Readygo

I’m going through a rough patch. Not in life, life is great and I know it is but I think it’s a new level of hitting a wall with sobriety.

Since Friday I have lost my motivation, I’ve tried a few new things trying to drudge up some momentum but I feel so blah.

I think it started when I realize I have future events that will basically center around alcohol will be this year (bachelorette parties-which I have to go to unless I want to really tick some people off). I’m still working on coping with long evenings with cranky youngsters, and I this weekend I got jealous of people drinking (which up to this point, I was feeling great being the sober one).

I’m a little over a month in so if my pink cloud lasted that long I miss it or if this is just a phase then yay. I know I’ve heard living without alcohol is rewarding and it gets easier, and it’s worth it and al of that but how does it get easier and more fulfilling?

Sorry for the bummer post, I’m guess I’m just feeling down and I don’t really know anyone personally that can relate.

Berrybean

Maybe it's time to look at making a recovery plan. Once that pink cloud disperses, it is Recovery that makes Sobriety bearable, sustainable, comfortable, and one day preferable to drinking.

Dee' s link is a good one...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

Have you considered trying some AA meetings?. It was at just over a month that things started to get tougher for me, and thats when i went to my first meeting.

Short term, I'd suggest-
1) making gratitude lists
2) making a list of all the ways that alcohol negatively impacted different areas of your life, including health (physical and mental), money, career, relationships (partner, family, freinds, colleagues), reputation, integrity (did you end up doing things that you would not have chosen to do if you hadn't been drinking or trying to get a drink?), your home, and how you feel about yourself. You may even think kf other things its affected, if so, add those on.

Regarding the nostalgic and romanticized thoughts about drinking, please 'play the tape forward'. That means, like a film reel in your head, don't just stop at the fun bits, but keep playing that film til you get to the chaos and destructive bits. The shame in the morning, and how you'd feel the next day if you drank now.

And regarding the batchellorette things, please plan well for these if you are going to go. Ensure you have escape routes (at the weekend away in Berlin I went to for a big batchelorette do I was very clear to the bride / my friend before going that I might need little breaks, it wasn't personal and they shouldn't worry about me). Think about who the other less-heavy drinkers are that will be there - no doubt they'll be pleased to find there is a sober person there who they can hang with. Ask if there are jobs that you could do to help out as well. This will mean that you feel involved even though you'll be sober. We kid ourselves that everyone drinks to excess on these occasions. Mostly it's turned out that few people do. Most people are just having 3 or 4 drinks dispersed with food and soft drinks throughout the evening, or even no alcohol at all. I was very shocked to find that,and embarrassed to know I'd have been the one who was very drunk and having to be looked after or looked out for, depending on the stage of my excess.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery and sobriety.
BB

mandypandy

Sorry you are having a bit of a struggle at the minute Readygo. You already know alcohol is not a pick-up. The euphoria lasts a nanosecond, and then it's depressant effects kick in, the loss of control kicks in there you, are zombied out, causing alsorts of trouble, before it finally knocks you out.
With the the most polar opposite feeling to chilled possible the next day.

I am in the very early days, so all I can do is remind you, if you are having trouble moving forward, at least don't go back.

I'm sure people who have learnt to live a long time without alcohol and find fulifilment in other was will come and advise you. But take it from one who is still so close to the last time I boozed I can almost touch it..it's no fun, you are not missing out on anything.

doggonecarl

Good of you to post when you are struggling. Congrats on the sober days you have achieved.

A commitment to sobriety, to quitting drinking, has to be firm. Firm enough to get through the often tough days of early recovery. Sobriety can't be conditional--as in, "I'll be sober if it's easy, or rewards me."

Sobriety is a state of being, the foundation upon which you build a rewarding and fulfilling life.

For me, being addiction free was the reward. I was enslaved to alcohol and was well on the way to drinking until I died. Since quitting, I have reaped the rewards of being freed from addiction. Emphasis on "I"

I had to be an active participant in a rewarding and fulfilling sober life. But I had to do the heavy lifting. Unlike alcohol, with its instant gratification that brings with it the feelings of reward, sobriety isn't felt. You just live it. With all its ups and downs.

Good luck.

Komplex

Readygo - thank you for this post! I am almost at one month myself and I do feel a shift in my “high”. AA has been a saving grace for me. Keep going you’re doing great.

@MandyPandy - THANK YOU. I needed to hear this today.

tomsteve

I’ve heard living without alcohol is rewarding and it gets easier, and it’s worth it and al of that but how does it get easier and more fulfilling?

it got easier for me with action- learning what makes me tick and how to live life on lifes terms.
30 days is awesome- its an eternity.
what can be a bugger is that years and years of drinking and the actions/thoughts learned cant be unlearned in 30 days- its a process that takes time and patience.
well worth giving it time and footwork,though.

julietUK

Hi Readygo. Thank you for posting, I am over 5 weeks and feeling the same. I posted pretty much the same yesterday. The replies are right, lets keep going because we know only too well the alternative. I for one can't go through any more day 1s or day 2s, its hell.
I wish you luck with the batchelorette party; make sure you have food and nice food. And if necessary hide in the loo for 10 minutes and post here! And like Berrybean says - find the light drinkers. Take care, stay strong.
Thank you for posting.

Done4today

I don't know anything about a pink cloud but I know I've been on such a great ride since I've worked a program. I had about 35-45 days of sobriety when I got a sponsor and started the steps. I do have down days and really high days but that is life. This too shall pass as they say. I am not trying to be dismissive of your situation, but I believe that if you get a sobriety program and work it many of your future fears will disappear.

Also, maybe think about seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist because many of us have underlying depression. Might be worth looking into. Could be solved with some exercise up to antidepressants.

Good luck

entropy1964

I was reading back to your first post because I couldn't remember if there was some event or major issue that brought you here. You are a lot like I was at about 35 when I had my child and stopped working. I started my 'journey' to stop drinking at about 38...I'm now 52. I never had a serious 'bottom' or some major life event that started my journey. But I can tell you, addiction to alcohol is progressive, it generally gets worse. The pace at which it does this can be fast or slow. But it will get worse.

I'm a very, very slow learner. And I'm stubborn as he!!. I had to learn the hard way...drinking on and off until it had beat me to a pulp. And it doesn't work...not one bit. So I can't romanticize it at all anymore...which I guess is a good thing.

I still don't 'look' like a low bottom drunk...but I can tell you it had crushed my soul completely. And it absolutely hurt my daughter. Gawd how I wish I had stayed stopped at 38. But I didn't. You don't have to drop that low. But you will probably have totally accept that your drinking will get worse. If you don't you're probably in for a bumpy ride.

Snowydelrico

I had similar issues with stag do’s/bachelor party’s, weddings.
I just kept telling myself in another months time I will feel different again about the pending functions.
A plan is always best.
A good friend would respect your decision not to go if you thought it was too dangerous.
I missed a batchelor party, so what.
I can now sit in the company of my old hardcore drinking buddies without batting an eyelid while they drink themselves in to a stupor.
It was a lot to take in at first and it wore me out. But these are the hurdles we are put before.
Take care you can do this.

Dee74

how do you feel today readygo?

D

Readygo

I read your comments and I always do, then I sit on them and think about them. I’m horrible at responding back, but Things people say on here really resonate. This site has been my saving grace, and I would like to look into AA some more-I still haven’t made it to a meeting, my schedule hasn’t permitted me to with my husbands schedule to watch the kids, but I feel my recovery plan needs a little bit more on these phases that are more trying.

Today I cried for absolutely no reason as far as I know, I let myself sob. It’s funny too because the only time I’ve gone this long sober was when I was pregnant so any emotional rollercoaster I had blamed on hormones when really I’m wondering if it was actually part of recovery?

After my sob session I cranked music while I let my daughter watch tv in the basement and my other daughter slept and I danced. I felt cheesey and silly but after about 5 minutes it felt really good!

I’m looking to reward myself around day 70 and look at getting a dog from the pound. I think a new friend and focus (I love animals) could really help me and be a hobby for me. Plus maybe a partner to walk or run with when I put the kids in the stroller?

I know deep down I really want this sober thing but I wish all of my felt that way. When drinking I felt jealous of open alcoholics because they were on their journey already and I felt behind. I’d really hate to fall behind again....

As far as the future I’m having a hard time coming out myself. Not that it always has to be a thing, but so many friends know me as a lush partier that I do worry about how to tell them in the future bachelorette parties. Im Worried about what they will think even though I’m trying to not worry about that yet.

Readygo

My mom was also an alcoholic so I know how things can go but I don’t know her progressive disease per say because it first progressed before I was born. At this point I’m trying to be proactive so this post really helps me stay focused! Thank you!

VikingGF

Hi, Readygo-

Good for you coming and posting, and congrats on your excellent time sober.

I had trouble coming out to people as a non-drinker also, first because I thought they would all laugh themselves to death and then because I was not sure I would still "fit in" with my crew.

But after giving it some thought, and I am not saying this is true for you, I realized that by keeping quiet about my sobriety I was actually giving myself an "out" to drink... and when I realized this, my head spun so hard!! I told people right away after that.

Just know that real friends don't care if you drink or not, and those who do are usually just uncomfortable with their own drinking.

Also, I really love the idea of rescuing a dog-

Stay strong- it all gets better.

Done4today

No need to worry about this. You're not at the party yet. Working on yourself and your sobriety program today will take care of situations in the future that may or may not come.

As for coming out and telling people, they will notice the change and will be happy for you. You don't need to say anything if you don't want. I don't share about my sobriety. I just say I quit drinking or I don't drink and leave it at that.

Good luck

Magpie82

I had 8 weeks sober when I went to my best friend’s 40th birthday party on Saturday. She’s had a really tough year- marital problems, lost her dad a couple months ago. We have a long history of getting tanked together, probably because there was no judgement about how much we ‘over-did’ it. Even if we went backpacking, we’d bring booze. I was avoiding her while trying to maintain sobriety, and I had some guilt about not being there for her after her dad passed. I wanted to help make her birthday special and I helped plan it- got her and her husband a hotel room and helped decorate it. There was a dinner reservation, a slideshow, etc. Not many people were there though, and I was counting on there being more people to drink with her. So dumb! I wanted her to have fun, and not feel like the only one drinking. So I decided to drink. And it was not at all the fun, liberating feeling I always used to chase. I never one time felt a happy buzz from the alcohol, and I had more than enough. Not sure why. I did enjoy my time celebrating with my friend, but I would have anyway. I guess what I’m trying to say is I understand the social pressure to drink, but it’s not worth it. Take it from someone who gave in. I’m back on the sober bus, and I learned that I need to do something different. Save yourself the trouble and try and do something different before you drink. All the best to you!

Love,
Magpie

Dee74

Hey readygo -never feel like you have to answer me - I ask because I genuinely want to know how things are

it took a little while for me to be completely on board with recovery too. The experience of the first few months just seemed a hard slog, a really conscious effort, and not a lot of joy. I wondered if this was my default now - no happiness no respite.

Of course I found that was not the way it was always going to be. Things did get better and I gradually realised I liked being sober a lot more than I did drinking...but that realisation was a process...it took a while for me to get there


I think you're doing great. I understanding worrying about stuff but I find more often than not people are usually exactly where they need to be on this journey

D