Babescake

before letting me watch our kid while he works until late tomorrow night. I'm sober and he otherwise wants him to stay the night at his mom's. My child is sick and I am still his parent and think I should have the right to watch him without my husband dictating if he thinks I can or not.

He's so scared of me relapsing that I'll never get to act like a parent.

Anna

The main thing is to spend time with your child. You are newly out of rehab and your husband is doing the right thing by being concerned about your child. Do the breathalyzer test and spend time with your child.

Legally your rights and your husband's will be worked out in court, but for now, stay sober and do what you can.

VikingGF

Is it worth a fight to NOT take it if you're sober anyway? I get that it's annoying and controlling, but by taking it and showing that you're sober you sort of take the wind out of the sails of any argument that you shouldn't take care of your son on your own.

Maybe your husband is looking for you to not take it so he can have his mom watch your son- perhaps just take that option off the table by being all, "Sure, I'll blow into the thingy" mic drop....

Best of luck in this situation. Congrats on your good sober time.

Babescake

I'll take it but I don't need this to become a precedent.

Bekindalways

Don't worry about setting a precedent with the breathalyzer; worry about making it irrelevant.

AnvilheadII

what is more important....time with your child.......or pride? most parents would crawl thru fire to have time with their children.....

Babescake

I said I would take it. I'm not giving time up with my son.

AnvilheadII

good...and since you ARE sober, you will have a test that reinforces that. total win win.

DontRemember

Glad you're going to take it. It takes a lot of time and positive actions to rebuild trust. Hang in there.

MyLittleHorsie

Trust is earned. As alcoholics we have destroyed so much trust we need to be ready to do whatever it takes to work on restoring that trust.

Meh, I would do it, as many times as he asked. My husband has never had a problem with drugs or alcohol and is pee tested all the time for his job. He doesn't even think twice about it.

It is what it is. When we were addicted we had no problem with doing embarrassing things, we weren't too proud then.

tomsteve

good on ya for accepting it-thats progress.
these are the types of consequences most of us didnt think about when we were drinking. when so many drink their children away, you are quite blessed to be able to have time with your child-enjoy it!
you may not need it to become a precedent, but your husbands motives are in the right place- he wants his child to have a relatioship with his mother yet wants him safe,too. i think he deserves some peace here,dont you? shouldnt your husband be entitled to know his child will be safe?

mandypandy

I wish my daughter could have breathalyzed me on Saturday. I didn't get her phone calls, and she suspected I was drinking because of this, I wasn't but I know she didn't believe me. Can you not think of this as being for your own protection as well as your husband doing it for your childs protection and his peace of mind?

Nonsensical

What your husband's actions look like to you:
What your husband's actions look like to an outsider:
Sometimes it's not about us.

Enjoy your time with your child.

shortstop81

I wouldn't be concerned that it sets a precedent. As you progress in your recovery the trust will be slowly earned back. It's highly unlikely that your husband will be demanding a breathalyzer forever if you remain sober.

I get how you're feeling and it sucks - but it won't always be like this.

August252015

Maybe I'm the minority voice here but it absolutely DOES set a precedent. This could quickly and easily become the norm - and also something to hold over you, threaten you with.....I was in that situation with my parents (Whom I was living with at the time) and it became a game of control. How much couId I drink and how long before they breathalyzed me? Did they want to do it that night or hope I was sober? On and on.

There are so many other things that need to be addressed. This is a very slippery slope- what's next? you voluntarily get a car lock thing?

You have to get sober for you. You demonstrate consistent sober behavior and people begin to believe and trust you. Or they don't.

But voluntarily jumping into a game of control is a very, very bad idea in my experience.

AlwaysGrowing

Babescake
At what point are you going to stop fighting everything and everyone and accept the position you are in as YOUR best decisions and plans. Time to OWN those action and consequences. The whole test is a lack of trust and WHY would that lack of trust be there....

AG

Am2144

I agree with August completely. Good Luck

Bekindalways

I'd agree August except there is the safety of a child at stake here.

I've seen spouses who are pretty detached and realize the drinking is absolutely none of their business . . . . except when a child's safety is compromised. This is indeed different.

Behappy1

Let him do it. I walked through FIRE to earn the trust from my family again. I answered EVERY phone call, showed up to EVERY event. It’s embarrassing and humiliating, but I earned all of that bs. It was up to ME to prove myself.

Behappy1

Ok, so I take back my last response. Lol. If you are indeed dealing with this bs, take heed. If someone is genuinely wanting/hoping for your sobriety, take the test. If it is game playing, use your head. I am sorry you’re dealing with this, but glad you’re doing so sober!!