back to square one and feeling hopeless
 

Hey guys.

I am really suffering today. Went out last night, didn't really plan on drinking but I had a few, ended up getting high as well. All in all.. Another failure.

The problems in my life feel insurmountable at times. Since I started drinking and drugging around 18 things have been bad. Different little jobs, leaving university, etc. Just can't find my way in the world. Nothing seems to suit me or I don't want to do those things.

My mom hates me and I need to move out. She is abusive and mean and overall a negative on my life. Being raised by her has left me with a lot of scars and emotional shame. But a lot of it is my doing as well.
The rental market sucks and I'd be stuck in a ****** room somewhere else in the city. Speaking of jobs the options seem so slim. I also receive disability for my past mental health problems so those have been keeping me afloat relatively.

I don't see any way of reaching even relative satisfaction for the future now age 25. Everything seems so bleak. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Choosing between jobs I don't want to do, moving into places I don't even want to live. Not to mention its winter and I don't want to prospect the whole city for places.

And of course, I resort to booze and weed when I feel hopeless. Which has been the norm since I became an "adult."

I contemplate packing a bag and just heading off into the world until my money runs out and see where I get. At least it will be an adventure.

Moving out of your mom's might be a good idea, but as far as setting off to points unknown, seeking adventure...not so good, in my opinion. Funny thing about geographical moves. No matter where you go, there you are. If you can't effect change right where you are, what are you chances of fixing your problems somewhere else?

So sorry for your situation. You can change it, I have no doubt! It does take work, but you can do it.

Have you thought about Sober housing? I am not sure if they have that where you are. I was just scrolling through Craigslist and am finding a lot of homes with many sober people living there, the only requirement is to be clean (a clean person, pick up after yourself, etc..)and sober. Well, and rents to be paid.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. At 25 you have your whole life ahead of you....it might seem hopeless now but its not. Sounds like leaving home might be a good thing but you will need to build some supports to find your way through adulthood. Is therapy an option?
Remember, how you are feeling right now is temporary- things always change, no matter what...particularly when you are young.
Best wishes to you.

i agree with your sentiment. not to "fix myself" but just see where i would end up. it is pure escapism. a fantasy.

Things can change slowly but surely as long as you keep making positive steps forwards. It may not seem possible now but it’s amazing how things turn out for the better eventually if you make sure you do the right things.

If you’re an alcoholic/addict then your no1 priority has to be to prioritise sobriety and recovery above all else. If you do this and live your life and make decisions guided within the structure of recovery such as AA or NA then things will work out. Check out AA meetings and you’ll find many who’ve been where you’re at now and are now living a great life.

25 is a great age to dedicate your life to recovery as you’ve got loads of time to make a great future for yourself. It’s guaranteed if you’re an alcoholic/addict and don’t work a solid recovery program such as AA then your life will not improve but likely get worse. This is my experience.

As is drinking and drugging. Escape. But to where. Time to face the realities of life and start overcoming those problems you feel are holding you back. Then there will be no limit to what you could do.

This seems like a good point in your life to take stock and and make the changes you want and need in your life. It sounds like getting away from your mother and finding a place of your own is a good idea. To make that happen you will likely need to find a job. Even if it's a job you don't like much, it would help you be free and it would be a starting point. Obviously, stopping drinking is the most important thing.

It's a failure only if you don't take the time to examine how you got into the situation to begin with.

The one thing I never thought of before was the recovery plan. I always looked at it from a willpower perspective.

The plan helps you build your life without alcohol and helps you identify your triggers so you don't mindlessly get into bad situations.

If you learn from your mistakes, I don't think you're starting from scratch. You learned your current plan doesn't work.

Hi readyt0change :)

it's a tough spot to be in when your moms place is the best option - but drinkings just going to keep you in the status quo, or worse.

If you take the money you spend on booze and save it instead you might be surprised how soon you will have a little nest egg to out towards a new polace to live.

I'm sure the rental market is tight but I bet there are still affordable places to be found if you look - not the Hilton sure but as long as it's nice and clean, you can pimp that crib :)

maybe a little ways out of the city, if you have transport?

D