Dazza40

Hi, so I am on day 75 if sobriety and to be honest most of it has gone ok, even Christmas! But lately I have been thinking I am missing out and why can’t I just have a “social”.... I stopped after a 3 day bender slash business trip, turning up at home drunk to an upset wife and two kids who I adore. I thought the first month was the hardest. Am I just missing the social element of going out, which unless it’s a meal I haven’t been doing.... but then again the only reason I would want to go out would be to get (excuse the terminology but...) smashed..... in my head I liked the feeling. I also don’t think I can be bothered with people who are smashed (which is selfish as they put up with me) which leaves me feeling pretty lonely sometimes. I just want to be in my family bubble where I feel safe but am scared of turning hermit.

julietUK

Hi Dazza. I understand where you are coming from. I am almost 6 weeks sober and I haven't got round to adding things to my life yet, so I feel just loss and boredom.
I have been sober for quite long periods of time so I know it will get better, a lot better. But right now I am like you, I just want to be home. I know I should get out and do things but I am nervous and anxious still so end up staying in and feeling bored.
My friends have visited this weekend and they drank, I am sad because I realised I didn't want to be around them when they drinking. Selfish too cos they put up with me!
I want to say to you the same as I am saying to myself; it will get better, being sober is ups and downs. You will in time find new things to occupy your time, this must mean the world to your family. Keep it up.

Berrybean

Maybe it's time to up your recovery plan a notch Dazza.
Well done for recognising the lies your AV tells you - no, we never want a 'social' drink or two. That's not what it was ever about, and never would be, because once we get a couple of drinks in us it's like Russian roulette. For me sometimes all would be well, but I could never guarantee when those times woukd be. All bets were off, and I was not in control. For me it was like letting an untrained dog off a leash. It might sometimes stay to heel, or it might tear off and cause all kinds of mayhem.

Sobriety takes a while to be comfortable. For most of the sober people I know, it has been working on their recovery that has made sobriety bearable, sustainable, comfortable, and eventually preferable to active alcoholism.

BB

Dazza40

Hi Juliet, Thanks for the reply and I wish you all the best! My family are proud of me and that keeps me going. I too had friends round on Saturday for a meal and they had a few to drink but no where near as much as I would have done. I know what you mean... it does bother when people around me drink but I keep it to myself and say “no it fine it’s my issue not yours”... Don’t think that is the best policy in the long run though... alcohol is associated with everything we do these days!!

Dazza40

Cheers BB, dog off a leash is a great analogy and true of me also

D122y

Daz,

Ime...I was feeling the anxiety ridden healing in my brain from about 3 months on. It lasted up to a year.

After a year, I felt like I could drink normally again. I started to think about relapsing. SR saved me.

After 2 years, same thing.

Alky addiction is a disease of forgetting. I forget the reasons I quit...e.g. I was a drunk, fat, greasy, crazy, embarrassing person.

The main thing I feel now is a huge sense of stability. I can sit for hours and be happy over just being alive and healthy etc.

I no longer have the physical and mental addiction.

Now I periodically crave. When it goes away...as it always does...thank God...I feel like a winner.

I imagine if I gave in...I would feel like a loser.

Thanks.

August252015

I chose to be incredibly selective - "selfish," IMO no, but very diligent self-care and protection- for quite awhile into sobriety. My parents were largely my companions, beyond my AA meetings, for largely the first 100 days. I gradually began adding one on one time with friends who were great influences, ie trying to live their own best lives whether alcoholic or not, over the summer of 2016 (I will have 2 years on 2/21).

It was 9 mo before I took my first trip; and that was with my now husband, in a very well thought out plan for the trip, including a small amount of time with my estranged brother. I went to my first party at 14 mo, wedding at 17 mo. Holidays in year one and two have been carefully planned and centered on my emotional sobriety, and the partnership my husband and I have (he is also in recovery) as recovery centers our life.

IMO, no outing, no "experience".... nothing....is worth the risk to my emotional well being, which I believe is the key to everything good that I have, as well as to maintaining physical sobriety. I have never regretted NOT attending something, though I have looked back and thought, "hey, that would have been OK to do."

All this is to say that never putting pressure on myself to "do" yet, at this point, continuing to expand my social life - I lead a recovery group and spend a lot of time with other people in that role- because I DO have strong sober muscles now. I also allow myself "recovery time" if something I do emotionally stresses me out.

Further, being at home alone or with my family (I have a 15 yr old step daughter who lives with us) is still my fave thing to do. I have no use for spending time around drunk people, whether alcoholic or not, and going out to dinner is something we love but it's not centered on drinking like it used to be; I have learned that doing what I really enjoy is the best policy. That does include things I "should" do like going to my step daughter's sports events, or attending a black tie gala (last weekend) with my husband.

Just my long $0.02 to how this alcoholic has dealt with other people, socializing, external "pressure" and my most important priority in life, to be protected at any costs - sobriety.