesome. We had a great session today. It's a very safe place to explore these memories and feelings where they can be looked at, but not judged.

If I were religious I think I'd use a priest or some such person.

I thought that. My sponsor and others said, whatever. Just get in with step 1 and worry about that later. I did step 1. Still said, I'm never doing step 5. They said, whatever, just get on with step 2 and worry about that later. I did step 2. Still said, I'm never doing step 5. They said, whatever, just get on with step 3 and worry about that later. I did step 3. Still said, I'm never doing step 5. They said, whatever, just get on with step 4 and worry about that later. I did step 4. I then WANTED to do step 5. The other steps had prepared me for it.

BB

SMART or Rational Recovery might be worth looking into, definitely check the link that Dee provided.

But keep in mind that a recovery program isn't going to be the magic cure for your drinking. There also has to be a willingness to change and an open mind.

Hi Elnotcho! There are some great responses here regarding Step 5. I really like them. I think you might be able to work with that. Don't give up. Keep reading and posting. I'm Catholic, but sporadically practice . During my life I have spoken with a priest on many occasions. It's difficult, but I think this might help you.

I'm not a 12-stepper, but the insinuation that the program failed you and that's the reason you're drinking is false. You own your drinking; if you don't want to work the program, then don't, but don't blame it for your relapses.

In Russell Brand's book about him doing the 12 steps, he said it took him 5 years and 2 days to complete step 4; that is, 5 years of saying **** this, I'm not doing this ********, and then 2 days to actually do the step. He didn't use during those 5 years, he just kept plodding along sober based on the first 3 steps until he was ready to work that next step.

Hi there! As others have said...there are definitely other programs/approaches to getting sober. I personally am doing AA...and I entered the program absolutely desperate (which turned out to be a gift). I was willing to do ANYTHING to stop living the way I was living and feeling the way I was feeling. I'm not saying that's right or wrong - it just provided me with the structure I needed and the time to better understand the steps with the help of a sponsor.

Good luck to you whatever you choose to do - sending you light & love. :grouphug:

truly sorry to read ya holding onto old ideas. i found the 5th step to be the most relieving thing i had ever done- after making the decision to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.
everything i was ashamed of was nothing new- no terminal uniqiueness here.no original sins. everything i had done and/or said had already been done by others many,many times.

your experience is proving something from the big book to be quite true:
The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.
__________________________________________________ __________________________

hope ya find something that gives you peace and serenity. we all deserve to be ok with our past and not have it haunt us any more.

What an amazing suggestion. I have spent countless hours walking trails and sorting my feelings out. Nature can heal so many emotional wounds just by surrounding yourself in its beauty. I have never thought to release the actual stories in words to it and leave them there. A very beautiful thought trachemys ❤

Have you considered going to place that you find peaceful (woods, beach, etc), writing all of the things you can't talk about on paper, reading aloud to yourself, and then burning it as a symbol of letting it go? I personally don't find telling someone else freeing. For me, it's facing it, owning it, and then letting it go as experiences that you cannot change but have learned from and make better decisions going forward. I follow Rational Recovery which I personally find very enriching and rewarding after not bonding with the AA program . Everyone has different styles that work for them, you just have to find yours. If not AA, maybe look into SMART or Rational Recovery. Just don't give up. If you really want it, you can have it. Good luck. Namaste

elnotcho, I wouldn't sweat it. I went to inpatient rehab followed by IOP and they pushed the 12-steps as practically a requirement for sobriety. I attended meetings, which I actually enjoyed for the most part, but had no interest in step work. I am also a severe introvert, and the idea of asking a complete stranger to be my sponsor was absurd to me. I also kept hearing about all this resentment that I supposedly had, that I needed to unload. Except I didn't have any. So I didn't do the steps. They may work for a lot of people, and that's great, but they weren't for me. I'm close to the end of my second year of sobriety.

Many people's approach to AA is "take what you need, leave the rest." I am one of those people. I enjoyed (and still occasionally enjoy) the fellowship and empathy of a roomful of fellow alcoholics, but have no use for the steps.