entropy1964

Aren't you guys lawyering up for a custody battle? I would pose this to your lawyer.

ProfessorD

Wow, when I started reading this thread I felt one way. And now I feel the other way. I won't offer any more advice, but it seems like a very hard situation, with lots of good intentions. I'd focus on what matters: you and your husband love your child, and you, your husband, and your son all want you sober. Where there is love, the rest (even trust) can and will be worked out. Best wishes for you and your family xoxoxo

Babescake

I did contact my lawyer yesterday when it was suggested. My son ended up staying home sick today from school and the lawyer said to do it if my husband insisted and brought a breathalyzer home just so we had a track record showing sobriety if need be. He didn't end up breathalyzing me and my son is now asleep and I'm sober.

entropy1964

That's great Babes. I know you are in a really tough situation....I can 'feel' the anxiety so to speak. I hope you are really able to focus on you/your recovery. The rest will fall into place (maybe not easily) over time if you do the next right thing for you. Go to meetings...get a signed sheet (you can make your own). That stuff will look great in court and well, its great for you too.

I would suggest that any time you have questions like this it might be best to look for direction from your attorney. Talking here is great but legal stuff if best left to the pro's! Hang in there.

Anna

I'm glad that you're getting legal advice.

Bekindalways

So good to hear you are still sober BC. Keep it up lady.

Nowsthetime

Hi Babes:

Playing devil’s advocate:

How many times have you made promises that fell through? I’m assuming many, so no matter what you say and how much you mean it, your exhubby isn’t likely to believe you, this is his experience. You must now regain trust and it does take a while. Take the breathalyzer and prove yourself. The other positive is that you will have a record of your sober tests that will help with your case.

It’s hard now, but you are dealing with the result of your past actions. You are creating a new past that will be your new reality and it takes time. Keep your eye on the price: sobriety and being with your son. All the rest will fall into place.

You sound upset, I would be too but this isn’t the time to let these feeling get in the way. You are doing great and moving forward!

We are here for support! Glad you posted.

AnvilheadII

i hope your son feels better. and i hope it felt good to BE THERE for him when he wasn't feeling well.

Babescake

Yeah, he's better today, but still had a fever earlier so kept him home again. My fever is back. Been battling the flu going on 2 weeks. Ugh. Thanks.

AnvilheadII

the flu stuff going around is scary...please keep a close eye on your own symptoms and his!!

DontRemember

Yeah... I was sick as hell with the flu for like 9days. it sucked!

Babescake

Yes, the flu has definitely bitten my butt. Also, in response to Nowsthetime, of course I failed to keep promises. However, this was my first real attempt to get help. And I did it without any support from the soon-to-be ex. He prevented my son from coming some with my parents, didn't go to any of the family days/counseling and won't go to alanon. I can't control him, just like he can't me. However, for someone so hellbent on protecting our child, learning about alcoholism and seeking strategies to help our family deal with the situation would be a great step IMO.

DontRemember

Dear..I know it's early days for you,but he may just be done. I don't say that to upset you,but it got to a point years ago with my exwf that NOTHING was going to get us back together. like you said, focus on yourself/side and do your best for your son. Be the best person/mom you can regardless of the outcome of your marriage.

Babescake

I already know he's done. That is clear and was made clear even before rehab. I was told straight out before I entered rehab (which my amazing parents paid for) that he wanted me to sign a document that going to rehab would be paid for from my end of the settlement. Screw that. Legally, we're still married and he spent $20K+ on a car behind my back. I did this for my health and I refused to sign anything. I'm not ashamed of seeking help.

I still think it would have been appropriate, for dealing with our child, to make an effort to understand alcoholism (choice, choice, choice in his mind) and educate himself on family dynamics. I'm not going anywhere. I plan to stay sober and will fight for my kid. I have a disease, I'm not an evil person. And someone not interested in fostering relationships or recognizing that just kicking me out of his life doesn't "cure" his son from addiction, is the wrong approach to take. I'm still a mother and our son, no matter the outcome, deserves to understand addiction and the love BOTH his parents have for him. Yes, this is different than safety, but we BOTH want his best interest at heart. Just my opinion.

LLLisa

Your son is a child. He probably already knows truckloads about addiction having lived with you. He needs to be protected. He doesn't need to learn anything about addiction at all. He just needs to be a child.

Babescake

Correct. We are shielding the best we can. I recognize his innocence and we both want to make the transition as smooth as possible. No hatred or games in that.

Spence7471

Spence7471

By taking the test, you are rebuilding trust... something you have probably done a great job of tearing down while using. It takes time and eventually he will trust you with your child. Let the baby steps happen...